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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to feel a little annoyed this woman googled my husband?

180 replies

farmerswifey33 · 11/01/2017 20:34

My husband is handsome. I often look at him and wonder what he's doing with a plain Jane like me 🙄 Our whole relationship I've had to deal with other women openly flirting with him.
He never flirts back, he's incredibly awkward around people (men included tbh) he'd much rather be in his tractor or with his herd of cattle 😆 We have a very loving relationship and I trust him 100%
Anyway, we've been happily married 12yrs and have a lovely life with 2 primary aged children. He is very rarely in the playground, I'm a sahm so do all the school stuff. A few of my mummy friends have commented that I have a very handsome husband but I laugh it off and tell them they wouldn't put up with his obsession with all things farming and never being able to go on nice holidays because he won't leave his animals etc.
However, the other day a school mum friend stopped me in the playground and told me she had seen my husband in his tractor and they had waved at him. Then, she said something very odd. Whilst giggling she said she had gone home and googled him then proceeded to tell me what articles he's been in and she found a picture of him in the local paper from 2006. I honestly didn't know what to say. Why the hell is she googling my husband?? Is this normal? I'm guessing it might be but why tell me?
I now feel a bit sick about it. I told dh and he said she was a weirdo!
AIBU to feel a little uneasy? Thinking of keeping my distance with her 😕

OP posts:
MrsBlennerhassett · 12/01/2017 20:07

im well nosey and i look at peoples fb all the time to see what they are about. I think people have different googling standards lol some see it as normal and some see it as weird. For this women its obv normal because she even told you about it with no shame which i think indicates that not only does she assume its normal but also that its just nosiness and not out of lusting after your husband. I really think you should just worry no more about this!!

mammamic · 12/01/2017 20:12

googling people - I thought everyone did that these days. I often google people. New job offer - google the manager and the team, work colleagues, friends, family, family of friends etc. It's just another tool to get a view of who you're interacting with etc.

Also, there's an assumption that the playground mum googled him because she was attracted to him - surely that's just OP's opinion - doesn't make it a reality.

I've told people I've googled them/their other half/whoever and had people tell me also - not understanding why it's so weird/crazy/stalker etc.

Now if she'd said - your OH is lush and I'm attracted to him so googled him and this is what I found, then yes - crazy lady, steer clear.

TBH if there was playground talk that 'FarmersWife's husband is a bit of a looker' - I'd probably google him too...

happybee1 · 12/01/2017 20:15

I think perhaps she fancied him so googled him and then felt guilty about it. She then told you op to try and make herself feel ok about what she'd done, as if it was normal or ok as she'd told you about it.

PollytheDolly · 12/01/2017 20:17

My DH2b is gorgeous! But he doesn't think so, at all, which makes him even more sexy Grin

Sorry....off on a tangent there....

If some woman said she had googled him I'd be flattered. After all, he is mine and yours is yours Wink

WildRoses · 12/01/2017 21:29

Farmerswife, have you got any pet rabbits? If so, hide them! Hmm

Pinkponiesrock · 12/01/2017 21:38

Nowt hotter than a tractor driving farmer husband Wink
Except when they come into the house stinking and covered in cow shit, and when you never get a holiday or a full weekend off or even get to see the aforementioned DH for more than half an hour at a time without scheduling an appointment!

Passenger42 · 12/01/2017 23:25

I read this thread and wondered if she was playing some reverse psychology on you. If someone is having an affair they can't help giving a few clues to the wife when they see them. I don't think I would have mentioned this to the husband, he will be secretly flattered and might even pay her a bit more attention now.

Trust your instincts they are usually correct.

RedNoseRumble · 12/01/2017 23:38

Earl, I saw a Christmas advert with Brock playing the role of Santa and I've started to follow (stalk) him on Instagram Grin

He's seriously HOT!

Cantthinkofabloodyusername · 13/01/2017 07:35

I love Brock a little bit!

TheNaze73 · 13/01/2017 07:37

She sounds unhinged

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 13/01/2017 08:52

Sounds like she's trying to unsettle you and she fancies your husband. You need to turn this round and get the upper hand. Eg gossip to a few people about her doing it to ensure it gets back to her. How stalkerish and bunny boiler her behaviour is. She'll soon sink into the background and give you a wide berth Wink

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 13/01/2017 08:57

And to those people saying you google people. Yes that is normal. Although personally I don't google people in real life, more actors to find out more about them. Maybe I'm not nosey enough. Anyway despite that it is definitely not normal to google someone's husband then to tell the wife in an obviously inappropriate way. I hope the woman was mortified after thinking about it, but belt and braces approach don't assume she's that innocent... so would recommend the above approach to be on the safe side.

ineedmorelemonpledge · 13/01/2017 09:01

I don't think you need to plan any strategy now, gossip or spread rumours about her.

