If you have boys do you ever wonder if you'll become the 'evil' MIL?

[VladmirsPoutine]

I certainly do. I don't have boys but reading MN would make me feel very stressed about it. It seems in-laws are hated.

Yes! I'm really hoping I won't be. My mum is lovely and I have brothers. Hope their wives don't think she's an evil mil.

I do wonder, but i have the best MIL as a role model, so I think i should be ok.

I don't hate my in laws at all. They do and say things that blow my mind at times but I'm fond of them.

If anything, I'd rather them than my own parents who I have no relationship with.

I do have a son. Soon to be 2. I don't think it matters if you have sons or daughters. My mum has been utterly vile to my husband for no reason. If you are that person, then you will be to a son or daughter in law.

I want to always be respectful of my children's (and their spouses) feelings though.

Well since I'm not remotely interfering/controlling/narcissistic/a dick then I'll probably be ok. I'm making damned sure my boys know how to cook, clean, and everything else long before they leave home - I ain't raising no man-child!

I ain't raising no man-child!

I think in most cases it's as simple as this really :)

Do only women get nightmare MIL then?

Do only women get nightmare MIL then?

I think i already am, thanks to ds1 claiming he HAD to come home for Christmas the first year after he moved out. (flat sharing with a pal)
He had a vegan girfriend who was very keen to celebrate her first Christmas in her own flat ...invited her mother and sister too, but APPARENTLY I insisted he come home.
Wee weevil.....I think he has fessed up, but I must make sure.

What Ipswich said.

It was my first thought when the doctor said "it's a boy". I hope I won't be but as he gets older I can see how I could be (he's so sweet and gentle and a worrier I cannot ever imagine not fretting about him). My mil is pretty awful and I'm not sure my own mother would win any mil prizes.

Well, according to Mumsnet you have a choice. Resign yourself to your dil mediating your relationship with your son and grandchildren. Or be cast as a bitch from hell.

Fortunately, real life is not like that.

I am a mil. Tho they have separated I am still close to both of them. I have my gs overnight 2 nights a week so she can work full time. It has been much harder having a ds and dil than a dd and sil!! My ds 15 told his new gf if dm doesn't like you ya dumped!! Luckily we get on too!! All my ds are domesticated and house trained so hopefully the rest of the dil I will end up with will appreciate this also!!

I don't think I'm a narcissist! But I'm fiercely protective of ds, I hope because he's younger than his sisters. I'm going to have to really work on being a good mil.
I do worry though as I know 3 couples where it's definitely the woman who is toxic. One of them is an in law and the relationship with the whole family has never really recovered from taking the son to one side and telling him so!

"But I'm fiercely protective of ds"

Start training yourself out of that asap.

Nooo, I'll be the loveliest MIL ever! DS has had a few girlfriends who I think I've been sweet to, but without interfering.

no, I don't (2 sons & 2 daughters)

Only five DDs in DHs and my family so I won't be the DWs MIL IYSWIM (well unless they don't marry men I suppose, all is possible) But I've had an In-or-di-nut number of BFs (I haven't really!) and one DH and I have, honestly, never had a bad MIL amongst them. Maybe I got lucky (though I like to think it's because I am perfect, so bring out the best in others) Ahem. I plan on being an AWFUL MIL to all the DHs though......moooo haha.

I hope not! I hope I treat any DiL I might have in the future with respect. My SIL gets on very well with myself and my mum so my mum is a good role model!

I worry about this. I have 2 boys and no girls. I also worry about my relationship with any potential grandchildren because of this. I wonder if it's easier when you have daughters - e.g. I'm guessing you can say more to a daughter than to a DIL about grandkids etc. It's more necessary to be diplomatic with MILs/Dils. I dunno - maybe it's just me that feels like this?

Don't worry Bertrand I moderate myself all the time already

I so hope not. I don't expect I will. I loved my mil, she was lovely, and I get on with all my sil's. hoping that this in itself means I stand a good chance.

I have a boy (and another on the way). I do worry about this a little bit my MIL is lovely, she sees DS just as much as my mum and spends more time with him on her own. I hope that as my DS's grow up seeing how well we get on that it sets a good precedent for them.

I'm such a softy I'm worried I'll get an evil stepdaughter who takes advantage! 🙈

Chattycat you need to be very very diplomatic about what you say to any mother including your dds about their children. Young mothers don't need people telling them what to do. If they ask advice that's fine. I have a gd and l get on brilliantly with her mum (ds and her are no longer together) but l made a very definite decision from day 1 not to be giving opinions unless l was asked and even then l often say oh what does your own mum think. I think if Mils have some cop there will be very little issue. I think it's important to have your own life so you haven't time or energy for interfering. I'm too busy to pay much attention to what my gds mum does.

Not at all. I am a nice person.

And if they have children I will wait for an invitation before I go round, offer my help for them to take me up on if they want and not worry too much if they don't.