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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be a menu Bridezilla?

160 replies

ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning · 13/01/2017 15:20

Advice please.
Wedding reception for about 110 people.
Venue have asked us to choose the following
A main set 3 course meal (which include meat or fish)
A set vegetarian alternative
A set children's alternative (there are about 8 children under 10 being invited)

They will also accommodate other essential requirements like gluten free / vegan.
We need to know what people want in advance.
We want to ensure that people's ethical or medical food requirements are met, but we don't half the guests going "off piste" cos they're "not keen" on something. Leave it to the side then!

We plan to put an insert in with the main invitation re food choices.

What we WANT to write is....
Listen up people!
There is a set menu for the carnivores. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the vegetarians. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the children, if little Jimmy doesn't like chicken and chips, there is a Macdonald's by the roundabout at the M69 junction.
Please don't ask me to mess with the menu for over a hundred people cos you've decided to go Low Carb for this one week, but you will be living on bread and pizza until then.
But if you genuinely have Coeliac disease, of course I will order a gluten free menu for you because the last thing I want to do is wipe out your intestinal Villi for the next six months

Obviously, I won't write that. But I need to get that across in a much more polite and socially acceptable way.

It's a second wedding so I am of the generation where you ate what you were given and left anything you didn't like on the side of the plate.

Any suggestions for wordings that you have used that have helped you avoid Menu Option Hell

Many thanks from a Bridezilla in waiting

OP posts:
BackforGood · 13/01/2017 17:26

I agree with everyone else - you are really overthinking this. You dont need to mention anything about food other than asking for anyone to let you know of any dietary requirements by x date.
When you go to a wedding, you get what you are given. If there's something you dont like you leave it.
If you are a fuss pot over food then you would carry provisions with you wherever you went, presumably.

WhoKn0wsWhereTheTimeG0es · 13/01/2017 17:27

Yes to half portions of the adult food for children, mine aren't keen on chicken nuggets etc.

Generally people who have allergies/dietary requirements will tell you without prompting but it doesn't hurt to ask for dietary requirements. I have a friend who has a yeast allergy and can't eat mushrooms or bread, we also had Muslim guests (no pork or alcohol) and vegetarians.

pinkunicornsarefluffy · 13/01/2017 17:31

If you are doing name cards, my friend wrote everyones meals on the back of their name card, so there was no arguing over what they had ordered.

We didn't have a choice of food, we just asked if anyone was vegetarian as we were having a roast dinner.

purplefizz26 · 13/01/2017 17:36

Don't give them a choice Confused

Just tell the venue what you want
Meat
Veg
Children

Then put on the invitations let us know if you have allergies/dietary requirements or are vegetarian.

Gather numbers for each choice

Done

I would never expect to choose my meal at a wedding.

Genevieva · 13/01/2017 17:37

That is what I did too. One sentence asking for anyone with special dietary needs to let us know. I already knew who was veggie and that 2 people isn't like fish, but it was good to get confirmation anyway. We then chose a menu with:

  • one normal (which the kids had too, but they were all family and I knew they weren't fussy eaters)
  • one for vegetarians, a vegan, a dairy and some members of a Hindu family. It turned out one of the vegetarians didn't like aubergine and peppers so couldn't eat the main part of the meal, but that was not my problem. Thankfully I didn't know on the day and was able to laugh at the idea of a vegetarian who doesn't eat such core ingredients in veggie cooking.

The more diverse your friends needs are the harder it is though. I am from a rural area and we used almost entirely local produce. Thankfully we didn't have anyone on a faddy diet, or rude enough to impose it on us. One of my friends has since converted to Islam. Had that happened before our wedding they would have had to have the vegan option as there is no such thing as local halal meat and I would not have changed the whole menu for one person when we already knew what local foods we wanted to give our guests the opportunity to try. So, start by choosing what you want to eat, then choose an option that suits everyone who won't eat that.

RockNRollNerd · 13/01/2017 17:58

Hurrah for half portions of adult food for children, good move.

I would just ask if people want meat or veggie option, anyone with serious dietary requirements will let you know as a matter of course. Anyone who comes back with stuff like no grains cos I'm a simpering Helmsley acolyte can be told veg or meat, leave anything you don't eat on the plate.

If you are giving people choices please make sure there is a note of their choices on e.g. Place cards, you'd be surprised how many people forget what they asked for and it causes havoc for the poor waiting staff on the day.

ShowMePotatoSalad · 13/01/2017 18:02

I know what you mean. It's hard enough catering for a large group without all the additional requests. If someone is low carb they can take or leave their potatoes...they don't need an entirely different meal, not for one day.

Dietary requirements are a different thing and it's easy to request gluten free, vegetarian, vegan meals now. I wouldn't worry about anything more specific than that.

waterrat · 13/01/2017 18:05

You are massively over complicating it. Simple question. Please inform us of dietary requirements. You then tell venue who give guests food. Nobody is given any choice or information about the meal.

