AIBU to ask how you deal with playground cliques!

[Onthedowns]

My DD just started reception last year was warned about certain playground mums but ignored it however! There are three mums with younger children who seem to be glued together all the time before school, after school, parties they don't speak to anyone esle or make the effort. One if them I find particularly rude I have stood aside for her to pass and she hasn't acknowledged me just looked straight past me, they never smile say hello or intergrate. She ignored my DD chasing after and calling her son on the way home once too, if I hear someone calling my DD I make sure she at least acknowledges Them, considering my DD was running right beside her she couldn't miss her! I don't speak to every mum either but make an effort to smile and say hello to the ones I see regularly. I know not everyone will get on etc but considering our children are in the same class for the next however many years I find it strange you don't acknowledge people you see every day! It's my dds bday soon and I will be inviting whole class but these mums I don't feel I want too - but of course I will as it's not their children. so how you experienced mumsnetters battle through the minefield of playground politics!

I think you are taking 'ignore them' too literally. You are taking it to mean 'be an ignorant bitch' whereas I think it is meant more in the spirt of 'don't let it affect you and get on with your day'. I am prepared to be corrected.

That's how I meant it - just don't let it bother you. Ignore them. It's nothing.

Not to literally refuse to speak to or look at them when they drop off and pick up from the birthday party.
Now that would be weird.

It's so frustrating how many people don't get what you're saying, and are taking this to mean that you want to be included in their friendship group. That's a far cry from just expecting a basic level of politeness. I have experienced this with some mums, I certainly didn't want to be their friend, but equally I did know them and felt incredibly rude not acknowledging them when I saw them. However, having been blanked so many times, I started to do the same back. They then all of a sudden became offended by this and accused me of exactly what they had been doing! I can't stand people like this! I'd just keep well clear if I were you OP.

I just find it a strange part of human nature that your children go through school for years together in the same class yet some parents don't acknowledge each other?

OP some might say it is strange but life is strange, and there are no set rules or ways of doing anything other than what we find in front of us so the best thing to do is get on with your own life and not worry about other people, who probably have very different priorities to you, otherwise you might end up feeling awkward every time you have to go into the playground

Thanks hatsbagsandshoes that's it's exactly it, they have blanked me as explained not explaining again and also my DD. Not just ignoring me that's a different. As explained majority of mums just smile acknowledge you say hi in passing . I can't keep going over the same point it's blatant lack of manners

Onthedowns, it IS a lack of manners. It really is. I always keep it bright and breezy at pick up. As someone said above to the ones I first felt were rude I made a point of smiling, saying hello and then walk off. Always always say hello with a warm smile. The rude clique are actually pretty friendly these days but I keep my distance. Bright and breezy but warm and friendly.

As above - it is rude and ignorant (not being in your own group of friends, but looking into space when someone is talking to you), but you have to not let it get to you. As one pp said:
put it down to their own shyness or self worth. There's a lot of people out there with weird issues about interacting socially with people they don't know.
Not sure I'd necessarily equate it with shyness or self worth, but people do have weird ideas (to me) about what is and isn't normal and acceptable.
It's not just in the playground, either, but you notice it more because you see the pattern repeating twice a day for weeks, then months, years . . . And you felt the slight for your dd.

You won't change them so just don't let them bother you. And don't let your dd feel bad about what happened (I'm sure you didn't).

Sorry I created a link instead of bolding Don't bother clicking!

I didn't think she wanted to be included in their group or make friends with them either. I think she's offended that they wouldn't even give her a nod or smile of recognition.

What I'm saying is that you get these types in the playground and while yes, they are social muppets, no they don't owe you any niceties and it's not something you need to give a shit about.

There is a very similar lot at my kids' school just now. Closed off and totally lacking in basic manners, considering it's a small school and most people are pleasant and friendly. There they are with their scowly faces and determination not to give an inch.
What the fuck do I care about it? Zero!

It doesn't matter what you say, do, don't say, how you behave or misbehave. They are feeling superior by sticking together and including others. If they are mothers of daughters beware their daughters will be even worse behaved. Grin and 🐻 it and try not to give them headspace. We couldn't wait until the end of year 6 (me or our DC's). Secondary school is better as you don't get involved play group politics but what some gaggles of girls do and say in Year 6 and 7 is unbelievable. And in my experience many of the bitchier little so and so's are often the off spring of a young trendy equally bitchy ignorant exclusive yummy mummies. God help our DC's.

Navy you are determined to twist this round to me when other people have stated similar situations . Nothing to do with being comfortable with friends, I am comfortable with my friends doesn't mean I wouldn't acknowledge other people even whilst I have been chatting to another mum I have managed to smile st another I know

For the love of god op let it go

For the love of god I have let it go ! Why is it ok for someone esle to bring up the same issue again and I can't comment on it?

Sticking up for myself isn't allowed then? Honestly

Op. I know a few mother's in my son's class but some I'd not even recognise in the street. When I see women chatting I'm not threatened, nor do I find them rude for not including me. Yes it was a bit shitty to ignore a 4 year old, I wouldn't do that and I'd encourage my child to be friendly back. But some parents can be baffling. People are just strange at times. But try not to take it personally. Schools are full of parents plodding along, parent clicks school aren't real. Anybody that believes they are is stuck in the childhood mindset of been pushed out etc and is reliving old feelings of rejection from school. I mean these are parents that have become friends. They shouldn't have to feel bad because other parents have insecurities.

I'm in a clique. I have some genuine friends among the school mums who I enjoy a chat with while I wait for my DC to come out of school. We see each other at other times too - coffee, nights out etc. We are good friends. I have children in 4 different classes so find it a bit unreasonable that if I don't spend my time smiling and nodding to the 100+ parents of my DC's classmates, I'm considered rude. I certainly don't feel superior to the other parents, I don't have any feelings either way about most of them.

'Navy' I think their is a lot of bitchy unnecessary cliqueyness among the mums in the school playground or their was at my DC's large primary school. Maybe you behave like this and don't acknowledge it. They behave like they feel very superior indeed sometimes working the playground speaking to some who they see as better than themselves or if their is something in it for them. I always smiled and or said hello or morning to all the mums as you'd see most of them on a daily basis when my DC's first started school. Some never reciprocated mainly the rude bitchy cliquey mums. Once or twice maybe ok they might have been distracted but for goodness the rudeness and snobbery and inverted snobbery it was unbelievable. I had a cancer scare and had big op and couldn't pick DC's up for 6 weeks when DS in year 4 and DD in year 3. When I went back nobody had noticed I wasn't there and only two or three at most asked if I was ok.

I meant sticking up for myself with you Navy you really are just digging your heels in- someone jumps in when I was answering a post too. I have acknowledge I havent written well, as well as other things. I have taken posts on board not just the ones similar but other ones too . I have read the thread thoroughly for replies but you keep twisting it back . I completely accept others have put it more succinctly than I have.

OP, isolate all Navy and White's posts and try to read them objectively.
She speaks absolute sense and does understand your situation but has tried very hard, and I think, patiently, to help you see why you are wasting your time and energy stressing about this issue.
If these women are, for whatever reason, ignoring you, return the favour and consider it to be their loss.