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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to never go to the cinema again?

607 replies

rmrf · 15/01/2017 09:01

Every. Single. Time. I go to the cinema, there's at least one person who talks/texts/crunches through the film and generally does their best to ruin it for everyone. I usually feel too hesitant to say anything as they've already proven themselves lunatics who care not for others.

Last night it was LA LA Land. Absolutely brilliant, gorgeous film, ruined by some tosser who decided to loudly tap his foot throughout every musical number. He wasn't even in time.

I love watching films but AIBU to not spend any more money on going out to see them, because no one knows how to behave politely? We have Netflix, Google and Amazon video I suppose...

OP posts:
MostIneptThatEverStepped · 16/01/2017 13:42

Still think the headphones option is a good way forward.

toyd · 16/01/2017 13:54

Well I have an invisible disability and have tried to understand all points of view on here.

However Lady M, perhaps you should "give a fuck" occasionally.

Do unto others and all that.

I'm out.

user1483945709 · 16/01/2017 13:55

Question for felix, Nathan and other silent cinema users.

If someone was making a noise, fidgeting or whatever else displeases you and they had a very obvious disability, would you be more tolerant?

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2017 13:58

toyd I don't understand your problem. Why should Lady M give a fuck. She doesn't have to explain her disability or her use of mobile phone to anyone, that's justifying and is unreasonable. People without disabilities are not expected to explain their behaviours. However, let's just imagine that she is using her 'phone, on a low emitting light setting to find her seat, so it gets used as she enters the cinema and maybe once or twice to use the lavatory, how the hell does that have any sort of impact on other peoples enjoyment?

Stormtreader · 16/01/2017 13:59

*So, can I clarify this? If I go to the cinema, and someone else in the audience is behaving like a dick, I shouldn't complain or ask them to stop, just in case they have a disability?

That isn't what has been said.*

Well then, now I'm confused because I've read the whole thread and it sounds like that's exactly whats being said - that there is no way of knowing if someone has SN or not, and any behaviour such as talking or kicking chairs should be silently tolerated in case they cannot help it, that it should not be mentioned in case its embarrassing for the other person.

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2017 14:02

I rather thought a gentle and kind approach was suggested, oh, and a bit more fucking tolerance. My son (22) has full body tics. We have been asked to leave the cinema. It's happened to him more than once. It's fairly obvious that he can't help it so yes, I get angry when selfish arses can't cope for a couple of hours. Fortunately, so does his university.

toyd · 16/01/2017 14:02

We should all "give a fuck". Unless our disability prevents it.

NathanBarleyrocks · 16/01/2017 14:09

If someone was kicking my chair or making loud noises all through a film, SN or not, what am I supposed to do? Leave I assume? Because I certainly wouldn't be able to follow the film so there would be no point in staying.

skyyequake · 16/01/2017 14:15

Stormtreader you know there is such a thing as common sense right? Ok I'll give you a few case examples

Example 1: someone is repetitively kicking the back of your chair and you're finding it intolerable. Instead of giving the death glare or in any other way assuming that they're being deliberately annoying, you could instead turn around and say "sorry, I don't know if you noticed but you/your child is kicking the back of my chair and it's a bit distracting." Some people, disabled or otherwise, do a leg jiggle or similar subconsciously and I would assume those people would apologise and either stop or make sure that their leg jiggling was no longer hitting the back of your chair. Also children can do this without thinking and the parents may not have noticed: that's not a crime. If they tell you to fuck off then you can assume they're a duck, but not before.

Example 2: someone is talking. Now if this is a quiet mutter to a child or someone who seems to be watching the film and quietly thinking aloud then maybe tolerance is needed rather than bristling with annoyance. But if it's someone loudly discussing birthday plans on the phone to their mum or talking about how much of a bitch Jennifer is for sleeping with Katies boyfriend then maybe that requires a complaint to the staff...

Do you see how this works yet?

Debi36 · 16/01/2017 14:16

I went to see Silence and you guessed it - not silence but 2 and half hours of crunching popcorn. Why can't people take a break from stuffing their faces!!!!!