LucklessMonster · 13/01/2017 18:07

It turned out one of the vegetarians didn't like aubergine and peppers so couldn't eat the main part of the meal, but that was not my problem. Thankfully I didn't know on the day and was able to laugh at the idea of a vegetarian who doesn't eat such core ingredients in veggie cooking.

You're a twat.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 13/01/2017 18:07

I pretty much knew everyone's requirements when we got married so just had a tick box for vegetarian. Everyone had the same vegetarian starter and pudding. The mains were meat, vegetarian or children's meals of our choosing and we ordered the kids meals for all the kids even though some would have preferred the adult meal. It was about a third of the price and we had a lots of kids there so we didn't give a choice. We also chose quite unadventurous food so it appealed to the masses.

Mungobungo · 13/01/2017 18:14

Is it worth I giving options. E.g

"Please rsvp with your meal preference for the day:

Meaty
Fishy
Veggie
Vegan
Gluten free
Dairy free"

Then little tick boxes corresponding so they tick one so you know what kind of meal to order but not giving them options about content of that meal.

PetalMettle · 13/01/2017 18:25

I wouldn't give options. Those who actually have allergies will let you know, and you don't want to put no gluten it into random "I'm trying to carb dodge" guests minds. Keep the gluten free for the coeliacs. A line saying dietary requirements should be fine

NoraDora · 13/01/2017 18:43

Luckless you are rude.

OP just ask for dietary requirements to be emailed. We only got allergies and veggies.

user1484317265 · 13/01/2017 19:02

It turned out one of the vegetarians didn't like aubergine and peppers so couldn't eat the main part of the meal, but that was not my problem. Thankfully I didn't know on the day and was able to laugh at the idea of a vegetarian who doesn't eat such core ingredients in veggie cooking

They could eat it, they just chose not too because of their own likes. It's childish, just eat the damn aubergine or don't, but the bride should never have heard about it.

melj1213 · 13/01/2017 19:02

I've been to plenty of weddings and at most there is an RSVP card with something like:

Menu Option
(please select one per guest)

Meat _ Fish Vegetarian _

Additional allergy/dietary requirements: __

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/01/2017 19:16

As PPs have said, the problem with "Dietary requirements" is that you do get the dickhead who gives you a list of things that they dont like rather than cant eat for medical or religious reasons.

Thats why I think "Allergies" is a better choice.

MrsSnow · 13/01/2017 19:25

Write that, it sounds great.

As a coeliac I like the mention and understanding Smile

limitedperiodonly · 13/01/2017 19:55

I like these threads but I think I'm missing the point with this one. And I do like to get it right Grin

Are you going to say:

  1. This is the meat option
  1. This is the vegetarian option
  2. This is the children's menu which all children will be given

Please choose by X date.

I think that would be fair because if I didn't like anything (very unlikely) I'd eat beforehand but have something just to pick at to be sociable. I wouldn't sit there without a plate in front of me because I think it would look attention-seeking and make the other people on the table uncomfortable. I'd realise you'd paid for a wasted meal and feel guilty but I think it looks odd to sit there not eating while everyone else is tucking in.

I had a much smaller wedding than you. 50 guests and we ended up with 44 because a family of 6 couldn't make it at the last minute. It was a private room in a restaurant and everyone could order off the standard menu. When I booked they gave me a sample menu on the understanding that it might change a bit on the day but would be broadly the same. We ate there all the time so were already familiar and very happy with their food.

I passed the sample menu round, not because people needed to choose in advance, but because I was so happy and excited. Not many people commented but those that did said things like: 'Looks great!' 'Ooh yummy!'

One person dissected the menu and said it was unsuitable, especially for children. We're not talking about any dietary requirements here. I didn't know what to say. I should have said: 'Stop off at a Macdonald's en route. Buy takeaway. Let your children eat it in the car. Let them run around or colour in quietly at the table - whatever they want to do. I don't care.'

limitedperiodonly · 13/01/2017 19:57

I may be overinvested but I do like a wedding food thread Grin

clippityclop · 13/01/2017 20:34

This is why we had a buffet.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 13/01/2017 22:03

Just 'allergies' is a bad idea. Those of us who have explosive diarrhoea after eating the things we can't tolerate would like to think our hosts, friends and society were all more tolerant and didn't automatically assume we were all taking the piss. I'm only 'allergic' to one foodstuff but the other things that give me problems are far from trivial!

manalice · 13/01/2017 22:12

At ours we had two vege, one didn't eat anything but chicken, one genuine coeliac and an odd uncle that only eats omelettes when out of the house (I kid you not). The venue were more than happy to oblige every guest.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/01/2017 22:50

But Snork that would be fine to put under "allergies" because it is a medical problem.

Caterina99 · 14/01/2017 00:12

We just put on our invitation please let us know if you have any dietary requirements. Think we had one vegetarian, one vegan and then several of my family members are coeliac. Out of 100 guests. No one rsvped with "no mushrooms" or "low carb" . Most people are used to eating what they get given at a wedding

SadTrombone · 14/01/2017 00:27

Our RSVP cards had a space for dietary requirements...
We got one back that said "no tomatoes please I don't like them"
Hmm

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