AIBU to be a menu Bridezilla?

[ThePlanningOhGodThePlanning]

Advice please.
Wedding reception for about 110 people.
Venue have asked us to choose the following
A main set 3 course meal (which include meat or fish)
A set vegetarian alternative
A set children's alternative (there are about 8 children under 10 being invited)

They will also accommodate other essential requirements like gluten free / vegan.
We need to know what people want in advance.
We want to ensure that people's ethical or medical food requirements are met, but we don't half the guests going "off piste" cos they're "not keen" on something. Leave it to the side then!

We plan to put an insert in with the main invitation re food choices.

What we WANT to write is....
Listen up people!
There is a set menu for the carnivores. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the vegetarians. Please stick to it.
There is a set menu for the children, if little Jimmy doesn't like chicken and chips, there is a Macdonald's by the roundabout at the M69 junction.
Please don't ask me to mess with the menu for over a hundred people cos you've decided to go Low Carb for this one week, but you will be living on bread and pizza until then.
But if you genuinely have Coeliac disease, of course I will order a gluten free menu for you because the last thing I want to do is wipe out your intestinal Villi for the next six months

Obviously, I won't write that. But I need to get that across in a much more polite and socially acceptable way.

It's a second wedding so I am of the generation where you ate what you were given and left anything you didn't like on the side of the plate.

Any suggestions for wordings that you have used that have helped you avoid Menu Option Hell

Many thanks from a Bridezilla in waiting

I'd say something like "If you have any allergies or special dietary requirements please let me know by [insert date]"

That should get the message across.

I served half portions of the adult meal for the kids, most of the children I know dont want the "with chips" options that you get on kids meals. It does piss me off when restaurants only offer "crap with chips", kids have far wider palates than we did 30 ++ years ago!

Dont get me wrong, my lot would eat it if given it and be grateful but they would prefer the adult option 99 times out of 100.

Let staff know who is having special meals (like veggie etc) then they'll dish them out to the right people. At our wedding they made extra veggie meals as that often happens and waiting staff dealt with special requests subtly and speedily. Unless you're cooking or serving it won't affect you on the day. Anyone who would take the piss will ignore your note anyway. I never understand why people insist on giving my kids crap food (chips etc) when they're happy to eat most things (8yo and 2 5yos). My bil suggested this but their main was roast beef which is a real favourite for my dc so they just had that. Different dessert as adult one was alcoholic.

Guests don't order a specific meal in response to a wedding invitation- you're worrying about a situation which just doesn't happen. If for some reason it does... Tough- it's meat or veggie and allergies catered for. Just do what everyone else does...

Yeah just a line for "dietary requirements". If they say "I don't like chicken", ignore them. If they say "no gluten", "vegetarian", "vegan" etc, you can give them the GF/veggie/vegan meal.

Getting into "you can have GF only if you're coeliac" opens up a whole new can of worms. If people ask for GF, just go along with it.

We had a fun one with ours. No peanuts anywhere near any of the food preparation and no peanuts anywhere in the vicinity - only for her to not even show up such is the way with weddings.

I second making sure there's evening food provision for coeliacs, we had three at our wedding (myself included!)

I sent menu's out with my invites, we had 120 ish people.

We only gave a choice of main, the choices were Lamb roast dinner, Fish or Veg for adults and a either a children's portion of roast or chicken goujons (aka posh chicken nuggets) for the children.

Any food issues catered for obvs. We had a genuine nut allergy (changed desert option when remembered), a Vegan and gluten free, they all got back to us really quickly but the rest of the guests were a nightmare in getting back to us.

I would limit choices as much as possible and be prepared to hit the phone/email/preferred contact option to chase every one up.

Also make sure that you have a list of what everyone selected handy for the waiting team as someone will deny what they ordered when they see another dish or genuinely forget.

All I put was a little card in the invite that said 'carnivoire' and a tick box 'vegetarian' followed by tick box. I think I had a sentence that said something about letting us know if there were any allergies or dietary requirements We had posh bangers and mash so it was very simple. On the day of the wedding I left a menu on the table. Only dhs cousin got back to us requesting no gravy. I wouldn't go into any more detail than that.

Surely you or your husband know these people so already know their dietary requirements? I low carb, not to be faddy but on the advice of the diabetic consultant, but I always say that the meat and veg is fine and I can just leave the potatoes. It's only a problem when it is pasta!

Asking for dietary requirements will generate problems. I would put something like. If you need a vegetarian meal let me know by dd/mm/2017.
If someone is a PITA or genuinely is allergic to something they'll let you know.

I went to a wedding once and had the vegetarian meal. I was nearing the bottom of my soup bowl and there was a piece of meat in it.

I never assume I will be eating the meal at weddings or other set course dinners. If it is something I would eat, that is a bonus. Unless I am in a very tight dress and can only consume alcohol, in which case it's irrelevant.

Just do dietary reqs like everyone says.

I just hope someone demands oysters so you can use Niles' line from Frasier and refuse to cater to their shellfish demands!

Mistle a friend of ours sent out menus for choices with her invites and it was a nightmare, she thought she was being a better host but wished she had just said "Its chicken, take it or leave it!"

