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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a menu Bridezilla?

160 replies

ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning · 13/01/2017 15:20

Advice please.
Wedding reception for about 110 people.
Venue have asked us to choose the following
A main set 3 course meal (which include meat or fish)
A set vegetarian alternative
A set children's alternative (there are about 8 children under 10 being invited)

They will also accommodate other essential requirements like gluten free / vegan.
We need to know what people want in advance.
We want to ensure that people's ethical or medical food requirements are met, but we don't half the guests going "off piste" cos they're "not keen" on something. Leave it to the side then!

We plan to put an insert in with the main invitation re food choices.

What we WANT to write is....
Listen up people!
There is a set menu for the carnivores. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the vegetarians. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the children, if little Jimmy doesn't like chicken and chips, there is a Macdonald's by the roundabout at the M69 junction.
Please don't ask me to mess with the menu for over a hundred people cos you've decided to go Low Carb for this one week, but you will be living on bread and pizza until then.
But if you genuinely have Coeliac disease, of course I will order a gluten free menu for you because the last thing I want to do is wipe out your intestinal Villi for the next six months

Obviously, I won't write that. But I need to get that across in a much more polite and socially acceptable way.

It's a second wedding so I am of the generation where you ate what you were given and left anything you didn't like on the side of the plate.

Any suggestions for wordings that you have used that have helped you avoid Menu Option Hell

Many thanks from a Bridezilla in waiting

OP posts:
EmeraldScorn · 15/01/2017 04:06

If you really want to address the matter in advance then I'd just add a quick side note with the invitation along the lines of;

"Any guest with special dietary requirements will be catered for if they let us know of their need in advance. All other guests will be provided with a set menu".

It's to the point and expresses the fact that unless it's a special need ie; Coeliac, then everyone else regardless of ANYTHING will be eating from a set menu.

Orchidaceous · 15/01/2017 06:05

"Dietary needs" sounds better than "dietary requirements", more about your health/religion than being fussy.

Or include a bit that asks"Please mention any food allergies/intolerances" so people know they can mention intolerances (things that might cause e.g. stomach upsets or rashes) rather than just things than would give them anaphylactic shock.

You might want to include a Low Fodmap option too, for people with IBS. It's a medically supervised diet that involves cutting out gluten, dairy and lots of other food, including a wide variety of fruits and vegetables (e.g. onions, garlic, tomatoes).

A lot of people who ask for gluten and dairy free and add some fruit/vegetable exclusions are trying to piece together Low Fodmap.

MrsHathaway · 15/01/2017 11:17

But what the fuck difference does it make whether someone is having the gluten-free option because she's coeliac or because she's being a special snowflake?

It's an incontrovertible fact that g-f options are becoming more common at venues because more people are asking for them.

Denying someone a choice that already exists because you think their reason isn't good enough is wankery.

Original poster
ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning · 15/01/2017 11:59

allthewaves oh no, I'm certainly not emailing the set menu choices out to everyone. That way lies madness!

The hotel will do a GF option on request and I'm not really that bothered as to why someone follows a GF diet (despite my whinge in my OP)

I'm sorry, offering a low FODMAP option is a step too far.
I've got IBS and tried low FODMAP myself, and it was so mind numbingly dull that I gave up.

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 15/01/2017 14:13

Ooh yes, I agree that offering FODMAP/paleo/raw/low carb options risks disappearing so far up your own arse you'll crash into your own tonsils.

But lots of posters are going along the "if it isn't a certified diagnosed life-threatening allergy then you should ignore them and give them extra just for spite" which is nuts.

"Please let us know of any special dietary requirements by even if you think we already know" is giving your guests an opportunity to tell you about foodstuffs that would seriously prevent them from enjoying the day. You take those declarations at face value and accommodate whatever you can, in conversation with your caterer/venue. Some of them may even amuse you - whether deliberately or not ...

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 15/01/2017 14:47

We had two options, meat and vegetarian, which also doubled as gluten free to save having to have another option. The starter was the same for both and the vegetarian dessert was fruit salad rather than lemon tart.

We didn't bother with a children's option, they just had half portions of the adult meal.

We made sure the main meal was something most people could eat and had chicken with roast potatoes and veg (I can't remember the veggi/gluten free option).

user1484317265 · 15/01/2017 14:55

But lots of posters are going along the "if it isn't a certified diagnosed life-threatening allergy then you should ignore them and give them extra just for spite" which is nuts

It;s not nuts at all, its simply not entertaining peoples silliness. Its ignoring the "oh I'm gluten intolerant except when I fancy pizza or cake" crowd, which vastly outnumber coeliacs, for example.
Pandering to their nonsense only encourages it. AND makes your wedding more expensive!

januarybooze · 15/01/2017 15:04

If you are offering things some people can't eat (non FODMAP like you said) then make it clear you will accept people bringing their own.

