to pick my dog over my boyfriend?

[wonagold]

My mum passed away when I was 13, my dog brought me so much love and comfort, she really made me heal (she got me through the teen years!) and she is absolutely my world. I have been very good friends with someone for a while now and we began dating, he knew I had a dog and it was fine, but we have been speaking about moving in together and he says he couldn't live with a dog due to his allergies mixed with asthma, I knew he had asthma, but he never said anything about his allergies. My dog is now 11 and is expected to live 12-15, he says that I have given her a good life and I feel like he is trying to get me to get rid of her that would never happen, but it's sad he thinks that's okay, she is getting older now and really needs me. My aunt who I am quite close to has said that he could be the one, which I agree, he very much is, I love him a hell of a lot. It's so hard. I have said that we don't need to move in with each other right now, but he says we are at that stage in the relationship. He says the only choice would be for him or the dog to not be there, as it would make him to ill. I wouldn't be unreasonable to pick my dog would I??

Whatever you feel about your looks OP, it's not a reason to settle for someone because you think you won't get anyone else.

Another vote for dog!
And also agreeing that he only thinks you're at the 'stage' of moving in together because he wants somewhere to live. Having not spent a full night together, he's not been to your house,not attempted to review how allergic he is to DDog etc. I think it's clear you're NOT at the moving in stage.

Enjoy your beautiful dog

Choose Dog. If I had known how fantastic they were, I would never have been married/engaged/cohabited/partnered or even dated to be honest.

This has huge red flags for me.

And don't you dare put yourself down re looks wise.

He sounds controlling and not as good a person as you think.

You have your whole life ahead of you, your bf is not the only man in the world, there is someone out there for you, I don't think it's this guy.

Dog first. I understand about allergies, but your dog has been there for 10 years. The boyfriend hasn't. If he was 'the one' he'd help you find a solution that allowed you to keep them both.

My dog moved in with my husband before I did, if he was good with her, then he would be a wonderful husband and father too and he has been.

He is not 'the one'.
This will be the first incident of coercive control. There will be more.

I'm not a dog lover at all - but in this case the dog comes first. He's trying to change the way you live by making insensitive and unreasonable demands - believe me - this would only be the beginning of his attempt to control you. Steer clear

As a couple of people have said, it sounds like he's looking to sort out where he would be living after Uni and your house sounds convenient, except the dog!

Lots of alarm bells, doesn't sound like he'll turn out to be a very nice bloke - very manipulative already and sounds like you've not been together long.

What difference will a couple of years make to the relationship really? It will make a massive difference to your dog.

I had two cats when me and my now husband got together - he has allergies and basically takes piriton every day as, in his words, 'you had them before you had me, they're your babies'....

I was explicitly told by an ex it was him or the horse. horses won without a second thought.

YANBU my dog is 14 and has been with me through so much. I would never push him aside for anyone. In addition, and this may be me BU, I don't trust people who dislike dogs - exceptions only made for people who had traumatic experiences in childhood. It has held true in my experience to date that people who don't like dogs for no good reason always turn out to be shitty people. You will regret it if you give up your loyal companion for this guy, even if you do feel right now that he's "the one". One more piece of advice - there is no "the one". There are many potential partners out there for all of us and you owe it to yourself not to give up so much for some guy who may end up being a poor choice.

and this may be me BU, I don't trust people who dislike dogs

You are right it does make you unreasonable making such sweeping statements.

If he was 'the One' he'd know how important your dog has been to you, what a comfort he (dog) has been to you when your Mum died and because your dp loves you ( supposedly) he would do all in his power to help the animal who was a 'rock' for his beloved.
Instead he wants to get rid of something you love deeply.
Red flags here.

Aww please dont even consider giving your dog away, shes been loyal and your best friend all these years. You owe her the same loyality. She will be scared and depressed without you. This breaks my heart that its even a question 😢 boyfriend will have to wait until she passes away

Nope deffo not 'the one' x

I understand he has allergies but sorry he isn't the one if he is expecting you to get rid of your beloved dog! I don't even know you and I can see why you would be traumatised!
I have had a few friends reduce their dog allergies through health kinesiology.
Good luck

Tell your fella to jog on - my partner knows the dogs come first and I hope he'd pick them over me too! PICK THE DOG! X

I would be seriously worried about anyone that even considered it OK to suggest getting rid of the dog. Our pets are family members and as such would always take priority. The boyfriend could wait if he really loved you, but for me he already has red flags/alarm bells, and I wonder what other subjects he would have differing views on in the future, what other ultimatums he might issue etc! Our pets trust us to do right by them and it is our responsibility to be a good friend to them and ensure their welfare is paramount in any decisions we make on their behalf. Your dog is important and has been there for you, now you need to be in her corner. If it came down to a choice then the dog has to be number one.

I haven't read everyone's comments. I hope OP is ok as she's not been on.
I know you wouldn't have your dog PTS for anyone. As a dog lover, I couldn't, so I know you wouldn't either. I think maybe BF could try spending time with your dog. If it doesn't work then at least he's tried. Is she a non hair dropping breed? I've heard they are better for allergies. But if you really love each other then you can continue how you are now. You do know he will never allow a pet in the house if it does effect him? As an animal lover I wouldn't want a life without a pet. Maybe it would be different the other way round, I mean if you'd been together a long time, then got a new dog and found out he was allergic, then the dog would have to go (or maybe not 😂)
Please don't think you have a problem with your looks that would stop you finding someone else. Whether you are pretty or plain there is someone for everyone. You are only 21 there's plenty of time for boyfriends ahead yet.
Enjoy your doggie 🐶

I don't even particularly like dogs and I think he's being a dick. How can he expect you to get rid of your lifelong friend???? If he's that into you, he can live elsewhere until your dog goes to doggie heaven. Lots of couples live separately quite happily.

Pick the dog. No question. He's not 'the one' for putting you in this position.

I am with Kittybythelighthouse.PWPF You are plain wrong!

Piglet, you're welcome to think what you like but thus far in my experience I've never been wrong, so I will continue to be wary of people who have a strong dislike of dogs (not fear, just dislike) for no reason. Thus far in my life they've always eventually shown themselves to lack empathy in general. Could be coincidental but there it is.