To think SAHM's have an easier life?

[workingmummy123]

I understand this won't please everyone but I'm referring to SAHMs with school age children. I read lots of articles - one today on Facebook - which talk about how SAHMs "work" at home doing a hundred domestic chores. However I work full time and still have to do the exact same number of domestic chores - I just have less time to do them. Am I missing something??

I've done both. It was brill being a SAHM (1 DD) I regularly went to the gym and hung out with friends (coffee, lunch, after school play dates) took classes, entertained more. I read the paper every day over a leisurely breakfast after the school run. I had a cleaner and a life that looked perfect. But my husband was an alcoholic womaniser and I was emotionally destroyed - I also missed having an identity beyond being someone's wife and mother. Fast forward and I divorced and reestablished my career. I was utterly exhausted as a poor single mother but at peace. I now have a wonderful partner and successful career. The point is not how easy or hard your life is its whether it works for you. I've had the easy life and I wouldn't wish it on anyone

Another thing to consider is the cost of childcare
I work part time - 3 hours a day, I actuall earn £50 MORE than if I worked full time, due to the cost of wraparound care for 3 primary age kids.
I am lucky in that I get the perks of being a SAHM (going to the gym/shops, helping out at school, no rush to do school run in the morning, can pick up from school and kids can do clubs/play dates etc) but don't get tarred with the lazy SAHM brush because I do work!!!!

Never really understand people who say they would be bored without a job. They must seriously lack imagination if they cannot find something interesting to do without being told by an employer what to do all day.
It also assumes that everyone has interesting careers rather than a standard job which they do in order to pay the bills.

From my pov, the preschool sah years were quite labour intensive, the school years are my reward

Seriously though, people should do what they like/what they need to do and ideally stop being goady judgemental arses about other people's choices which are none of their business and don't affect them in any way!

You don't know what's going on in someone else's life. Maybe they work from home but you don't realise. Or they could have a controlling partner who doesn't want them to work, or physical or mental health problems which they don't wish to tell you about. Perhaps they spend time volunteering for local daytime activities, looking after an older relative who lives locally.

SAHPs (of either sex) are usually less likely to have a childminder or send their child to after-school club until they get home from work, and will probably be busy looking after their family straight away when school ends.

For some lower-earning SAHPs it's not financially worth it to go back to work. So instead of paying a cleaner/handyman/decorator/car-wash attendant/gardener/takeaway etc. they do these chores themselves, whereas some people with well-paid jobs might choose not to spend time on some of these things.

Life is different for every one of us.

Because this hasn't been done before

Enormous tiger, I don't work, I DO however have an equal marriage. 20 years and counting.....I suppose I'm 'lucky' because my H thinks I do the most fantastic job in the world, he considers it very important, he doesn't wish I was in paid employment. I would not stay married to a man that didn't think my contribution in the home was of equal value to his out of the home.....luckily my husband is not a twat......

I've been both. Sahm to 2 primary school dcs and full time city corporate mum in a prominent role earning more than £90k a year. My time as Sahm was very relaxing for my mental health. Stress free without the constant pressure of being the only breadwinner. I had more time to organise myself and take a nap. I had no outsourced help and I really enjoyed myself at home. Having gone back to work in the corporate sector I feel far more pressure, to perform to be held accountable for and the work now is intellectually demanding. I have far less headspace to relax than when I was a Sahm.

Woman bashing, parent bashing, nothing ever changes on MN.

Not read all of the thread however
However I work full time and still have to do the exact same number of domestic chores - I just have less time to do them

No you don't have the exact same number of domestic chores. Trust me on that one. For starters if you work full time then there are fewer hours where there are people in the house creating further chores.

I have been a SAHM and I now work full time. I was busy both ways Chores got done both ways However I have fewer chores now than I did when I was at home and still had children in Primary school.

These days our house is empty from 7 30 am until 4 pm most week days 2 1/2 days until 5 30 pm. (the 1/2 as one DD has a bi weekly thing so one week she is home at 3 30 the next not until 5 30) When I still had children in primary school it was empty from 8.45 to 3.30 each week day

Now with me working full time we have about 8 1/2 to 10 hours of unoccupied house.
Before when I was a SAHM w primary age children we had 6 hours 45 mins of unoccupied house..

Primary school children (and younger) make more mess than a older teenager does. teenagers help more than primary aged children do (or at least mine do)

Less washing to do as well as they get older.

Fewer things to be spread all over the place as they get older

Fewer items from school to sort out as they get older

So no you do not do the exact same thing as a SAHM and a SAHM does not do the exact same thing as a working full time mother does.

They are doing 2 different things. Its good both ways if you are happy with the way your life is.

