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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think if you're married you have a joint bank account and joint finances

367 replies

User100 · 14/01/2017 21:02

So my wife and I have a joint bank account and joint fiances, all our money goes into and our of joint accounts. This seems to me entirely normal; the vast majority of our expenses are shared/family/kids e.g. mortgage, household bills, days out with the kids, grocery shop, kids clothing, kids clubs etc. Obviously there are occasional personal things (clothing, nights out that only involve one of us) but relatively minor in our expenses. It seems genuinely insane to me that we would keep seperate accounts then each pay half of the joint expenses - the admin would be a pain and we're married - even if we get divorced our assets would be split not on the basis of who owns them but as splitting things we own jointly.
I genuinely can't see any other way of looking at things but there is a theme in MN (and elsewhere) that suggests others view things differently. The recent example of this was a thread where someone said "I don't know why I bother working, my income barely covers child care" and numerous people responded "doesn't your husband pay half the child care". That question makes literally no sense to me (for the reasons outlined above). Can anyone explain what I'm missing?

OP posts:
AlecTrevelyan006 · 14/01/2017 21:34

I agree with the OP - I earn 4x that of my wife. Everything goes in and out of the same account. We do not have individual incomes, we have a household income. Any other way would seem weird.

PickAChew · 14/01/2017 21:34

YABU. You arrange things how they mutually suit you, as a couple. You don't need a joint account to achieve that.

I say that as someone in the same situation as the OP of another thread, today, where ex wouldn't pull his finger out and sign the piece of paper or even write to the bank to sever the joint account and the bank wouldn't close it on just my say so. Now I trust DH implicitly, far more than i should ever have trusted ExH, when it came to anything to do with money, but I'm buggered if I'm risking that headache, again.

SilentBatperson · 14/01/2017 21:35

I find the idea that people are feeling like they need to explain why they don't have a joint account the bizarre one...

Casmama · 14/01/2017 21:36

We have a joint account for savings and any bonuses either of us makes go in there. We then have a bills account for all direct debits which happens to be in my name as I do the admin and we each pay an amount that leaves us the same for spending money in individual accounts.
As a partnership we need to each have the same amount of disposable income that we don't need to explain/justify spending to the other.

GashleyCrumbTiny · 14/01/2017 21:36

We have a joint account for bills and a separate "spending" account each - but only because DH is shit with money and it stops him spending the mortgage payments on junk. We don't really operate separate finances in practice, just arrange things that way to manage his habits! I agree with you in principle, I find it weird when couples pay each other back for stuff - but I guess people do what works for them and there's a variety of reasons you might want to be separate. I have my own savings account because DH is incapable of saving and would just spend any "extra" money he had access to!

User100 · 14/01/2017 21:36

PossumInAPearTree - I can't think of a softer way to say this but I couldn't treat my OH like that (and couldn't accept being treated like that by an OH). It just strikes me as so unloving.
Seriously though (and DW and I are a case like this) where one partner has much higher earnings than the other what happens? Does the better off person live in a smaller house because the worse off person can't afford to pay the higher mortgage?

OP posts:
Magzmarsh · 14/01/2017 21:36

All our money is the same but we appear to be in the minority of our friends who mostly have separate finances. There's no right way, just what works for you.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 14/01/2017 21:37

YABU. Just because it works for you, doesn't mean that's how everyone else wants to do it. DH and I don't have joint accounts. We each pay our own things although he earns and I don't so he transfers money to me each month. I get some money of my own. Mortgage is joint names and I know everything that comes in and goes out, I'm much better with money than DH. I sort the finances and tell him what the breakdowns are.

I like it as our spending money is completely separate and neither can moan what the other spends it on and neither goes without as we have the same left after the bills are paid. We go halves on stuff like holidays. DH usually fritters his money and I'm a saver so I tend to pay for all the big stuff or tell him he owes me half.

Dulcimena · 14/01/2017 21:39

I have my earnings and accounts, DH has his. Mortgage, bills, holidays, joint spends etc all split. Not sure what benefit we'd get from the hassle/admin of setting up a joint account and moving all DD/SOs etc etc. Just not necessary for us.

Glad your way works for you though, and I shan't call your way "genuinely insane" just because it's different to mine Hmm

User100 · 14/01/2017 21:41

Reallyanotherone - "Because either person can withdraw all the money from the joint account, then say they want a divorce. No money in the joint account means no money, unless you have your own account somewhere else.

There's nothing to stop a profligate spender buying a new phone or a games console out of the joint account, leaving no money for bills."

Surely that's just a case of trusting your OH?

OP posts:
ClaryIsTheBest · 14/01/2017 21:42

We do have a joint account and I put money into my Oh's account (who is currently working PT, mainly from home, to look after DD).
I personally still have a higher amount of 'spending money' than my OH, but then again, I've always been the higher earner. And our spending money has decreased the same percentage.

