To think SAHM's have an easier life?

[workingmummy123]

I understand this won't please everyone but I'm referring to SAHMs with school age children. I read lots of articles - one today on Facebook - which talk about how SAHMs "work" at home doing a hundred domestic chores. However I work full time and still have to do the exact same number of domestic chores - I just have less time to do them. Am I missing something??

. It always comes back to haunt you if you don't have an equal marriage and both work.

Maybe your OH only values you for your earnings- don't tar everyone with that brush.

They are also much more trainable in relation to the workings of a washing machine Mindtrope.

It is rather implied in being a SAHM that the other individual is a high earner. It's a fairly well established fact that high earners are net contributors to the tax system

Yes, high earners will be contributing to the system. This does also include the many women who were high earners before becoming a SAHM. However, I don't think it's "implied" at all that a SAHM must have a high-earning partner. There are many SAHMs on a low household income too. Perhaps their personal preference is to not use before/after-school childcare, or maybe they don't work because childcare is expensive and returning to work wouldn't make sense financially.

Margaret..I guess because we don't have full time school children? Nevertheless I'm looking forward to setting up a home business in September.

I get the impression she's trying to say sahms with school age children are unambitious and should feel guilty for taking a bit of time out, accepting they will drop a rung on the ladder (not that I care) and should try not to socialise as working mums don't.

It's not a misery contest with the harassed workers juggling the kids and home and work, and sahms depressed and desperate for adult conversation and feeling like drudges.

You can enjoy both states while accepting there are pros and cons.

" there every need is provided by others"

Hahahahahhaha like fuck they do. Unless they can also pay for staff. Is someone bitter and jealous? I have a choice to work as we don't need it financially, I've chosen to work as being at home sucks, despite the extra time to myself. I work with my husband as a team with some SEN and my disability thrown in, no one else is meeting my needs outside our family unit on my days off. It's usually the SAHM meeting the needs of everyone else, save the actually money coming in, although they contribute to making it easier for the partner to work harder and earn more plus volunteer work to save the government employing more people.

I don't understand your post, it's not a competition, it's really not. Why do you take the "it's harder for me than it is for you" route? Who gives a fuck.

I've always worked, I'm the main bread winner, I have friends who never have. They look at me and they exclaim embarassement, they do nothing in comparison, I look at them and think if my husband earned what yours does, I'd totally quit tomorrow. Lucky them. I genuinely would quit if my husband earned what theirs did, and I hold no jealousy.

No one is better than the other, it's our circumstances, stop being so competitive. It's deeply unpleasant. It's really not a competition , it's our cirumstances.

It's harder in some respects, and easier in others. But in essence, you're right. As a sahm you have the luxury of choice...Grizzly kids? Stick the TV on. Cancel arrangements. You don't have to do anything. You can do stuff during the day so it isn't done at the weekend, leaving more family time. Of course some kids are easier to work around, and some people choose not to do the house stuff, but on the whole it can be done.

I've been a SAHM for the best part of 20 years..... our eldest DD was home educated instead of going to secondary (she has ADHD) and trying to work around that was very hard going and I gave up in the end. DH works 6 days a week so I felt too bad to ask for help running kids round/housework even though he'd offer and I felt I was buckling under the strain of doing everything. I don't miss working at all, I've done some OU/college courses, am a keen photographer and walk miles every day with my gorgeous dog. I also look after my ageing parents and 3 grandchildren. DH's income luckily allows me to do this, and he's more than happy with it all - he hated me working and coming home to chaos. It suits our family, but I do appreciate how lucky I am for having the life I do. And yes it is an easier life, no question.

But equally, what's wrong with that? Life doesn't have to be hard. Yes, very often it is, but people shouldn't be criticised just for having an easier life.

Basicbrown- yawn.
My teenagers are too busy to wash clothes. They study, they work, they have hobbies.

I am at home. Easier for me to do the laundry.

If i was a SAHM with school age dcs i would drop them in the morning in work wear.
Then i would go home and put my pj on. That's the way to get trully FREE time imo. Otherwise people will keep asking you for favours , or for lunches.

This is my fantasy.

I think that the extent to which even major lifestyle factors like SAHM or not impact on the 'easiness' of somoen's life is overestimated. I think much more of it is determined just by who and how you are, your physical and mental health and so on. Some people find life hard with very few responsibilities, others cope well with many pressures. I suppose for a category of people with similar comparable good health and similar outlooks the lifestyle choices would apply as detemining how easy they find things, but for the population as a whole, no.

I have done both. Currently a SAHM with school aged children and a very part time work from home - I also do voluntary work mainly from home.

