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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother upsets daughter changing for swimming

207 replies

Twig45 · 13/01/2017 16:55

AIBU please tell me if I am but at swimming lessons with 2 of my ds in woman's changing rooms which has lots of cubicles. One mother is completely starkers at the lockers ( she is big lady so taking up a lot of room) she is getting dressed and shouting at her daughter who is over the other side with her back turned. Daughter is about 10 and is shouting mum you are so embarrassing there is loads of cubicles and everyone is staring. Mum is shouting it is you making everyone stare with your constant whining about everything. Everyone is staring because of the noise and because she is completely starkers and not even starting to get dressed AIBU to think this poor daughter was absolutely embarrassed and humiliated.

OP posts:
Lweji · 13/01/2017 20:21

Rixera

If you have a phobia of seeing people naked, maybe it's best to avoid public swimming pools.

atheistmantis · 13/01/2017 20:27

So what if she is big?
She's nude in a room where people get changed for swimming - what is the big deal here?
Nudity is normal in that context and YABU by being judgmental of her choices.

atheistmantis · 13/01/2017 20:31

LavenderDoll don't you mean the bum cheek of her instead of the cheek of her?!

Tweasels · 13/01/2017 20:35

Bit mad on here tonight innit?

littleoysterslittleoysters · 13/01/2017 20:35

I think we should ditch the cubicles! We all need to see each other to know the norm!

Rixera · 13/01/2017 20:40

I do lweji :p
But it doesn't seem to be an issue in shops for eg. People change in the cubicles where they're meant to and it's not such a big issue of in-your-face naked people.

Lweji · 13/01/2017 20:42

Swimming pools are different because people shower in the changing rooms. It's just silly to wash dressed.

Whereas in shops people have no reason to remove their underwear.

BubbleWrapQueen · 13/01/2017 20:47

I remember the changing rooms in topshop etc when I was a teen were open plan, no cubicles. I get naked in the changing rooms at pools and gyms. I shower, I'm wet, I want to dry, I don't want to try and cram myself into a dark tiny cubicle. I'm not a size 10 either. Oh well. People see my boobs and my muff. Not bothered tbh.

And yabu.

Pagwatch · 13/01/2017 21:06

My Saturdays job when I was 17 was looking after the communal changing rooms in a women's clothes shop.
It was pretty healthy really - all those women of different ages, shapes and sizes getting changed and realising no one looks like they do in magazines.

I did struggle with the man that kept coming in and demanding to use the communal room to try on skirts and dresses. It was very awkward for a 17 year old to deal with.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/01/2017 21:06

It's just silly to wash dressed.

Especially at this time of year. You'll freeze going back outside in soaking wet clothes.

talulahbelle · 13/01/2017 21:09

Meh, we have a cubicle section and gender segregated sections. I tend to strip off to shower, there's a lot flabbier than me at the moment.

LavenderDoll · 14/01/2017 08:27

atheist GrinGrin

KayTee87 · 14/01/2017 08:31

Obviously there was no need to mention her size but other than that yanbu if there are cubicles they should be used, no need to force other people to see you naked. I'd have been embarrassed too if i was the girl.

HorridHenryrule · 14/01/2017 10:44

The human body as beautiful as it is is seen by some people as disgusting to look at. She has all the same bits and bobs as you why does she need to hide herself. Why is the op staring at the mother and daughter when she should be getting dressed herself. Anything for a moan about nonsense some people should mind their own business.

pictish · 14/01/2017 12:27

I'm doubtful that this event even took place as described in the first place. I am even more baffled by those who claim that people hanging about the lockers naked, in a council run facility, is par for the course. I already know it's not. Why are people pretending it is?

glitterazi · 14/01/2017 12:32

Nekkid lady in the women's changing rooms?! Shock Hmm

user1471545174 · 14/01/2017 12:39

All 10 year olds are embarrassed by nudity, it's part of becoming pubertal.
There's little empathy on here for the child or for the OP for that matter, but exhibitionists probably aren't that big on empathy Grin

QuimReaper · 14/01/2017 13:03

Clary the Hampstead Heath Ladies Pond is heavenly, would be right up your street.

QuimReaper · 14/01/2017 13:04

I think it's a bit much to criticise the 10yo for "drawing attention" to the situation - it's true, but she's 10 and 10 yr olds are daft like that.

caramac04 · 14/01/2017 17:53

I'm not bothered about nudity or size (healthcare professional, seen loads of naked bodies) but frankly the mother was being VU and likely to encourage the likelihood of her poor daughter developing a complex about nudity. I'd never go swimming with her again if I were the daughter in that situation.

ClaryIsTheBest · 14/01/2017 18:17

@QuimReaper

I didn't even know you had outdoor winter swimming in London.

Yasssss!!!!
Awesome. Thank you so much. Here I coooooome :)! I don't think I've realised how much I missed this until this thread.

I just saw there are also mixed ponds? Maybe DH would like to come.

I'll have to ask him. Sorry, this comment probably seems crazy. But I'm seriously giddy. I didn't realize how much I wanted to go outdoor swimming again(not just in a pool outside. But a genuine lake, or river or something)
I could seriously hug you! :)

ClaryIsTheBest · 14/01/2017 18:28

DH just said he doesn't want to come. He says it's too cold. Oh well, that's also ok. No need to find a babysitter :)

BackforGood · 14/01/2017 18:42

Totally agree with you pictish
I've been using council pools all my life (I'm 52 and live in a City where we use several different pools, so not just one local one). I have 3 dc all of whom have been through lessons and fun sessions and swimming club trainings, etc., so I must have spent time in changing rooms thousands upon thousands of times. It is not, and never has been in all that experience, a 'thing' that people wander about naked. All the times that people have either chosen to, or needed to get changed in the communal bit, they just get on with it - from towel into clothes. I have never seen anyone wandering about, moving across to the lockers, etc without either their towel or costume on. Whether it is "right" or "wrong" that people feel their bodies are private is a different debate, but in all my years, that is what happens in all the pools I've spent time in. Hence this woman going against the norm would obviously mortify her dd, and, had I been there, like the OP, I would have been hoiking my judgey pants too (once I'd dried off under my towel, obviously Wink
Lewji - in all of our baths, the showers are on the side of the pool or in the corridor-y bit between pool and dressing room. Nobody takes their costume off to shower around here.

Emmageddon · 14/01/2017 19:03

I always thought 'large' was a euphemism for fat, obviously not because the OP has categorically stated the woman wasn't fat. So why mention her size at all?

All 10yo kids are embarrassed by their parents, regardless of what they are or aren't wearing. My mum used to pick me up from school straight from the allotment, with dirt under her fingernails and gardening clogs on. Oh the shame, when all the other mums had lipstick and pretty frocks on. Grin

wigglewam · 14/01/2017 19:26

YABU