A wedding one, get your teeth into this, WWYD?

[howaboutthisonethen]

I've NC as this is potentially identifying though no-one knows we're getting married yet but I know how everyone loves a wedding one.

DP and I would like like to get married in September. His parents live a fair distance away, since we've been together the first time he visited them it would have been too soon for me to meet them. The second time they came here I was on holiday, so at new year I finally got to meet them.
DP had warned that his Mum could be hard work and frankly, he wasn't kidding. Still, I smiled through my gritted teeth throughout our weekend visit.

DP and I have been married before so we had the big wedding(s) back then.

Our local registry office has a very small room that can hold: us, our parents, our children and that's it.

There is one space left over and DP has a single, middle-aged brother who lives with their parents. I liked this brother when I met him but if his brother is invited to fill the one space then that leaves both of my siblings out. Both of my siblings have families of their own, though I think I could swing them coming to the ceremonies without their spouses, it wouldn't be fair to invite DP's brother to the ceremony without inviting my own siblings.

I say 'if there isn't space for all siblings then we invite none'.
DP agrees with this but says that if we don't invite his DB then his Mum will be very vocally unhappy about this, even if she knows the circumstances and MiL, FiL and BiL probably won't come to our wedding at all.

AWBU not to invite DBiL?

Are you sure that your dh isn't insisting on leaving siblings out to engineer a scenario in which his mother doesn't come?

Have the wedding that both you and DP want, with your children and your parents attending and the rest for a meal afterwards, IMO its your day not anyone else's, If they don't like it they don't need to attend, the whole whoha isn't needed or wanted as long as your all happy thats all that should matter to them. Congratulations and good luck with your day

bumsex I wouldn't mind in the least because it is their wedding and not about me. But then, I didn't invite any family to my wedding (not even the ones I get along very well with) and am not particularly sentimental about these things. I find it amazing how many people seem to think they have any right to say who someone else should invite to their wedding.

It's not like leaving out an acquaintance though is it? I think it would be much easier to take if no family were invited but tbh if my sibling would rather have a slightly better quality meal than invite me to their wedding there would be something very wrong with our relationship. If marriage is such an unimportant thing why even bother at all?

I'd invite either no siblings or all.
When my sister got married I wasn't invited but nor were any of his siblings. I'd have been mighty pissed off had they been and i'd have been left out. Seriously.
I did go to the party after though (as did they!).

Congratulations! We had family spread out everywhere and it was a nightmare trying to coordinate it so understand. I would either see if siblings could stand at back of room or talk to BIL and explain to him the situation, get him on board and present the sorted situation to MIL. I know it's your wedding but sometimes a little work makes for smoother feathers and better memories! Have a lovely time!!!

Having been not invited to my closest cousins ( my maid of honour) wedding due to it being 'immediate family only' and then finding in fact one cousin is invited I'd say all or nothing if you don't want to hurt your family.

Get married somewhere else OP

Set your stall out early.

If you budge on this, you've had it. Invite who you like & have it where you like. Don't change for any reason that isn't yours.

Good luck