But no, I'm not a fan of the 'one pot' system.

Tabbylady · 14/01/2017 21:43

I think what people do with their money is their own business, but if you have anything beyond the most basic finances (some bills, maybe rent/mortgage and normal outgoings) then it's irrational to have everything joint.

We have a joint account which mortgage, bills, childcare costs come from and we "overpay" it every month so we can save up for holidays.

Personal phones, car loans, student loan repayments, personal expenses, professional fees, work-related expenses and incidental stuff come from our own accounts and we both have our own savings accounts. For tax purposes this makes sense as we need evidence of professional fees etc and for reclaiming tax plus DH has an account in Euros as that's what his student loan is in. With the state of the £ we might TF more into Euros but haven't decided yet.

My siblings and I also have access to a savings account in which we're saving up to pre-emptively pay if my parents ever need to go into care.

It's so easy to bank online these days that it's very simple to manage all the accounts - and have lots of geeky charts to monitor overall income/outgoings (sad I know!)

StillRabbit · 14/01/2017 21:44

DH and I have shared a house and a joint account for nearly 30 years. For a few years early on I was the sole earner and later on I was a SAHM for 15 years with him as the sole earner. He currently earns about six times as. I have as me. Our money is OUR money, always has been. He is better at keeping track so if I want something expensive I do run it by him and he will tell me if we have the free cash.

I can't understand couples we know who will say things like "you owe me £15 foe your half of the curry last night" etc. The only time DH asks me about money is if he wants to pinch a tenner for my purse in which case he will ask if I need it for something else that day.

blackcherries · 14/01/2017 21:44

I've been married over a decade and never got around to having a joint account. We see our money as joint and just pay for separate bills etc kind of proportional to what we earn (what goes into each of our accounts) and just take it in turns (informally) to pay any other big purchases.
We never argue over finances as we are both equally frugal/agree that some things are worth spending money on.

elfonshelf · 14/01/2017 21:44

Together 12 years, married for 9.

Never had a joint account, we have completely separate finances and divy up paying for things between us.

Worked well so far for us.

WizardOfToss · 14/01/2017 21:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 14/01/2017 21:45

My DP is a Chartered Accountant...
My bank manager got very upset one day. He asked me how much money I had in my account... I said, I have no idea, ask my partner... But it's your account?
Yes If I don't have st least one bank account it is not good for my cepredit rating, but my DP manages all our money..

You can only have one person in charge of cash flow.

Itisnoteasybeingdifferent · 14/01/2017 21:46

Forgot to mention, engaged in 82, married in 84.

thisagain · 14/01/2017 21:47

All our money is completely shared, but we married at 22 when we had no independent money. If we met later and both had built up assets independently or one had and one hadn't, things may have been different. On the whole I think it's strange not to have everything joined, but it is hard to say without knowing the full story.

PickAChew · 14/01/2017 21:47

During a phase when DH's income and mine were very unequal, he paid the mortgage and big bills, as well as for most of the food and I paid for just some of the food and for things like clothes for the kids. We've adjusted as our relative circumstances are changed. At a point when my income improved, we put the extra money I had into some mortgage overpayments, which have been of benefit to both of us in the long run, as we've been mortgage free for several years..

gamerchick · 14/01/2017 21:48

OP its not as black and white set in stone bollocks like you're thinking yanno. I could spend time trying to explain but its pretty obvious you're not willing to take off your halo and expand your mind.

Your way is mad to me but I understand it. I just don't care how you do it.

ShotsFired · 14/01/2017 21:50

Times are very different now, when a woman was expected to stay and home/not work and be dependent on one wage. Having been financially independent since my 20s (40s now, when I met OH) I would not give it up for anyone. You never ever know what might happen. You only have to scan the boards here to see how badly some partners act and the consequences for the one left with nothing.

As it is, I own my own home and OH (co-habiting) pays me the extra he costs to live here (more utilities, groceries, makes up the loss of the 25% council tax reduction etc).

As and when we move on, I expect we'll get a joint bills account, but for now, whatever else is left over in our own accounts, is ours to keep and spend as we wish.

PickAChew · 14/01/2017 21:50

There's nothing to stop a profligate spender buying a new phone or a games console out of the joint account, leaving no money for bills."

No there isn't. One of the many reasons my ex is an ex and I stopped paying my salary into our joint account several years before i left him, just so i could make sure that bills were paid.

Doilooklikeatourist · 14/01/2017 21:50

We have a joint account , which all the bills go out of and all the wages go into
We also each have a separate bank account , and a savings account
I take money , and DH does too as and when we need it
What's there is ours to use as we wish
Worked fine for us for over 20 years

PeppaPigTastesLikeBacon · 14/01/2017 21:53

We have a joint account for bills then our own separate account.
I don't like having to ask if I can spend money I make like my friends seem to have to do who have shared finances.
It has worked for us for the past 6yrs we have lived together and had kids