First I'll say I absolutely loved my job - found it interesting and challenging - I NEVER didn't want to go in.
As a SAHM I find I do more or less all the chores and child related things - cleaning etc around the house, dr/hospital appointments etc - as I obviously have more time than working DP. I also feel obliged to go to everything at the school and have no excuse to leave when my DC has done their bit cos I have to get back to work . And some things are incredibly boring. I also feel obliged to volunteer to help out for everything - as I have more time than working parents. And DCs do more activities with all the crap that goes with them -because I am around to take them.
And I hate cleaning etc - it is constant and thankless and boring. Drudgery. I don't appreciate my extra free time ...I put off doing basic cleaning because I hate it with a passion. So every day I do things that I don't want to do and hate...
If I could get back into my job (which I can't) - or in fact any rewarding job - I would in a heartbeat. I would be less keen if I had to do a job I didn't want to do for money.
We have savings but quite a low income -so I have to be careful what I spend. I have less disposable income -so eg when I worked full time I would think nothing of taking DC out every weekend somewhere - even just for a meal - I would think nothing of spending £30 - £40 and more on a treat for us. I couldn't do that now...I would feel guilty.
So for me personally I much preferred working FT. I also like being busy and having a bit of a challenge, juggling. But it really does depend on your circumstances. I think part-time 3-4 days a week in a job you enjoyed would be perfect....but I've never done that -and the grass is always greener...

unlucky- time for a new venture perhaps?

DH is a SAHD (works from home, but PT) and he does seem to have it easier than I do.

However, he has a lot of support (hired help and MIL).
But... just out of interest. What do SAHP of school aged children and especially teenagers do? I'm not trying to sound condescending... but I'm honestly curious.

depends on circumstances. my son was born prem & my maternity leave ran out before he was out of school, so I quit my job. When he went to school I couldn't find a job that would allow me to drop him off first & be there to pick him up but luckily I got a part time job at his primary school. When I went back to work (an now still only part time as I am also his carer - he can't manage independently still) I realised how much easier it was when I was a SAHM. But I'm also a single parent so have to do everything.

But like someone else said, it's not a competition. I still think it's harder for mums that work full time though, especially if you have more than 1 child.

I've done both. I think SAHMs do have it easier. Slightly.
But the hard bit about being a SAHM for me was being lonely and it being non stop

Being a teacher I am lucky enough to have prolonged periods off with my now 3.5 DS. Any person who says bring a SAHM is harder has obviously never had to drag a child to nursery by 7.45 in the morning, then set up for the day, work through lunch and pick up a tired and grumpy child at 5.30 before getting dinner on the table for when husband returns, bath, bed, start work at home, rinse and repeat. I would LOVE to be a permanent SAHM X it's a piece of piss and the only parts of the year where I'm not stressed out of my tits!

Crikey I love being a stay at home mum. I also work from home though is that OK?

Tomorrow I mainly plan to watch crap on the TV all day.

To be honest though I would love a little job outside the house but my DH works such terrible shifts it is really hard to find childcare. I had to turn a job down last year.

What Jellymuffin said x 10000

It's no competition - some people are terribly defensive. I'm genuinely interested and I've found some of these replies very interesting. I would conclude there are a (perhaps small) number of people who do actually have an easy life staying at home. A few replies I would suggest much more goady and boastful than my original post with regard to lives of luxury but it would also seem that for many others it's not necessarily a life choice and comes with significant downsides. Thank you everyone who has managed to be civil in their replies. As always on mumsnet it's disappointing to hear from a small minority who are deliberately hostile in their replies with nothing useful whatsoever to add.

Clarys - I guess as a SAHM, life is what you make it. I can only speak for myself, but I'm never bored and never have been.
All the boring stuff in the house - I just have more time to do all that than if I was at work. I make more effort with dinner etc which DH appreciates and the kids too,I suppose. But yes I do have time for my hobbies, meeting friends, shopping, etc too And in that sense I feel very privileged.

I've been a sahm with a school age child and now work full time. Different problems. Yeah staying at home was easy and lazy and boy do I miss it sometimes, but the boredom is so draining. Yes I'm knackered and never have enough time to go to the fricken loo but it's also great being busy and really appreciating down time. When down time is all you have all day every day it's exhausting in a different way

I'm a SAHM to two primary school age children. I've also been a full time WOHM.

Not sure why having an easier life is a bad thing though? My friends are a mixture of SAHP, full time and part time WOHP's and I'd say I certainly have the "easiest" time. We don't have an income the same as the others now, but it's not actually as much of a drop as you'd think as I don't have any childcare costs now.

Mine, DH's and the DC's lives are much easier and happier since I've finished work without a doubt and as I get everything done in the day whilst they're out and have some me time, they all have my full attention when they're home.

Clary I do a fair bit of voluntary work. DH is in charge of the community program at his factory, they have an educational grant program. I publicize it to local schools, help write grant request letters and forms, and keep track of applications so people know what's going on. I helped with grants that brought in over two hundred thousand for local schools last year. I wrote several grant applications for DD's school resulting in several thousand in funding. I did the bulk of the work involved with installing a flower, herb, and wildlife garden at her school and maintaining it over the past year. I volunteer as a math coach occasionally for adults taking the high school equivalency test here. I am secretary to the board of a non-profit DH volunteers with and am just starting to help them with space planning the new offices they'll be moving into. I am going to start learning two new drafting packages on line this year so I can go back to work in 18 months or so.

My neighbor volunteers with a local chapter of the Red Cross and they raise a couple of million a year which obviously takes a lot of work.

Another neighbor volunteers for the PTA board of the local school. With a budget of around a hundred thousand a year that is like running a small business. Publicity, fundraising events, field days, festivals, concerts, reading groups, reading and library volunteers, admin aids for teachers, book fairs, clubs for chess, robotics, photography, Chinese, Spanish, music, math, academics, school garden, field trip chaperones, it's a lot to organize.