She was chasing up prefences in the weeks running up to the wedding, had people ringing a couple of days before having changed their minds and then loads of people trying to change on the day when the staff brought their food, as they thought that other peoples choices looked nicer. And YY to denying having ordered the salmon and demanding the chicken.......

She is getting married again soon and is having a hot buffet in the hopes it will prevent the same argy bargy.

I wouldn't ask for any dietary info. People who are coeliac or whatever will tell you or tell the venue. Don't go looking for additional trouble

Only at one wedding I was at did we get a huge choice of menu ( sent out with invites). At weddings I just eat what I am given. If there is something I dont like, I just leave it ( mushrooms).
I actually boak at the sight and smell of fish. However, I just wouldnt eat it rather than create a fuss. Havent been to a wedding yet that ever served it as a mains...although a few have served it as a starter. Just left it

We asked anyone to let us know of special dietary requirements after telling them that it would be nut- and dairy-free. We got about three veggies. Everyone else got chicken or went hungry.

I would just say 'please notify dietary requirements by a month/six weeks before the wedding.

I run a couple of large events a year (50-100 diners) and remarkably few people ask for anything other than the main offering. I'd say about five people, max, which means the mushroom haters can be accommodated.

I have some bad intolerances (D&V for a couple of days) and have a colleague with a severe allergy to a common ingredient and we nearly died laughing when a guest asked what the low carb menu was, without having noticed any dietary requirements at all. People who are low-carbing don't need a special menu - they just leave the potatoes/rice uneaten! We said this to him, politely.

The options are standard, vegetarian, vegan , gluten free or bring your own. Don't like something? Don't eat it.

Please also provide non alcoholic and non fizzy drinks , that is often what is a challenge at a wedding. Even water without having to grovel would be good.

I wouldn't write 'dietary requirements' because people take that to mean 'I don't like sauce/mushrooms/etc'. Just 'Veggie, vegan and GF available upon request.'

I have no advice, but I only hope you haven't invited my parents. They got a family wedding invite recently and they phoned the venue to talk about their specific meals. About 150 were invited but they didn't think they were BU in the slightest. Good luck OP

I went to a wedding that had 7 (yeah 7) options for mains but not one vegetarian/vegan. I wasn't picky it just couldn't have meat or dairy.

When I said to bride I didn't eat meat and couldn't have dairy she was fine with it, but wouldn't tell me what it was (probably out of fear I would reject it due to not liking it) - I had to ring up the venue to check if it would contain dairy.

I was a bit worried that there would be something in the meal that wasn't obvious (it was a risotto in the end which sometimes contains cheese and sometimes doesn't) and I would spend the rest of the night in the hotel toilets.

We didn't tell people the menu and asked them to let us know about 'dietary requirements'. We only had genuine ones - veggie, vegan, gluten free, religious restrictions, and allergies. Nothing faddy or 'preferences'.

Our main meal given by default was pork but there was a chicken alternative as well as veggie food and we checked with our guests who would not eat pork for religious reasons whether they would prefer the chicken or veggie option.

For children (there were about 12, all under 5), we asked the parents whether they'd prefer a small portion of the main meal (we told them what it was) or fishfingers, chips and peas which were the options from the menu. One child had some serious food issues and her parents said they would bring a packed lunch for her.

We never had any queries about the meal either before or after. and that was with 120 guests. I read so many awful wedding stories and I just feel I must live in a parallel universe or have really boring friends and family!

I would only say that pate or any other food on the NHS 'don't eat when you're pregnant' list is probably not the best idea if you are doing a 'blind' menu and are at that age when lots of people are having kids. I've had that at a wedding in early pregnancy and it was a little awkward and probably blatantly obvious why i wasn't eating it. But it was my problem really and it is up to the bride and groom what they have of course!!

We asked for dietary requirements on the RSVP cards and about 50% of people ignored it, 10% put veggie or vegan, 10% put bloody fussy nonsense in that we completely ignored (easier when you have a buffet, of course, but don't cater to it, just have what you want), and 10% left a silly comment that made me grin and made the wedding planning a bit easier.

One poor friend turned out to be on the most horrendously complicated FODMAP diet to control a condition, and a relative has similarly awful restrictions, and for those two I asked for an email of exactly what they could and couldn't have and which were life threatening and which were intolerances. They both ended up with marvellous looking salad things.

Oh and we had to ask for the fish to be put at the end of the line to avoid dropping because someone has a pretty serious allergy - I did offer just to have something else entirely but the person was happy with that.

@PavoReal several times organisers/friends have asked me to contact the venue directly as they know I have problems. I always start off a bit embarrassed but find they are usually great when I ring. It's not a totally mad thing to do.

@specialsubject YY re still water, preferably constant streams of jugs of tap. I do drink alcohol but am always astounded by how easy it is to get wine at a big event and how hard it is to get enough water.

Thank you everyone.
This has really been very useful.

Thank you to whoever suggested the idea of half portions of adult meal as an option for children. The children are all nephews and nieces so I know their parents well enough to discuss their requirements individually .
Aslo their parents have all had their own weddings recently enough to remember what a pain Guestzillas can be.

All names and meal options will be written into an Excel spreadsheet !

The last conference I went to had two options - one meat and the other vegan and gluten free. The vegan + GF option was delicious.

You're anticipating an issue that doesn't exist. People are very used to just getting what they're given at weddings.