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2017 14:21

If someone was kicking my chair or making loud noises all through a film, SN or not, what am I supposed to do? Leave I assume? Because I certainly wouldn't be able to follow the film so there would be no point in staying.
No, but instead of losing it, or coming onto a forum and complaining as turning around and saying I realise there may be a problem here, but can we resolve it amicably may be a good start. Consideration. An acceptance that the person may not be able to help it before you start, but a resolution may be reached. Sometimes if the person is reassured that you're not bothered by something that they see as huge, but you see as relatively minor and this in itself can resolve the issue.
My son was asked to leave on more than one occasion because apparently his tics were distracting. He wasn't sitting next to anyone. He doesn't have vocal tics. People are arses on occasion.

user1483945709 · 16/01/2017 14:22

You would either move or ask them or their parent to stop I assume. If they didn't stop or you were not happy to be told they can't help it. I assume you would then complain.

It would be up to staff to either ask person to leave or offer you a refund and you leave.

I have read this thread as some people are not just being 'dicks', some people have disabilities and can't help it.

felixthecar · 16/01/2017 14:31

Answer for user.
'If someone was making a noise, fidgeting or whatever else displeases you and they had a very obvious disability, would you be more tolerant?'

The general gist of the discussion has been saying that you can't tell if people have disabilities. Ergo you can't criticise anyone, just in case.

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2017 14:34

Felix Why criticise anyway? Why not ask nicely bearing in mind that the person to whom you are talking may not be able to help their behaviour. Bearing in mind that you in fact may be able to help their behaviours just by being kind and non judgemental?

Stormtreader · 16/01/2017 14:47

So it is ok for me to make a judgement on whether someone has SN or not then? Because I thought from comments like "So it's okay to humiliate someone just in case it's bad manners?" and "You cant tell, because theyre invisible disibilities" that that was very much not ok.

user1483945709 · 16/01/2017 14:51

Felix, I think the problem is some people are reading the thread differently to others. I haven't taken that from the thread.

I've taken it as it may well look like someone is just being a dick on purpose, however bear in mind that maybe they can't help it and are not being a dick at all.

I haven't seen anyone say you shouldn't ask them to stop etc quite the opposite. Just that they may not be able to stop.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 16/01/2017 14:56

Ironic isn't it, that so many posters are castigating people for apparently behaving like dicks.

To want to never go to the cinema again?
LadyMelbourne · 16/01/2017 14:57

Toys are we at cross purposes here? Lady M is one of those who gives a fuck.
Lady Ms comment about not giving a duck was to the visually impaired poster who feels others may question her behaviour. It takes balls to be out and about and be different. Lady M has to steel herself and make herself impervious to the states of others. Lady M chooses therefore not to give a fuck about those states.

Lady M does give a fuck about the comfort of others. That's because she is tolerant, and has empathy.
However, where they are differing needs, Lady M errs on the side of caution.

skyyequake · 16/01/2017 14:59

Stormtreader mate, if you're just gonna look for any loophole so you can justify being a knob to yourself then go right ahead but don't expect us to agree with you.

skyyequake · 16/01/2017 15:00

Also I'm gonna ask for a refund for this spray it's clearly attracting them not repelling...

LadyMelbourne · 16/01/2017 15:09

Nathan. What trauma. Lady M suggests you try googling resources to help you cope with this challenge which must severely impact your everyday daily living.

NathanBarleyrocks · 16/01/2017 15:12

I admit I am not very tolerant of noise. I drive myself mad with it. I will try to be more mindful in future.

Dawndonnaagain · 16/01/2017 15:13

So it is ok for me to make a judgement on whether someone has SN or not then? Because I thought from comments like "So it's okay to humiliate someone just in case it's bad manners?" and "You cant tell, because theyre invisible disibilities" that that was very much not ok.
No, just assume it's the case until you find out otherwise. But by asking people nicely, you may actually be given the answer. I tend to say I'm awfully sorry, I'm Aspie and unaware that I'm doing it, I will however make more of an effort/move etc.
Just pack in looking for trouble where there isn't any, please.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 16/01/2017 15:26

One last time, in a last ditch effort to explain.

If someone is annoying you when you're out, don't leap to the conclusion they're a dick. Consider that there may be other factors behind their behaviour, and politely ask them/parent to stop/ask them to stop.

It's not hard, it takes minimal effort, in fact it becomes second nature and you won't even realise you're doing it. But it makes all the difference to the people/parents of people that you're currently speaking about with such utter disdain and cruelty.

skyyequake · 16/01/2017 15:29

Nathan it's fine to be sensitive to noise, in fact many people with SNs are too. Maybe it would be an idea to have "very quiet sessions" so that those who are really sensitive to extraneous noise could be comfortable.