I avoid weddings because of the food.

user1484317265 · 15/01/2017 15:06

Not can't eat, its choose not to eat,

And no to people bringing their own, its a wedding not a picnic.

januarybooze · 15/01/2017 15:08

But if there's nothing they can eat and they can't bring their own, they're not going to come, are they?

user1484317265 · 15/01/2017 15:12

Again, there is stuff they CAn eat, but they CHOOSE not to. If they put their food preferences above family commitments, best they don't come.

januarybooze · 15/01/2017 15:14

I am not talking about people who are being fussy, I am talking about people doing it for health reasons as per my post.

expatinscotland · 15/01/2017 16:00

Just make the veggie option GF/vegan. Job done. It's not a fucking restaurant or a picnic. This is why having a buffet makes a lot of sense.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/01/2017 16:11

I generally can't eat from buffets. Everything is either carbs or meat.

MrsStinkey · 15/01/2017 16:21

The weddings I've been to you just got what you were given and you let the party know beforehand if you need a vegetarian meal or have a genuine dietary requirement like dairy free, nut free, gluten free etc. I haven't even been told what I'd be eating in advance and neither have the veggies or those with the specific requirements. Seems to be the norm and hasn't bothered me in the slightest as long as DD gets a dairy free meal.

expatinscotland · 15/01/2017 16:24

Guess it's better for you to stay home, He. Hosts do what they can within the confines of their budget but they aren't running a restaurant and unless specified, their wedding isn't a picnic.

HeCantBeSerious · 15/01/2017 16:26

As I said before, I generally take my own food.

OvariesBeforeBrovaries · 15/01/2017 16:32

I'm not sure what the problem is with people taking their own food? Seems a bit precious. I wouldn't have minded if people brought and ate their own food at our wedding; I'm used to taking something gluten free with me wherever I go after the time I went to a conference, told them I needed gluten free in response to their request for any dietary requirements and got there, for them to tell me "what's gluten free out of this stuff?" and look shocked when I said there wasn't anything. I've learned from that very hungry experience Grin

GSThom · 15/01/2017 16:34

Just ask for dietary requirements by a set date. Don't give people an option.
We were sent out a menu for a wedding with 3 choices for starters, main and desert and had to tick what we wanted and return by a given date. That was ok but the menu was awful and I didn't like a thing on it, but I had to choose something and on the day I ate what I could and left the rest. I just made sure I raided the sweet cart later, ate loads at the buffet and ordered crisps from the bar. It was what the wedding party wanted and I had to respect that. (although for a starter I asked for the nuggets the kids were having. If they had it for kids they could make me a portion Wink and I was pregnant. Who was gonna argue with a pregnant woman? )

user1484317265 · 15/01/2017 16:48

I am not talking about people who are being fussy, I am talking about people doing it for health reasons as per my post

You don't NEED a fodmap meal, you choose that. It's not well backed up by science and its not like a nut allergy, its not necessary that you have a certain meal. It's a CHOICE.

And the problem with people taking their own food is because venues don't allow you to have guests bringing a picnic. You eat the venues food or you don't go.

januarybooze · 15/01/2017 16:57

User

But if it works for someone, why shit on it?

It's recommended by NHS doctors and nutritionists.

I really don't get why anyone would want people be in pain or unnecessary discomfort.

user1484317265 · 15/01/2017 17:04

If it works for you, fine. But other peoples weddings are not about your food choices.
Some people say they feel better gluten free, despite having no medical need. Same with dairy, or mushrooms make them feel yucky, or they get indigestion after onions.
If the wedding caterers pandered to ALL of these, can you imagine the cost? And why you and not them?
No. Eat what you want from the set meal, don't expect the world to always make you happy. It's their wedding, not a nice dinner out for you.

Ethylred · 15/01/2017 17:05

The only thing to put on an invitation is RSVP. You're inviting people to a party, not taking orders in a restaurant. Your guests come and like what they're offered because that's what guests do.

januarybooze · 15/01/2017 17:10

To be honest, I don't like weddings and wouldn't be worried about missing any bar close family who would make allowances. If it's a choice between missing a wedding or putting myself through agony then I know which I'd choose. I certainly don't expect anyone to make allowances but just don't expect me to come (or be fine with no eating).

GSThom · 15/01/2017 17:17

You might want to consider it if you have plenty guests with ibs as your toilets may be full the rest of the night 😂 ibs can be horrendous and isn't a lifestyle choice if you suffer badly with it.

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