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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Mother upsets daughter changing for swimming

207 replies

Twig45 · 13/01/2017 16:55

AIBU please tell me if I am but at swimming lessons with 2 of my ds in woman's changing rooms which has lots of cubicles. One mother is completely starkers at the lockers ( she is big lady so taking up a lot of room) she is getting dressed and shouting at her daughter who is over the other side with her back turned. Daughter is about 10 and is shouting mum you are so embarrassing there is loads of cubicles and everyone is staring. Mum is shouting it is you making everyone stare with your constant whining about everything. Everyone is staring because of the noise and because she is completely starkers and not even starting to get dressed AIBU to think this poor daughter was absolutely embarrassed and humiliated.

OP posts:
DailyFaily · 13/01/2017 19:01

We don't see people naked in council pools here because our local pools have changed to changing villages where the showers are poolside and the changing areas are mixed-sex - I find it infuriating actually that I can't strip off in the shower there.

In the private pool of the gym I used to go to there were separate male/female changing rooms and there were frequently naked women in the communal areas in there (well, the women's, can't speak for the mens). This has been my experience of all private pools with separate changing rooms - it's a safe space and a lot of women feel comfortable to be naked in them. I can't recall seeing anyone 'parading around naked' in these places mind - they're just getting on with their business, not doing the lambada. It's a shame for the 10 year old in the OP, but 10 years are embarrassed by their parents all the time - my 8 year old finds me embarrassing when I dance in public, not going to stop me doing it!

AnUtterIdiot · 13/01/2017 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lweji · 13/01/2017 19:13

It depends.
Who started making noises and drawing attention to themselves?

If the daughter started acting out because her mother was naked in a changing room, then the daughter is being unreasonable.

If the daughter just turned her back or spoke quietly, then the mother was for shouting.

She was not unreasonable for being naked, though.

januarybooze · 13/01/2017 19:15

Eww. Why was anyone naked?! Yuck.

Lweji · 13/01/2017 19:17

I also don't the the problem about being asked to move. She'd have to move if she was naked or dressed if she was in the same place.

LittleIda · 13/01/2017 19:17

I can't recall seeing anyone 'parading around naked' in these places mind - they're just getting on with their business, not doing the lambada.

Grin
Lweji · 13/01/2017 19:19

Surely people just shower naked and may go and get dressed naked or with a towel wrapped around. I'd do the towel just because I get cold. But really don't care less about being naked.

Rixera · 13/01/2017 19:35

I think it's a bit selfish to brag about being confident enough to get naked in front of people and not care. What if the other people care? I can't run blindly into a cubicle, so if there are naked people standing around there's no option but to see them and have a panic attack.

Okay if you're claustrophobic and can't use a cubicle why not find a quiet corner? Why does your phobia trump mine? It's a good job I can't swim...

Bettyspants · 13/01/2017 19:35

Didi yes that's very true, as a 10 yr old I'd have kept quiet!!

SpartacusWoman · 13/01/2017 19:39

In mentioning her size and nakedness the way you did, it made it sound like that was why you thought she was Embarassing her daughter.

If the girl was in tears and yelling just because Mum was stood in front of the lockers and people were saying excuse me, total over reaction for a NT child to behave like that.

If it was mums nakedness, then it's still a total over action from a NT 10 year old. I say that as someone with a similar aged dd who is embarassed with me being naked, but she knows in changing rooms to expect it, be it me or someone else because sometimes cubicles are all full, and many people sometimes can't use them due to a variety of conditions. She's fine with that and I'd be embarassed of her if she yelled and cried like that.

Shes more uncomfortable about boys being in the female changing rooms than a naked woman to be honest. Not saying YABU in taking your two sons as you haven't said how old they are, but dd has often had to wait for a boy to finish using the female changing room before she can. I don't mean little toddlers etc, I mean kids of 8, 9 and 10 and I know there ages because they've been in same class as dd.
Yes there's cubicles and dd uses them when she can, but she's been called a prude by the mums when she's refused to be naked in front of their older sons, who oddly manage in the male rooms when swimming there during school lessons, but somehow need supervising by their Mum on a Saturday.

Eevee77 · 13/01/2017 19:41

YABU. It's a changing room. She did nothing wrong. YABVU for mentioning her size

I wouldn't do it though, I'm sure a the child would have been mortified if there had been other kids from her school. But meh, kids are always going to be embarrassed by their parents.

januarybooze · 13/01/2017 19:44

Pretty sure she would have been embarrassed more about the nakedness than the fatness?

Pagwatch · 13/01/2017 19:44

I'm also really surprised that a young girl who is apparently embaressed started shouting. I've never seen an embaressed child shout loudly, drawing attention quite specifically to the thing that is embaressing them.

Pagwatch · 13/01/2017 19:46

When I embaress my children they tend to mutter or do this sort of 'jesusfuck, not again' face.

liz70 · 13/01/2017 19:48

"she's been called a prude by the mums when she's refused to be naked in front of their older sons"

In what lunatic universe does this insanity actually take place? Shock Confused

Original poster
Twig45 · 13/01/2017 19:53

I never said she did anything wrong being naked and actually everyone is calling her fat I never said fat I said large and that's what I meant -she wasn't fat! The only thing she shouldn't have been doing imo was screaming in her daughters face whatever the reason naked or not

OP posts:
SheNumpty · 13/01/2017 19:55

You've all chased the OP by pointing out her (perhaps unconscious) attitude towards larger people. Her username starting with 'Twig' is probably significant however.

Original poster
Twig45 · 13/01/2017 19:57

Actually again you are making assumptions it's an old nickname from uni and I'm a large lady as well !

OP posts:
ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 20:00

Okidoki.

Anyhow. So, do I understand you:

You are simply upset that she screamed st her daughter and made her cry?

not about the nakedness, largeness or anything?

Well, crying isn't nice.

But telling the mother that she's embarrassing and should go to the cubicle because people are staring wasn't exactly nice either, was it? Maybe the DD behaves like this often and the DM just couldn't or didn't want to deal with it.

ClaryIsTheBest · 13/01/2017 20:00

*making somebody cry isn't nice. Oops.

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 20:02

I thought her daughter was on the other side of the room with her back turned and now she was shouting in her face. Make your mind up.

Strongmummy · 13/01/2017 20:02

I'm confused, who started the shouting? However, the fact the woman was large and naked has nothing to do with anything.

HorridHenryrule · 13/01/2017 20:04

Are you timing how long it takes her to get dressed you should mind your business and get dressed yourself.

LavenderDoll · 13/01/2017 20:05

Why mention her size
How dare she be fat and naked.. the cheek of her
Biscuit

SootSprite · 13/01/2017 20:13

So she's a 'big lady' but she isn't fat??? What...was she 7' tall??? Really?

So she's screaming in her daughters face even though she is over the over side of the room??

Erm.....something doesn't add up here Hmm

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