Ex stopping child maintenance while he takes children on holiday.

[Fragglewump]

My ex husband texted me to say that it makes sense to only pay half his child maintenance to me in August as he is taking the children away for 2 weeks so will have them with 'all the costs involved'. I told him that seeing as he has never contributed a single penny towards a school trip/residential or the times I take the children on holiday why should I pay for his holiday. He is 'gobsmacked' by my response.

EnormousTiger I don't think it's about how desperate you are (or not) for the money. It's about a moral and what should be a proper legal responsibility to provide financially for your children if you are the NRP. It should be an offence to try and evade this responsibility.

by full maintenance I mean that she received the same maintenance from my brother as if she had their child 365 days a year and yet he had the child almost 50/50

But that still means very little. 'Full maintenance' from an NRP who is on minimum wage is very different to someone on £100k. I also find 50/50 a misnomer where there is a discrepancy in the income of parents - why one parent on £12k should be expected to go 50/50 with someone on, day, £50k is beyond me. If that happened within a relationship it would be considered abusive.

It is not about misogyny. It is about money, power and control. It always has been

Power and control on the part of an ex partner, yes. Misogyny when people of both sexes start suggesting it's ok to not support your children because the NRP also needs a life, that the PWC is being grasping, or should be grateful they can work more hours for 2 weeks of the year. That men who support their children, that women who support their children are too focused on their careers/don't work enough hours/expect to receive benefits....All that has, one way or another, been expressed on this thread.m

You get child benefit and tax credits? If you do and he gives you money that should be enough to cover costs for your kids, I don't see an issue with him refusing to pay while he has them for two weeks as he will need the money himself, unless you give him half the tax credits etc while he has them then I think you are being unreasonable.

It doesn't work like that though. Yes the non resident parent is feeding the children on holiday but at home you probably before the holiday bought them new T shirt and shorts etc which probably cost more than the food whilst away. It is the ordinary marginal cost of having childrenliving with you all the time that is the expensive thing - you might be paying rent for a 3 bed flat rather than the one bed the ex husband pays for example. Now is your landlord going to offer you a rent discount whilst your children are on holiday> No way. Your lease will prohibit you from putting the 2 rooms on air bnb whilst the children are gone too and it is usually the resident parent who has bought stuff for the holiday. Before ours I paid for 3x hair cuts (their father has not paid for a hair cut for the 5 in the last 12 years for example), I bought sun cream, insect repellant, new swimming trunks as too small last summer; who bought the suitcase? Probably the resident parent.

I would get his payments through CMS and this will be taken from his pay at source. Then he doesn't have the control anymore. He is being deliberately stingy. This is him using his children to reduce payments. He should be generous to his children and take them on holiday without so much as a whimper about the payment. Honestly, some people are so stingy.

my thoughts, having just read the OP, is that payments should be based on time spent at each parents (so example : taking out the two week spent in summer and weekends etc) then divided into a monthly/weekly payment ..

ie. pay £10 a day/£70 a week / £280 a month
366 days in a year = £3660 annually approximately

however if child is away set times ie two days a month one week in summer (31 days) the payments will be minus this so £3660 - 310 = £3350

This is then divided equally into weekly / monthly payments ie. £3350 ÷ 12 = £279.16 per month

that said however, I think the other parent should be responsible for clothing, feeding, etc when in their care for the week etc.

he should be paying the required holiday clothes, suncream etc as the child is in his care.

that said however, I think the other parent should be responsible for clothing, feeding, etc when in their care for the week etc.

he should be paying the required holiday clothes, suncream etc as the child is in his care.

If the child is mostly with the othe parent though the massive extra rent (or mortgage cost) over shadows the saving on child food whilst the child is away surely? Or you could say mother needs 3 bed rented flat which costs an extra £600 as month over a 1 bed so if the children are on holiday with the father for say one month a year the mother is paid the cost of the children's food less but not the £600 less for that month as she still has the rent to pay and ditto if she has to pay a nanny or nusery or child minder to keep th eplace open as most of us do even if the child is away with the father. The weekly cost of full time childcarefor under 5s does not disappear because you're on holiday so the non resident parent should still be bearing their share of that regularly monthly cost rather than having some kind of massive financial holiday just because they are feeding the childn (when the child;s main costs - extra housing and childcare are still there)

I think it depends entirely on your relationship and a bit of give and take tbh.