A couple of years ago I had weekly hydrotherapy appointments for DS1, along with twice daily physiology to do at home and occupational therapy exercises, then various consultant, physio and Occ therapy appointments. At the same time DS2 was having constant ear infections (burst eardrums in one or the other or both ears every couple of weeks which meant nights of screaming and no sleep for me or him, no way would an employer be happy with the amount of time I would have needed to be off (I did actually work evenings so technically not a SAHM) but my friend has a son with CF and needs a lots of medical appts etc and no way would she be able to work.
There are a million reasons why people work/don't work and you can't judge or guess who has an 'easy' life
I know plenty of people who both worked yet the husband(or wife) have run off with a younger model!! Being a SAHM doesn't automatically mean you are going to be cheated on or left , that's a load of bollocks, I imagine some marriages would collapse if a DH was expected to share housework and childcare duties because the wife also worked

I have to say I've been a full time, full on career woman, I've been a working mum and a sahm. Being a working mum was really hard going, sah is much better because you can really focus on the child, you don't have to feel you are giving half measures to both work and family. However I think full time work without kids was the easiest of all.

Never really understand people who say they would be bored without a job. They must seriously lack imagination if they cannot find something interesting to do without being told by an employer what to do all day!

Well said. I had a friend once ask me in front of all my others friends who were working at the time "don't you get bored all day" - this from a woman who worked in admin. No offence to administrators but it's hardly like going to work on an archaeological dig or something is it?

I have no horse in this race - I don't even have children - but why do people keep talking about how hard being at home with preschoolers is when the OP very clearly said 'school age children'?

But I attribute both roles of equal importance. However the working breadwinner parent has a special status on top of its equal importance ....

What's pernicious about the sort of comment that the OP is making is that there is an underlying implication that having an easier life than another woman is some sort of moral failing. (This only applies to women, men tend to be admired for having a lifestyle that suits them.) That's why women get defensive on both sides of the fence, because neither lifestyle is particularly joyous when you're living it, both SAHM and WOHM involves repetitive dreariness and boredom, and it's all made a lot less bearable by constant low level criticism and a sense that all women should be as martyred as the unhappiest woman or else they're just lazy and selfish.

So let me just say that my life is easier than just about everybody's. For a start I live in a developed country with good healthcare, reasonable women's rights, acceptable crime levels and a good education system. When I was a WOHM it was easier than most because I enjoyed my job and it was well-paid and flexible, and now that I'm a SAHM it's still easier than most. So what! I'm aware that I'm very lucky but I don't see why I should feel guilty. For comparison, I have reasonably good health and some of my friends have painful illnesses, I feel sympathy for them and if I can help them I do, but I don't feel guilt about my health, that's just how things worked out. I have plenty of issues in my life, but I definitely don't expect others to feel guilty that they have good things that have gone badly for me.

primary school children make more mess than a teenagager does

What the what? Do you actually have a teenager? My 17yo ds's room is the only room I refuse to clean as its so disgusting! Maybe yours is well trained!

You're completely right op but it's not the done thing to say it. Drives me mad the stoopid Facebook posts about being 'not just a mother' - cooking kids 3 meals a day/ laundry/ battles over teeth and getting dressed/bed time routine and getting up with the kids in the night. Working parents do all of this too!

I've done both and although I'm now part time in a bid to 'have it all' staying at home would be far easier.

I belive the role of mum is very important and staying at home especially pre school age is great imo. But don't make out like it's harder than other mothers have it.

Im a SAHM with pre-school children, I guess it depends on your job but the type of desk-job I had involved 'hiding' in a big organisation, making copious cups of tea and doing very little, admittedly that's because the organisation was a farce, badly organised and very few people cared plus there were multiple take-overs/mergers so no-one really knew what anyone did anymore...so I feel at home now I'm constantly 'on' it and can't just sit with a cuppa and look at Facebook but if I had been a teacher/police officer/nurse etc I'm sure it would be very different and I'd probably feel like you described

Can we see the article you are talking about op? Can you post a link?

Margaret I would imagine because being home with pre schoolers is the very hardest role. IMO anyway. The time when your youngest starts school is fantastic for freedom, and feels a bit like pay back time.

I worked for 16 years before having children. I worked part time when I had ds1 until ds2 came along. By far the hardest was the time after that when I was at home with the pre schoolers.

well said timtam

Little DS goes to morning nursery and I will go back part time when it's full time. I love it at the moment. I love my boys and enjoy their company. Is it easier? Of course it is. I've time for walks in the park, coffee with friends, do all the housework and cooking but I'm well organised.

Lots of SAHM threads tonight

Well it depends. I'm at home and I have 4 school age children - so life is more hectic than if I had, say, 2. But then factor in I have a cleaner twice a week and some may wonder what I do at home. DH is a workaholic type and travels a fair bit. I do cook for him, etc and I oversee everything to do with the kids schools and hobbies and so on. I run most days, do pilates every other day and modern ballet, so yes my life probably is easier than most. But the kids are happy and relaxed and DH prefers it like this because neither of us have to juggle anything and all that kind of stress.

Teenagers create a lot more laundry than young children.
They use more towels, change their clothes at the drop of a hat, they sweat more, will have smelly sports or gym kit, plus their clothes are much bigger. Jeans and hoodie of a 6ft 2 teenager take a lot more washing and drying than those of a 2 year old.