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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother upsets daughter changing for swimming

207 replies

Twig45 · 13/01/2017 16:55

AIBU please tell me if I am but at swimming lessons with 2 of my ds in woman's changing rooms which has lots of cubicles. One mother is completely starkers at the lockers ( she is big lady so taking up a lot of room) she is getting dressed and shouting at her daughter who is over the other side with her back turned. Daughter is about 10 and is shouting mum you are so embarrassing there is loads of cubicles and everyone is staring. Mum is shouting it is you making everyone stare with your constant whining about everything. Everyone is staring because of the noise and because she is completely starkers and not even starting to get dressed AIBU to think this poor daughter was absolutely embarrassed and humiliated.

OP posts:
MrsWez · 13/01/2017 18:18

Hahaha I prefer not to look at other people's bits, to be fair, but it's up to her and her daughter to sort it out. And it's an education for your DC!

reallyanotherone · 13/01/2017 18:19

Nobody asked how old the o/p's ds's are yet?

Hope they are under 8 Hmm

/wooden spoon

diddl · 13/01/2017 18:20

I don't really understand why the daughter wasn't just in a cubicle minding her own business tbh.

If the mother was in the way of the lockers then it wouldn't matter what size she was!

I go to an outdoor pool & mostly find the changing rooms too stuffy so change outside near the locers. There are benches though so you don't have to stand in front of the lockers.

JohnnyMcGrathSaysFuckOff · 13/01/2017 18:21

No one gets to tell someone else when to get dressed and undressed except a policeman if you are naked in public!

Seriously kids get hang ups about all sorts. My toddler often wants me to walk in the road or eat something or whatever. I do not indulge such behaviour and I also wouldn't countenance such disrespect from a 10yo.

Far from being mortified at my mum's nakedness I would have been embarrassed to make a rude scene at that age.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 13/01/2017 18:24

Blimey op's really getting in the neck isn't she. I certainly didn't read it as fat shaming, merely adding a bit of colour to the rather comical scene! Fat or thin, the mum was being an arse. I feel for the daughter.

Yes because mentoning size always adds 'colour' and I'm sure op would have added it if the person had been thin

Elendon · 13/01/2017 18:27

I'm laughing at this. I didn't do the naked in public because of abdominal scars since 30, tried it a few times but people just can't help looking. However, went on a couple of swim sessions with local mums and children. All the mums got naked first in the showers, so I just joined in. All sorts, sizes, shapes, scars. No one blinked an eyelid. Then the girls got in next whilst we got dried. It was so much easier to dry them and get them changed after we had got dressed, and was quicker. The promise of the snack machine also helps.

Bettyspants · 13/01/2017 18:28

If I was 10 I'd have been mortified if my mum made no attempt to hide her nakedness. My adult self says there's no issue , I felt differently at 10 !!

ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 18:33

@BluePancakes

There are? We're London based. I have to look it up. Thanks : Why did I think you didn't have a lot of them in the Uk? Confused

Anyhow.

If the daughter was the one starting to scream then she was the one making a scene.
Maybe shouting wasn't appropriate for the situation, idk. I'm not a fan of angry screaming.

But still. Maybe the mother did get dressed a bit more leisurely than normal. But maybe she simply didn't think that her daughter screaming would have an impact on her getting dressed? Idk.

And anyhow, she was swimming before. A few clingy pieces of fabric don't really make a big difference.

ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 18:34

*should have an impact on her getting dressed.

diddl · 13/01/2017 18:34

"If I was 10 I'd have been mortified if my mum made no attempt to hide her nakedness."

But she was surely drawing more attention to her mum & herself by not just ignoring?

" mum you are so embarrassing there is loads of cubicles and everyone is staring. "

I mean that's just an awful thing to be shouting at your mum isn't it?

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 18:37

My partner told me that in men's changing rooms only because we watched the Brotherhood and my eyes went pop at the changing room scene. He told me that that's how they walk around with towel over shoulder six or eight pack showing with willies hanging down. I wonder if men bitch in the same way?

pictish · 13/01/2017 18:37

How many of you regularly see naked people in your local swimming pool changing room?
I don't. I've been to my fair share of council pools in my 41 years and I have never seen a naked woman standing about at the lockers. I'd be bloody surprised if I did.