ExH gives me £160 a month for two kids. He is low income in a council one bed flat, with another child. However, the kids never want for anything at his - I provide clothes, but he treats them to days out, to presents, so much that I know he couldn't afford if he gave me CSA rates or more money. My children's relationship with him is important to me, more so than the extra £20 or so a week.

He took them away for two weeks last summer. In that time I didn't receive maintenance. I didn't quibble it tbh, although my main outgoings hadn't changed, tbh I saved that £40 a week of food and activities for them! So it made sense for him to keep it and spend it directly on the kids.

So what I'm saying is, it entirely depends on a. Your relationship with your ex and your kids and b. Their finances.

Enormous Tiger, don't forget the NRP also has to pay for a bigger flag etc as s bedroom or bedrooms will be needed when dcs come to stay there.

Re the buying stuff before they go on holiday, is it the resident parent or the NRP who is buying this stuff- yes the RP is physically handing over the cash for the items, but don't forget that s proportion if that cash came from the NRP through the maintenance payments.

Mine also did this one year! So I said no more holidays then or maybe he would like to give me double when he goes on holiday for 2 weeks and doesn't have the kids for that period? Then he saw he was being a twat. He didn't check with me first just didn't transfer it. They aren't pay per view and it's calculated for a certain number of nights per year which wasn't breached - I do not go on holiday without my kids like he does or ask for MORE money to pay our family holidays and like I said, I don't ask for extra top up if he has 2 weeks off. Because I'm not a bloody childminder

Oh this makes me so mad

Children are either pay per view or they are not.

I agree the non resident parent may be paying to house children at weekends althoughmy ex has an unmortgaged 5 bed detached house and has not invited any of the 5 children to spend even a night in it over the last 12 years but I agree not all fathers are like that.

My ex has 8 weeks school holiday and doesn't have the children even for a night. I take a week off over the summer. So when they were younger I had to pay for childcare which is pretty expensive full time.

The bottom line on the thread is that the law says this many may not chop and change what he pays. If the court order says no payment in holidays then no payment in holidays. If he wants to change things then he needs to reach agreement over it or get the court (or CMS) to change it.

I am probably not qualfied to be on the thread however as the children's father barely sees them and he pays nothing. At least that keeps it simple I suppose.

Don't get me wrong tiger, I think NRPs should contribute to the upkeep of the kids, the issue I have and I suppose it comes from my experience, I push to see my dc as often as possible, and that means that I have him usually half the time. Dw sometimes arranges childcare with his gran etc, which means that I prob have him more than dw.

I suppose what I am saying is that I am the NRP because I left the family home to let dw and DS move back into it, based on address alone dw is the resident parent, yet I have dc more and pay maintenance- dw also gets the child benefit etc.

I'm also renting a house while dw is paying an interest only mortgage. I think that even with this all going on we are both struggling financially. We have started talking so I suppose there is a chance orla reconciliation- maybe that's why I'm not being an ass about it.

I actually continue to pay my Ex-wife during the summer holidays although August is actually split 50/50. I carry on doing this because I have to go away on business trips quite a lot and when I look at the CMS calculator you can either say you have the children 1-2 or 2-3 days a week.

Once all is taken into consideration it still works out 2-3 so I just keep it that way.

On the other hand I do expect her to pay for the school uniform outright because I pay slightly about the calculation and I'm paying the mortgage for the house I no longer live in.

Unfortunately separation and divorce is always tricky but I think there always needs to be a bit of give and take from both sides...

18 month old ZOMBIE thread.

Good morning ,
When the paying parent goes on holiday for 3 months a yr , is he supposed to stop paying as he is not earning. Which is his assumption/ logic not mine .

Charlotte

Let him. He needs to buy clothing, suitcase, toiletries for the holiday then.