You spoke to your DH about it, how strange it was and how unsettling a thing to speak to you about.

You trust your DH, he loves you and you have a secure relationship, and that's the most important thing.

Hopefully she now feels completely stupid about sharing her thoughts and actions.

But, If she brings it up again to you, have a retort ready..."I'm sorry, can I stop you there, I think it's really strange that you are googling another woman's husband and sharing that information. Why are you telling me this, and what do you hope to achieve from this conversation?"

And wait for her to splutter an answer.

RedHelenB · 13/01/2017 09:10

You a SAHM him a busy farmer - not much opportunity for her to have an affair with him no matter how handsome he is! And imo a lot of affairs happen due to opportunities

brianna5 · 13/01/2017 11:13

Errr googling celebrities is googling someone as they are people too! And most of them are married men 😏

I wouldn't think anything of it. Think she meant to compliment u and it came out all wrong! If she meant otherwise wouldn't have mentioned the googling I believe.

Think my hubby is a hunk too and wouldn't mind if they googled him or mentioned it but flirting wit him will annoy me.

Just let it end were d convo ended. N no need to to feel wierd around her as she might have been trying to impress u. Just b more alert around her.

brianna5 · 13/01/2017 11:16

Haven't we all said things we shouldn't have. Maybe I'm just too forgiving

SirChenjin · 13/01/2017 11:28

brianna - I couldn't agree more. It sounds like just one of those times where you speak before you've engaged your brain - doesn't mean she's a weird stalker/unhinged/out to get your man/etc.

shovetheholly · 13/01/2017 11:30

Honestly, you lot are paranoid! Telling someone you Googled their husband might be a bit strange, but let's remember she told this to this wife - which doesn't suggest she's trying to do anything underhand. It's more than likely just one of those awkward overshares!

Dinnerout1 · 13/01/2017 12:03

Brianna5 you sound very guilty on this subject that you think it's ok for a woman to google another woman's husband. Are you this woman's friend or are you the woman we are talking about! You seem to want everyone to forget this conversation and forget it even happened.

Lesley1980 · 13/01/2017 12:10

I google people. I only know so much about my neighbours because I google them. I do it because I'm a bit weird, super nosey & nothing better to do. However I'd be mortified if anyone found out & certainly wouldn't tell anyone. I think googling your husband was normal but telling you was weird.

SirChenjin · 13/01/2017 12:37

Brianna5 - you don't sound guilty at all. Of course it's OK for a woman to google another person's husband - dear god, people are not possessions, and I'm sure that she's not about to try and lure him away from his cattle with her feminine wiles (remember - it takes 2 to tango).

shove - I quite agree.

ineedmorelemonpledge · 13/01/2017 13:41

Telling someone you Googled their husband might be a bit strange, but let's remember she told this to this wife - which doesn't suggest she's trying to do anything

In a normal rational world yes. You'd think.

But I've read some very strange experiences on here and witnessed a few. So I think posters speak their view depending on how they've experienced relationship situations.

For example my old NDN who went to an army dinner with her DH and starting talking in confidence to one of his female colleagues in the bar after the dinner, who confessed she was in pieces because she was pregnant to a married guy in the regiment, and didn't think he'd leave his wife, and she was debating getting an abortion etc etc .

NDN offering friendly advice and support, begging her not to terminate the pregnancy etc.

Guess who the father was?

Yep. Her DH.

Some people really hide things in plain sight.

Some people treat it like a cat and mouse game.

Some like an open challenge and seem to enjoy others discomfort.

stumblymonkey · 13/01/2017 13:47

A better looking version of Steve Jones?!?

I didn't think such a thing was possible....he's been my crush since his T4 days.

Where did you say you lived OP?

Gspain · 13/01/2017 13:51

As they say keep your friends close and your enemies closer. She seems like a proper nut job. One of the "psychos bitch*@s*" my oh jokes about

SirChenjin · 13/01/2017 13:52

Some people really hide things in plain sight

You mean the cheating NDN's husband who did that to his wife? There's really no evidence to suggest that Hunky Farmer (although I have no idea who Steve Jones is) is about to run off with this woman - but if he did, then the fault would be with him. I suspect it's far more likely than she just overshared and didn't engage her brain first.