MeadowHay · 13/01/2017 18:40

Mother wasnt "trying to deliberately embarrass her child" as Mintychoc put it. She was just doing what people do in changing rooms - getting changed. Cubicles exist for people who are too awkward/shy/have body hangups/prefer the privacy of changing separately. They are not a requirement else there would be nothing BUT cubicles. In other countries especially it is far more normal to see nude people in the changing rooms because they don't have as many hangups/fear/anxiety/whatever about their bodies as we seem to here in the UK. I found it part shocking but mostly freshing when I lived in France and saw so many more naked people not getting changed in cubicles. I can't do it myself but I wish that I could, and I wish that I had a mother who like the mother here, is teaching her child that it is perfectly acceptable to be naked in a public changing room of all places, and there is nothing embarrasing about the naked body, in fact as she said shouting and picking on your mum in front of other people is the embarrassing, rude thing, not being naked!

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/01/2017 18:42

Full on nudity when there is no need isn't generally socially acceptable here.

By here do you mean MN? I swim regularly and there are always people of all ages who are naked in the changing rooms. Nobody bats an eyelid. I'm not sure most British people are as uptight about it as you think.

It's only on MN that I've realised that people being bothered by it is a thing.

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/01/2017 18:43

x-posts pictish.

ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 18:47

I don't really go swimming a lot. But at my gym and where I train seeing naked women in the shower or the changing room isn't uncommon.

I would have never thought this subject could lead to such a long thread. I think this is genuinely fascinating. I love learning more about British culture on mumsnet.

pictish · 13/01/2017 18:48

My experience is mostly based in Fife, Edinburgh and the Lothians.
You do not routinely get naked people in council run changing rooms in those places at least.

I have seen naked people in communal areas elsewhere...private health club once, at a festival, a sweat lodge, the lovely older couple who camped near us at Glencoe and went skinny dipping in the morning.

I don't have any issue with nudity, but you do not see naked people in council pools here. Ever.

AnUtterIdiot · 13/01/2017 18:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BluePancakes · 13/01/2017 18:49

Clary Here's a starting point for your search: www.bn.org.uk/regions/lse/

We're not local to you, so the only pool on that list we've tried is at the naturist foundation, and I was pleased that it was lovely and warm! (Some naturist pools are "heated", but are bloomin' freezing!) www.naturistfoundation.org/

Graphista · 13/01/2017 18:51

No problem with nudity here, seen people naked while changing at gym/pool usually briefly but some a bit longer. Changing cubicles are usually tiny, low ceiling, stuffy little boxes.

My mum never took us swimming (terrified of water) but regularly wandered round nude at home with a less than perfect body (I agree the mentioning the lady's size was unnecessary). I do the same, dd wanders about nude (but annoys me by complaining she's cold in winter - put bloody clothes on then! ). I've been nude at points changing at swimming/gym with dd probably for quite long periods when she was a toddler, never bothered her and she's actually mentioned to me finding it weird/amusing that her friends are bothered by their parents nudity. Definitely a British thing I've lived in Northern Europe and it's a whole different attitude there. The pool I went to there didn't have cubicles at all. Showers in the gym were open plan.

Shouting at the dd probably not great but we're all human and the dd drew MORE attention to the situation so not exactly helping matters.

Clary tons of nude swimming sessions all over uk, check in with your local naturist and/or pagan groups they'll know. Great way to meet lovely people too.

C8H10N4O2 · 13/01/2017 18:52

The problem is with the daughter's behaviour not the mother's. I assume the mother wasn't demanding her daughter get changed by the lockers?

Its a women only space and I don't see how it does anything but good for young girls to see the range normal women's bodies in a normal context as a change from the sexualised, objectifying naked and semi naked images which are surrounding them every day and creating fake norms for them to live up to.

If the younger teens/pre teens are feeling body conscious they can use the cubicles but they don't get to tell everyone else what to do or shame other women for their own choice

Shallishanti · 13/01/2017 18:57

it's not the end of the world if a child is embarrassed! I'm sure my kids were embarrassed sometimes by eg being given healthy food in lunch boxes or made to wear a coat on a cold day. As a parent you may judge that overall whatever benefits come from a course of action outweigh any downside such as a child going 'muuuum.....so embarassing....'
For example, this woman may be completely happy in her own skin and wants to show her daughter that the human body is nothing to be ashamed of and in certain settings such as single sex changing rooms it's acceptable to be briefly naked. Even if you are....fat.

Memoires · 13/01/2017 18:57

How many people had to ask her to move?

ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 18:59

@BluePancakes

Cool, thanks :) I'll definitely check those out :)!!

I don't mind cold water, I'm moving and for some reason I feel like it makes me really refreshed and awake.

I have to check of some of those come with a sauna. That would be super duper neat :)!!

Although tbh, I don't get the people that go hiking naked. Nettles, brambles, Rawlings and scraping your whole body, ticks, bees etc...

ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 19:01

Plus, I always feel like cold poolsmetc are more hygienic for some weird reason. (Probably super irrational).

But just because I like naked swimming doesn't mean I'm a relaxed person or anything.