AIBU to be a menu Bridezilla?

[ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning]

Advice please.
Wedding reception for about 110 people.
Venue have asked us to choose the following
A main set 3 course meal (which include meat or fish)
A set vegetarian alternative
A set children's alternative (there are about 8 children under 10 being invited)

They will also accommodate other essential requirements like gluten free / vegan.
We need to know what people want in advance.
We want to ensure that people's ethical or medical food requirements are met, but we don't half the guests going "off piste" cos they're "not keen" on something. Leave it to the side then!

We plan to put an insert in with the main invitation re food choices.

What we WANT to write is....
Listen up people!
There is a set menu for the carnivores. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the vegetarians. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the children, if little Jimmy doesn't like chicken and chips, there is a Macdonald's by the roundabout at the M69 junction.
Please don't ask me to mess with the menu for over a hundred people cos you've decided to go Low Carb for this one week, but you will be living on bread and pizza until then.
But if you genuinely have Coeliac disease, of course I will order a gluten free menu for you because the last thing I want to do is wipe out your intestinal Villi for the next six months

Obviously, I won't write that. But I need to get that across in a much more polite and socially acceptable way.

It's a second wedding so I am of the generation where you ate what you were given and left anything you didn't like on the side of the plate.

Any suggestions for wordings that you have used that have helped you avoid Menu Option Hell

Many thanks from a Bridezilla in waiting

Thank you all for your comments.
I'm obviously overthinking this (or I have read too many mumsnet Crap Wedding threads!).
I will follow your suggestions by writing as little as possible.

The one person who is most likely to want to go off piste is one of my closest friends but I'll deal with her separately.
Possibly in a locked room. With boxing gloves

When I got married we had pate as the starter. I had three pregnant women who were coming. None of them wanted pate but didn't think pregnancy was a dietary requirement in itself. I didn't like the idea of us paying for food that wasn't going to be eaten so I offered them the option of a vegetarian starter. They all took me up on this.

I think it's polite to try to accommodate your guests.

The one person who is most likely to want to go off piste is one of my closest friends but I'll deal with her separately.
Possibly in a locked room. With boxing gloves

sell tickets?

We chose the meals then offered guests meat (lamb) or veg and to let us know if there were any other dietary requirements

i used to be vegetarian and my aunt ordered me a vegge meal for her daughter's wedding by accident she was so stressed she freaked out and said she will just have to pretend to be vegetarian then! i honestly laughed my arse off (and ate the food without complaint)

I had 90 odd people for the meal at my wedding. We chose the food. Didn't tell people what it was (I don't think we'd even picked it by then). Asked for dietary requirements. Got allergies/coeliac/vegetarian requests back. Nothing strange apart from the person who forgot to tell me they had a severe nut allergy - luckily I remembered! I think you're overthinking this.

I'm just waiting for the AIBU in six or eight months time:
'When I RSVPed to Planning's wedding, I said in the allergies box that I really HATE mushrooms. And guess what? She served beef Wellington with mushrooms at the reception!!! AIBU to feel that she has deliberately slighted me? Should I ask for the present back and flounce?'

But seriously, just make sure that the genuinely vegan/coeliac/etc can let you know, and ignore the fussy buggers.

Again I'd put something like "please make us aware of any dietary requirements" on the invitations. Hopefully people won't be awkward.
This is why I'm so glad we chose a buffet instead

I think we might actually have a vege starter for the carnivores and a different vege starter for the Vegetarians as this gives me a bit of extra flexibilty without actually changing the menu.

Re gluten free, apparently they try to base the GF option on one of the set options, for example Set Menu 1 starter is a Blah and doodah tarte, the GF option is a blah and doodah salad

Dietary restrictions should suffice.

People will eat or not eat what they will. I agree that food is an important part though.

LumelaMme We have tried to avoid the flounce option by saying Absolutely No Presents Thank you! (or should that be please...?)

She is accommodating her guests, there's veggie, vegan, gluten free options. She is not running a restaurant.

I agree with the others. We just put 'any dietary requirements' on the invitations, and had a vegetarian option. Any children automatically got the children's meal. No problems at all.

With 110 people I'd keep it simple as possible.
I was lucky, we only had 20 so I was able to say 'please choose from A B or C starters, D E or F main course, G or H dessert. And let me know of any allergies...
And just made all the options as 'crowd friendly' as possible.
Could you do that? 'Please let me know if you'd like the Beef, or the Vegetarian Lasagna' that way if someone hates beef they can choose...?

Yanbu

I don't like mushrooms but it's not a dietary requirement. I will eat the non mushroom part of the meal and leave the rest. Wouldn't even occur to me to tell anyone.

Your issues are the "no it's not medically diagnosed but I do get slightly bloated from x so can't possibly have anything that's been within 6 feet of it.... oh but that looks yummy I'll have that (smothered in x thing)." That make you want to bang your head against s wall

Anything like "I dont like chicken" can be ignored. Anything like "I will die if I eat chicken due to allergies" cannot.

Simple!

At our wedding we had vegans, veggies, a coeliac and someone who was allergic to chlorophyll so couldnt eat anything green, work out that menu if you want a challenge!

I'd give them the option of
Meat
Vegetarian
Children's

And a box for 'dietary requirements for ethical, religious, or medical grounds'. Hopefully that would weed out the 'I don't like mushrooms and I'll only eat chips fried in peanut oil' crowd. Unless you've got a fungus worshipper who won't eat their deity's fleshly mantle on Earth.

As an aside: why do restaurants think that all vegetarians want to eat spinach and feta cheese in various combinations?

I think I'll suggest that my friend brings her own sandwiches.
She's tricky one as she is a combination of fussy "but ohh that looks delicious" but also has real slightly unusual allergies / intolerances that have required medical intervention.

Jackelope or fucking Haloumi! I hate feta and haloumi, and goats cheese and spinach tarts.........

TheMysteriousJackelope
< draws line through spinach and feta tarte>

I agree, make it easy for yourself and just send out an RSVP with a box to tick for Veggie/Vegan/Child and a line for allergies.

The only thing I would say if if the kids menu is crap rather than a small version of an adults meal, then you might get complaints?

I was about to say: would parents really have the gall to complain about the kids food at a wedding? But then I thought, yep there are plenty of people dickish enough to do that.

OP I'd just completely ignore anyone who expressed preferences or fussiness about dislikes.

I agree with PP. Most weddings I've been to recently just have a note on the RSVP to say please let us know any specific dietary requirements. Don't put your actual menu in though or else you are opening up for all sorts of fussiness; e.g, 'oh I don't like salmon en-croute, so I can I have the gluten free main instead and the regular menu for starter.... Oh and my dessert with coulis on the side' type crap.