Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pick my dog over my boyfriend?

427 replies

wonagold · 10/01/2017 02:30

My mum passed away when I was 13, my dog brought me so much love and comfort, she really made me heal (she got me through the teen years!) and she is absolutely my world. I have been very good friends with someone for a while now and we began dating, he knew I had a dog and it was fine, but we have been speaking about moving in together and he says he couldn't live with a dog due to his allergies mixed with asthma, I knew he had asthma, but he never said anything about his allergies. My dog is now 11 and is expected to live 12-15, he says that I have given her a good life and I feel like he is trying to get me to get rid of her Sad that would never happen, but it's sad he thinks that's okay, she is getting older now and really needs me. My aunt who I am quite close to has said that he could be the one, which I agree, he very much is, I love him a hell of a lot. It's so hard. I have said that we don't need to move in with each other right now, but he says we are at that stage in the relationship. He says the only choice would be for him or the dog to not be there, as it would make him to ill. I wouldn't be unreasonable to pick my dog would I??

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 10/01/2017 03:17

YANBU.

Anyone who suggested this to me would not, by definition, be 'the one'.

EmeraldScorn · 10/01/2017 03:21

HE is being unreasonable, not you.

I have two dogs and never would I "get rid" or rehome them to accommodate anyone/anything else.

Pick your dog, no question!

Pluto30 · 10/01/2017 03:23

I'd kick him to the curb for even implying that the dog should go.

As a PP said, there are a lot of red flags here. Get rid of the guy; keep your beloved dog.

Original poster
wonagold · 10/01/2017 03:28

Oh I wasn't sure what he meant, I really hope he didn't mean PTS. No, he hasn't ever reacted to my clothing, etc. but I'm not too sure how allergies work. I'm 21 so not crazy young but he hasn't ever stayed at mine and I know that sounds a bit mad! I did a HND so didn't need to move to uni and he was at uni, so I used to go and see him, but never have stayed the full nice... Just left at life 2am, I wouldn't leave the dog all night, obviously! You wouldn't move in without being married, why is that??

Thank you for all the comments, I didn't realise I would get this many at this time.

OP posts:
Original poster
wonagold · 10/01/2017 03:29

night and like

OP posts:
Meridien · 10/01/2017 03:39

I agree with the view that he shouldn't be doing this, and you and your dog need each other. DH and I feel the same about our cats. DH read your post and said 'Her dog, always'.

MrsTerryPratchett · 10/01/2017 03:46

Is he quite young too? Because I can let him off a tiny bit if he's young. Maybe. But I would want to know what he meant...

emmyhNL · 10/01/2017 03:54

I'm the one with allergies (and they're semi severe) and we have 2 dogs in this house. There are a lot of things you can do to reduce down the issue of your allergy if it means enough to you.

So I'd be asking him: how much do I mean to you? Would you be willing to take a daily antihistamine? Or go through a few months of injections to reduce down your intolerance?

It's also fishy that he's mentioning this now. Why? Also agree with other posters about a man that gives you an ultimatum is not "the one". They're an arse

Confutatis · 10/01/2017 04:04

Dog 100%... Let's say you give in (which you won't, I guess) - ask him what happens next. Then ask him how/what he thinks you are feeling. This could tell you a lot about whether you should be moving in together... How badly would you miss not having a dog in years to come? And how bad are the allergies and asthma (i.e can they be doggy treated at all?)

CrikeyPeg · 10/01/2017 04:15

Def you're NBU to choose your dog over him. And yeah, I too reckon the words you've given her a good life mean PTS. Ask him what he thinks options for your dog would be and see what he says. He sounds like the sort of bloke that would chip away at stuff until there's only him in your world and then you're poked.

nooka · 10/01/2017 04:21

It's not unreasonable for him to say he can't live in a house with a dog in it. It is unreasonable for him to decide that you must live together given he can't live with the dog (and the 'we are at that stage' line seems like very black and white thinking especially when you are both so young).

He is massively unreasonable to be pressuring you to put your dog down in order to get it out of the way so he can move in (and sorry but yes that's how I read 'you've given it a good life'). To be honest I'd dump someone who suggested that to me about my dog, even if they had life threatening allergies. Yes you could try and rehome the dog, but it will be hard (to find a good home plus psychologically for both of you) and I don't think you really want to do you OP?

