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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a menu Bridezilla?

160 replies

ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning · 13/01/2017 15:20

Advice please.
Wedding reception for about 110 people.
Venue have asked us to choose the following
A main set 3 course meal (which include meat or fish)
A set vegetarian alternative
A set children's alternative (there are about 8 children under 10 being invited)

They will also accommodate other essential requirements like gluten free / vegan.
We need to know what people want in advance.
We want to ensure that people's ethical or medical food requirements are met, but we don't half the guests going "off piste" cos they're "not keen" on something. Leave it to the side then!

We plan to put an insert in with the main invitation re food choices.

What we WANT to write is....
Listen up people!
There is a set menu for the carnivores. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the vegetarians. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the children, if little Jimmy doesn't like chicken and chips, there is a Macdonald's by the roundabout at the M69 junction.
Please don't ask me to mess with the menu for over a hundred people cos you've decided to go Low Carb for this one week, but you will be living on bread and pizza until then.
But if you genuinely have Coeliac disease, of course I will order a gluten free menu for you because the last thing I want to do is wipe out your intestinal Villi for the next six months

Obviously, I won't write that. But I need to get that across in a much more polite and socially acceptable way.

It's a second wedding so I am of the generation where you ate what you were given and left anything you didn't like on the side of the plate.

Any suggestions for wordings that you have used that have helped you avoid Menu Option Hell

Many thanks from a Bridezilla in waiting

OP posts:
EZA15 · 13/01/2017 15:22

Is it weird that I actually would write that and wouldn't change a word?!

peroxidebrown · 13/01/2017 15:22

Send out RSVP cards with "any dietary requirements" on it.

If they have none - they get the set carnivore menu
Any other requirements are catered for by adapting the vegetarian menu.

Just don't give people options!

Bluntness100 · 13/01/2017 15:23

I'm clearly missing the point, just tell the staff not to accept any other orders as you won't pay for it and only give the options you've decided.

Ilovecaindingle · 13/01/2017 15:24

Maybe make the invite double sided with PC on one side and RL on the other?
PC being politically correct and RL - real life!!

SquedgieBeckenheim · 13/01/2017 15:27

Just ask for dietary requirements on the RSVP. Don't tell them the menu you have chosen in advance (I've never been told that). Then they're less likely to be awkward for the sake of it.
Or send out what you wrote!

ClaraLane · 13/01/2017 15:27

Don't give them options, I wouldn't even mention menu choices and would wait for the veggies to contact you themselves.

LittleBoat · 13/01/2017 15:28

What Peroxide said but include a date to return by.
So on the bottom of the invitation:

please let us know of any food allergies or intolerances by xx/xx/xxxx

Original poster
ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning · 13/01/2017 15:29

Bluntness I'm not thinking that people will turn up on the day and decide that they want something different. I hope my friends have better manners than that.
We're asking for RSVP by email, and I'm more concerned that I will be asked in advance for "vegetarian with no mushrooms" or "anything as long as it's not salmon"

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 13/01/2017 15:30

Don't even mention it. Just ask for dietary requirements.

Trifleorbust · 13/01/2017 15:31

Just say "Please let us know about any dietary requirements by X date". Then serve what you were going to serve.

honeysucklejasmine · 13/01/2017 15:31

Cross post. I can't imagine being that rude. It's dirty requirements. Not preferences.

As you say, if you don't like it, push it to one side and eat the rest.

LittleBoat · 13/01/2017 15:32

Planning, If you get any daft requests like that, just brush them off. People can eat, or not eat, the lovely meal you have provided... their choice.

JellyWitch · 13/01/2017 15:32

The only thing I would say if if the kids menu is crap rather than a small version of an adults meal, then you might get complaints?

LittleBoat · 13/01/2017 15:32

And I say this as a mother of a very fussy eater.

eurochick · 13/01/2017 15:33

I agree with just asking for dietary requirements. You don't need to do anything else.

LunaLoveg00d · 13/01/2017 15:33

And don't mention intolerances! People saying they're intolerant to odd things is very trendy, most of them haven't been tested. All you need to put is something like "please let us know if you have specific dietary requirements".

SparkleShinyGlitter · 13/01/2017 15:34

Just give veggie/meat/fish/child's as options on the RSVP and add a box for any allergies ? and tell the staff you will only pay for the set menus.

I think what your doing is fine, you are providing a veggie and child's meal along side the meat/fish. The only people that I would make exceptions for are people with actually allergies

I done similar at my wedding they got a choice on the RSVP of veggie/meat/fish obviously my 1 family member with a nut allergy was catered for but I can't stand fussy adults you know the ones that can't eat a pea or couldn't possibly eat a potatoe due to a low carb diet I have no time for it, Your an adult eat it!

Passmethecrisps · 13/01/2017 15:34

Stick to dietary requirements.

We gave our guests a choice of three mains - two meat based and one veg. Everyone had to choose before the event. We had at least 5 people changed their minds when they saw the meals come out. Generally that was ok as the kitchen had sort of anticipated a bit. What irked was one guest arguing the toss that we had got her order wrong.

DodoRevival · 13/01/2017 15:35

I think you're making this more complicated than needed. Is there a reason you think you'll get these responses?

It's possible you might out of 110 get 1 or 2 odd balls telling you that they don't like mushrooms but it's hardly going to be the majority.

I suggest you just ignore any requests that are based on fickleness.

pasturesgreen · 13/01/2017 15:37

Never been to a wedding where menu options were mentioned in the invitation, that's weird, people don't need to know. Just have a "dietary requirements" sections, as PPs have suggested.

MummyToThree479 · 13/01/2017 15:37

Just ask for allergies_ ONLY on the RSVP? That is what we done, I don't care if Sue doesn't like mushrooms your an adult ffs deal with it sue!

PunjanaTea · 13/01/2017 15:37

Just ask for dietary requirements. People will then let you know if they want the veggie option. I have never known anyone put in a specific request for food they would like to eat, and it's definitely something that would be gossiped about.

CMOTDibbler · 13/01/2017 15:38

I'd do a reply card (not a food choice one, a we will/will not be coming one) with a tick box for vegetarian, gluten free, dairy free, and a line marked 'Any allergies?' No room for choosing past veggie and medical necessity.

As a coeliac, can I make a small, non fussy plea that you ask the hotel what a gluten free meal will actually be - I've been served melon, followed by plain vegetables, followed by melon in the past. And if you are relying on a buffet or canapes to feed your guests at any point, something we can eat would be great too - I went to one wedding where the grooms mum was also coeliac and in the evening there was nothing she could eat.

Lelloteddy · 13/01/2017 15:38

Keep it simple.

'Please let us know if you require a vegetarian, vegan or gluten free meal'

I'm confused as to why you would think you need to do anything else? Have you seen this on other invitations?

onemorecupofcoffeefortheroad · 13/01/2017 15:38

We were married last July and had three choices, just like you, that we sent out in advance of the event, just like you, with a note that if anyone had any gluten or vegan requirements to let us know and we could accommodate them.

No-one questioned it - apart one family with one small child who has complex eating issues that we were happy to accommodate and were able to address within the remit of what we had on offer.

Don't even put the idea into people's minds that other options even could potentially exist, (whether you intend to take them or not) it just creates mayhem.
Shut down the possibility by saying that the caterers can cater for the following: options 1), 2), and 3) and could anyone with any vegan or gluten requirements let you (or the caterers) know asap. and you will do your best to accommodate them.

And that's it, no need to say any more .