AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

[Onthedowns]

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

I have said a few times it's not the issue of them being friends and me not being their 'friend'!!

The only thing stressing me is this thread! Lol !

I´m probably hated by some random people for being rude. Because I have a limited need for social contact so stick to a small group of people and at the end of a day I just want to go home, not exchange social pleasantries. Also, I have a tendency to zone out when I´m thinking about something. It´s nothing to do with them, it´s all about who I am.

And I´m not going to change because someone else decides I have to talk to a wider range of people or I have to acknowledge them. I find that utterly exhausting when I am tired.

I don´t think I am that unusual in being this way. I won´t think about it OP. I doubt is have anything at all to do with you. People are different and react in different ways for reasons that only they know. Give them the benefit of the doubt rather than judging their behaviour for not being the way you yourself would behave. Then put them completely out of your mind and chat to the other parents. When you come across these mothers in later social settings, jut be polite - like you would be to any stranger.

well maybe I find your comments just a infuriating as you find mine.

I ignore the twats or am very very very friendly to them. I stand with them. Chat to them.

But the ones we had - a lovely group of 4 harridans, were such utter cunts I ignored them or looked contemptuously. Strangely two of their kids were lovely. The other two utter bullies and liars.

Touché navy

I found this earlier, and it reminded me of this thread. There is so much stereotyping of women in settings like schools.

www.nytimes.com/2016/06/23/opinion/sunday/sheryl-sandberg-on-the-myth-of-the-catty-woman.html

This amazed me, because in all other circles I had been able to just chat to whoever was in the areas, when collecting from nursery or at play sessions etc. I however was royally dumped by someone who I thought was becoming a friend rather than a fellow mum to chat to. Our two were and still would be inseparable but once we moved up to school things changed. Our DC were in the same class and met as usual at the gate, then another couple of mums started to chat woith us and we became a group of four, but it became quickly clear that one of our group did not want me in it. She would blank me all the time, refused to make eye contact and ignored any conversation I started then changed the subject.
It came to a head when I overheard that the three of them had set up a WhatsApp group, I walked away. I'm 37 not 7. What annoyed me was the person I originally thought of as a friend told me all I needed to know, when I asked her about her swimming lessons (She's part of a chain of providers) but she became frosty and explained that I would be better looking at the local pool as her companies lessons were quite dear.
I shopped at Asda and not Sainsburys or Next, I was a single Mum and therefore not part of this new clique. Bitch.

These cliques make me laugh we are all adults ffs, the school had fun this year tho when the parents group was taken over by a clique that made anyone else that might want to join feel unwanted. The whole lot quit leaving the school without a parents group. Hah!

Darling just walk away from any of this shit. Don't go there.

If you're approaching the alleged "clique" in the same way as you're approaching Navy then you're showing you're true colours and they're not pretty.

Op you sound far too emotionally invested in all of this.

My dd's school has the same, except the clique is made of mum's from a particular country. I have reached out to them by inviting them to dd's birthdays, but as they didn't even bother RSVP'ing for the second year in a row I'm just going to move on now. It's not worth stressing over!

And the only one bringing up the same thing over and over is the op

Yes magsmarsh I am bringing up the same thing again I am answering posts directed at me! Like i have said I haven't approached them aoarty from to say thank you for letting me past and smiling , I am not emotionally involved just have to repeat myself on the thread and defend my point of view

I'm sorry, but if the mum doesn't know you or your DC, it is not her responsibility to talk to her when she's walking home. Yes, it would have been nice, but if she's content in her own little world, she doesn't need to go out of her way to include everyone she sees in it. It is also not her responsibility to make you feel acknowledged. People have their own things going on. Sorry if you don't like being ignored, but there's nothing you can do about it if someone wants to ignore you.
That being said, the party would be a great opportunity for you to engage in conversation with them, as you probably would with all of the parents there.

She does know who we are, I would certainly acknowledge a 4 year old running and shouting for my DD nothing to do with responsibility or talking to her. Like previously said all things taken on board

What I mean is you obviously feel a wider sense of community and that you should respond to a 4-year-old. That is itself a sense of responsibility in that you would feel obliged to do it. You feel it is the right thing to do and the 4-year-old shouldn't be ignored. I also feel it is the right thing to do and hope I would respond to any child who is trying to talk to me and hope my child would do the same. But that is my choice and how I choose to treat others. The lady in question chooses to behave differently. Because that behaviour is so natural to you, I understand why it seems strange that someone else doesn't react in the same way, but you need to understand that not everyone is the same. She has her friends and she is happy living in her own bubble. And why not? Our lives are our own and we should be able to live them how we choose (within reason). Don't take it personally. They are ignoring (whether intentionally or not) everyone else, not just you.
This behaviour is upsetting to you, so try to not respond by acting in the same way. Keep your head held high knowing that you are a friendly welcoming person who values other people.
If you decide to be cold towards them, I think you would come off worse because you are intentionally going out of your way to deliberately act badly, whereas they are just going about their business.
Do they have older children? Is this your oldest child? I'd imagine acknowledging everyone everyday gets quite tedious after a while.

I don't bother with those women. It's not like I want to be in "their gang" anyway coz they're a bunch of dicks! Don't take it out on the kids, but just let their rudeness wash over you.

Sometimes people ignore others unwittingly. If I'm at a playgroup with my NCT group for example, we are so busy catching up (as we don't see each other that much) that I for one wouldn't notice someone, say, sitting in the corner on her own. To that person I'm sure we would look cliquey but it's certainly not intentional. And I'd never not say hello to someone. That's just rude. Do you really want to be friendly with someone like that anyway?

YANBU to ask. YABVU in the actual subject itself.

You're basically moaning that 3 people are friends and 'seemingly' don't want to engage other mums. So what?

Maybe they don't need more friends and don't have time for the extra niceties with all the other school runners.

Most obvious question for me though - why do you care?

If it's only 3 of them I wouldn't take it to heart. They may be old friends and a lot of people don't want to socialise.

People like this have often failed to mature past secondary school levels when they and their mates went into little cliques in the playground and thought they were massively superior to all the other oiks. I remember the equivalents when my DC were at school were absolutely lost when the kids reached secondary school age and they couldn't do it any more.