Araminta99 · 10/01/2017 04:30

No, I think him even suggesting it is disgraceful! He's not the one, the one for you is an animal lover who wouldn't think of such a thing.

AyeAmarok · 10/01/2017 04:33

I'd choose the dog too.

I don't like his ultimatum. It's like he's forcing you into "choosing him" over your dog, completely unnecessarily, just so he can see if he can make you dance to his tune. You don't need to live together right now, you can wait a few years (when hopefully you will have realised that this man is not the one for you).

Your dog sounds lovely.

Your boyfriend sounds like a fud.

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/01/2017 04:40

I'm another, who read your op as him meaning the dog should be PTS. I'm babbling like a baby remembering having to PTS our lovely dogs. No way no way. Whatever he meant and whatever you do, how could the relationship survive if you rehomed her or had her PTS? I once saw a girl with extreme allergies being treated through injections, which is probably what emmy is referring to. It worked for her. I would give him the option to do this. If he's the one, he'll move heaven and earth to make this work.

And you know there isn't only just one person out there for you. He's the one, who you want to be with because you met him and you click. Had your paths not crossed, there would be someone else now or in the future. I remember thinking there was maybe only one person for me out there when I was young. Now that I'm mid 40's I see things very differently.

GizmoFrisby · 10/01/2017 04:48

Pick the dog. I'd pick mine.

DoubleCarrick · 10/01/2017 04:50

Pick your dog, it sounds like that's what you want.

When I started dating DH and I realised that the relationship was developing I told him that I could see our relationship going further but he needed to meet the dog because if the dog didn't like him I'd want to know before we allowed the relationship to get serious Grin poor dh was nervous that the dog wouldn't like him because it hinged on where I saw our relationship heading. Luckily dog loved him, hence why he is now dh! Wink

aurynne · 10/01/2017 04:50

I would pick the one who is not asking me to choose between two creatures that I love.

Cakeycakecake · 10/01/2017 04:55

I totally read it like he wants the dog pts too. You've given her a good life implies it's over, time for that to end and your beloved family member (cause that's what she is) to stop taking 'his' place.
He probably even resents your love for her. Leaving at 2am to go home to her, never staying? Oh he's quite clear he's had enough of being below your dog in this situation.

Choose your dog. She won't be here forever, if he's worth anything and actually is the one, he will be around forever and you'll have many years to share living together when your wonderful dog has eventually died her natural death

Mouikey · 10/01/2017 05:00

Dog every time, but he is nun to suggest it if his allergies are that bad - although I too would have thought he would have suffered just by being around you!

I'd also spend the night with him or go on holiday together - it's not the same as living together but it's definitely worth doing as a minimum to get to know how the other person lives (because it's v hard after the honeymoon phase!) especially if one of you is a neat freak and the other not so much!!!

Coastalcommand · 10/01/2017 05:09

YANBU. Your dog is always thee for you, and you are returning that loyalty. Whether he means having your beloved family dog put to sleep or dumped in a dogs home (where they will most likely Be put to sleep anyway because nobody is likely to take on a dog of that age) it's just not viable.
I too doubt the excuse about the allergies. If it's such a problem he can take antihistamines.
And if the relationship is going to work it will thrive whether you live together or not. I didn't move in with my husband until we had been dating for more than five years. Incidentally I have two older dogs and always made it clear that I wouldn't move in without them. Thankfully he adores them and spoil them rotten. If your boyfriend doesn't love your dark it says a lot about him in my book.
Stick to your guns!

Coastalcommand · 10/01/2017 05:09

Dog not dark!

Nataleejah · 10/01/2017 05:20

Yanbu. Love your dog. Ditch the arse.

PollytheDolly · 10/01/2017 05:25

Your BF will have to wait then won't he. Or move in and buy shares in Kleenex. Simple.

Give your dog a big hug from me Wink

BratFarrarsPony · 10/01/2017 05:26

Pick the dog

iloveeverykindofcat · 10/01/2017 05:44

This is the first time I've said this, but LTB