Mother upsets daughter changing for swimming

[Twig45]

AIBU please tell me if I am but at swimming lessons with 2 of my ds in woman's changing rooms which has lots of cubicles. One mother is completely starkers at the lockers ( she is big lady so taking up a lot of room) she is getting dressed and shouting at her daughter who is over the other side with her back turned. Daughter is about 10 and is shouting mum you are so embarrassing there is loads of cubicles and everyone is staring. Mum is shouting it is you making everyone stare with your constant whining about everything. Everyone is staring because of the noise and because she is completely starkers and not even starting to get dressed AIBU to think this poor daughter was absolutely embarrassed and humiliated.

I take the OP's comment on her size as meaning she was noticeable, because she was big

That comment is as bad as the OPs!

Fat shaming is live and we'll it seems.

What point would that be

That she can perform a perfectly normal task of getting changed in a changing room

It isn't deliberately embarrassing her. She was embarrassed by her mum's nudity, but that isn't her mum's intention. She just wants to get changed in the way in which she is most comfortable.

It's like changing room bingo - nudity, gratuitous mention of someone's size, boys in the women's changing room. Want to mention that your sons are 27 to add to it?

A lot of kids would have been embarrassed at a parent getting naked in front of strangers, but size has nothing to do with any of this.

I don't get it. Why would anybody ask her to go to a locker?

Is nudity not allowed outside the lockers or...?

Idk if she's thick or thin. It's a locker. Would I (with my admittedly quite athletic built) be allowed to change outside because I'm not taking up this much space?

And yes, if her DD hadn't wined she wouldn't have shouted and most people wouldn't have looked.

Public functional nudity Vs cubicals... claustrophobia rules out most cubicles for me. (I think it's because they tend to be poorly lit with low ceilings or have stuff overhanging them.) I've ended up having panic attacks in unisex changing villages.

There are ways of using communal areas more subtly. Top half can be dried and dressed, then bottom half dealt with. I put a hole in a towel to use as a poncho purely for the warmth factor (no idea why they seem to be abundant for children and scarce for adults). It's not necessary to go wondering around the place naked (I make exceptions for toddler related complications )

Daughter is not unreasonable for being embarrassed. Mother is not unreasonable for being naked in itself. Shouting is unreasonable. There is some compromising available to reduce embarrassment to the daughter. (I can remember being embarrassed around my mother's functional nudity at swimming at 16, but grew out of it soon after and long term it was a good lesson in body confidence)

This is a very British issue. Not a problem in Iceland where signs are very explicit in wanting full nudity in the shower for thorough washing of certain body parts in order to protect the quality of untreated geothermal water.

It's the shouting at each other that's embarrassing not the nudity.
Her being nude and her size are both unimportant in this situation in my opinion.

You should maybe look at the reasons why you feel the human body (in whatever form it takes) should be hidden even in situations where nudity is impossible to avoid (like changing out of swimwear) it's important that children learn that their bodies are not shameful things no matter what they look like, while obviously teaching them about their own rights and boundries in respect to their bodies.

They should try going to a poolside barbecue with Dutch, German, Swedish, and Belgian people. About 20 in total, mostly not known to each other, ages ranging from 12 up to mid 60s, very few in the best shapes of their lives.

It would be considered quite normal to all strip off in front of each other after dinner and have a skinny dip. I was to be honest, partly because I was there with my Dad and his GF.

I seriously don't get it.

Daughter screams.

People start looking because DD screamed.

DM tells DD that she was actually the one that made the scene...

And according to you DM is the embarrassment?
If that's honestly your opinion then you have issues.

It's a locker! Why shouldn't she use it to get changed? Don't you shower after swimming? The gym? Don't you see naked bodies of all shapes and sizes when doing that?
What about the sauna?

I feel for the daughter. My mother could have been a supermodel for all I cared (she wasn't) I would still have wanted the ground to open up and swallow me if she had done what this kids Mum did when I was 10.

It's the human body. It's just skin and some flappy bits.

I like being naked. I wish the Uk had more (any?) naked bathing options.

Or that being topless when sunbathing next to the pool was normal etc.

Nice bit of fat shaming there OP.

Here, have a

Sounds like neither were behaving well. I'm not a fan of shouting but sounds like the child was misbehaving and we've all snapped at some point. I wouldn't let my kid dictate where I got changed.

At our gym which is a large well known chain there are 2 cubicles which I do chose to use but the majority of people of all sizes and ages do use the communal area to change. Each to their own. I agree with the mother. If the daughter hadn't been moaning who'd have even noticed what was going on?

Seen lots of naked ladies in changing rooms, when I was young I'd giggle. When I got older I'd look away or wouldn't notice. I think her mum is brave, I wouldn't dare show my bits and bobs off for fear of ridicule.........

I wouldn't do it personally, but this is just because she's larger, if she had been slim you wouldn't have gave two shits?! And your comment about her taking up slot of space is rude.

"A lot"

My understanding was that the woman was getting changed in front of the storage lockers thus preventing other people from accessing them.
Mum is not unreasonable to get naked in the changing room, but if I was the daughter I would have kept quiet and pretended she's not with me.

Bizarre that a fat person is being fat shamed after exercising.

iamavodkadrinker

Sorry bout spelling was trying to walk through snow in dark and thought I should answer your questions. I take it on board that a lot seem to say I'm bu because of the lady's size and I will take that but if you were there it was a lot more u than I can see descibe and it felt very much that the lady was taking her time on purpose because of the daughter reactions

Here's one from me .

YANBU. I agree with bluntness on p1.
It may be a 'british problem', but its quite relevant that most folk hereare British. Full on nudity when there is no need isn't generally socially acceptable here.
There are cubicles there to change in. Even if there weren't (I've changed in different changing rooms around the uk), you can get changed without parading about, embarrassing your dc.