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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to pick my dog over my boyfriend?

427 replies

wonagold · 10/01/2017 02:30

My mum passed away when I was 13, my dog brought me so much love and comfort, she really made me heal (she got me through the teen years!) and she is absolutely my world. I have been very good friends with someone for a while now and we began dating, he knew I had a dog and it was fine, but we have been speaking about moving in together and he says he couldn't live with a dog due to his allergies mixed with asthma, I knew he had asthma, but he never said anything about his allergies. My dog is now 11 and is expected to live 12-15, he says that I have given her a good life and I feel like he is trying to get me to get rid of her Sad that would never happen, but it's sad he thinks that's okay, she is getting older now and really needs me. My aunt who I am quite close to has said that he could be the one, which I agree, he very much is, I love him a hell of a lot. It's so hard. I have said that we don't need to move in with each other right now, but he says we are at that stage in the relationship. He says the only choice would be for him or the dog to not be there, as it would make him to ill. I wouldn't be unreasonable to pick my dog would I??

OP posts:
Dadsaworry · 10/01/2017 19:42

Dog. No question!

HawthornLantern · 10/01/2017 19:46

The dog. Absolutely pick the dog. She has been your faithful friend through everything.

If you did change your mind and get rid of her in favour of your BF, then I am stone cold certain that you would regret it bitterly. You would feel guilty, you would miss her and ultimately you would be likely to resent your BF for the pressure that he put on you in the first place.

It's not worth it. And I'm not even a dog person (I'm a cat person).

OhMrsQ · 10/01/2017 19:50

The dog, the dog!
By saying he wants to move in with you as he has nowhere to live is a downright selfish move.
Even if you are, as you say, unfortunate in the looks department it doesn't matter. You WILL be loved by a fantastic person. Whats inside is so important, and the goodness from you just emanates off this page.
I'm sorry about your mum too Flowers

FuckOffLazyClickbaitJournos · 10/01/2017 19:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

tillytown · 10/01/2017 20:28

Another vote for your dog from me

sonjadog · 10/01/2017 20:48

Has he not been at your place at all, OP? Has he never met the dog? That in itself is a good reason not to move together - you need to spend a lot more time together before you take that step.

Also, even if he changes his mind about the dog, I would still say no to living together. Because someone who dislikes a dog like that will not be kind to your dog. If he were kind, he would never have suggested putting her to sleep at all.

You want a man who accepts and treasures your dog because your dog is the most precious thing in your life. Don´t accept anything less.

When I met my boyfriend he was really keen to meet my dog and kept asking. I was a bit uncertain as my dog can be a bit much at the best of times, and he can frighten people with his enthusiastic greetings. But eventually they met. Turned out my now boyfriend is terrified of dogs and also allergic. But he wanted to meet my dog because he is so important to me. That to me was a big sign early on that I had met someone who was worth it. That is the kind of response you should be getting from a man who is worth having in your life. Don´t compromise.

RubbishMantra · 10/01/2017 21:49

Are you OK @wonagold?

I expect you've had a lot to take in from the replies on this thread. As many have said, it seems this thread has highlighted the fact he most likely isn't The One, if he wants everything on his terms/timescale/convenience.

Maybe your little dog has (unknowingly) helped you again - thus encouraging you to question this relationship.

ChickenVindaloo2 · 10/01/2017 22:21

I agree with the pp who said getting an animal is like having a child. You have committed to them for their natural life.

I think your bf sounds like a controlling arse. What else will you have to give up to prove your "love" for him.

Don't give up your dog, you would regret it forever. He could walk out the day after.

LouiseBrooks · 10/01/2017 23:04

Choose the dog. The nd sounds like a bit of an arsenal.

LouiseBrooks · 10/01/2017 23:05

The boyfriend sounds like a bit of an arse. Bloody auto correct.

Beahun · 10/01/2017 23:28

Pick the dog! Always pick the dog! Ditch the boyfriend!

dowhatnow · 11/01/2017 00:10

What is the saying. Men come and go but true friends are around forever.

WiddlinDiddlin · 11/01/2017 00:36

Echoing the others really but I feel strongly so I will anyway..

He is not 'the one'.

He is a twat.

A manipulative twat who cares more about himself than about you and probably an immature twat at that.

If he was 'the one' he would understand what the dog means to you.

If he was 'the one' he would be looking at solutions to the problem, seeing if he could get used to the dog, seeing if he could take antihistamines, seeing if bathing the dog frequently would help.. there are LOTS of options to address before deciding an allergy to a dog is serious enough to mean the person and dog cannot live in the same building..

By giving you this ultimatum he has proven he is NOT the one and you should run far and fast away from him.

Atenco · 11/01/2017 02:22

As for finding what I like and having some fun first, I'm a bit unfortunate in the looks department! I don't have a massive choice of people!

Mmm, I was talking to a friend of mine the other day and she was telling me how here her ugliness influenced some of the choices she made in her life. Personally I never saw her as ugly, but she is not pretty, however she still managed to get two gorgeous looking men to marry her. Her second husband is not only gorgeous but super nice and still with her after twenty odd years.

The nice men look at your personality.

shockthemonkey · 11/01/2017 06:33

My son has asthma and is fine around the dog. My sisters partner has allergies and is managing to live with a cat. Sometimes you need to limit exposure so partner never cuddles cat for instance and son keeps as much distance as he can from dog (though he loves her tons so still gives her rubs etc) on days when his asthma is troubling him. I'm so sorry but for me it's your adorable dog. Do not understand why bf can't wait a couple of years... and you're still very young. If he IS the one he'll wait a decade as my oh did. Best of luck

shockthemonkey · 11/01/2017 06:43

Your dog xxx I want to hug her to pieces xxx

Aeroflotgirl · 11/01/2017 07:29

Good thing, op has said she will never get rid of her dog, think the twattish boyfriend is going bye bye😂😂😂😂

JoffreyBaratheon · 11/01/2017 09:23

Your (beautiful) dog might have just helped you dodge a bullet. All the alarm bells are ringing, now.

And, just to repeat - he says because of asthma and allergy he'd be hospitalised. My relative with the severe asthma plus random horse allergy? To have an allergy that bad, you'd even get all the symptoms (badly) just being near someone who has been near the thing you're allergic to. ie: He'd never have been able to be in the same room as you, from the start let alone have a relationship with you to the point he'd announce you should kill your dog now for him to move in.

He may well be allergic to dogs but it isn't to the point it would put him in hospital - or he'd have been there already, just being around you. Something about this doesn't add up and you're getting this advice from someone here, who grew up in a house full of severe (and sometimes genuinely hospitalised) asthmatics.

JoffreyBaratheon · 11/01/2017 09:25

Should add, my ex was a dog lover who took his dog everywhere. When he was introduced to my dog - not so fond. I saw him chucking her off the sofa in a way that whilst not outright 'cruel', made me think twice about him. A couple of months later, something else happened (not to the dog) but it confirmed my growing suspicions about him and, in retrospect, his coldness to my dog - who was a quiet, gentle, sweet natured little soul - should have been more of a red flag than it was.

Greyponcho · 11/01/2017 13:17

OP has always had her dog, her DP has only recently declared his 'allergies'... its very odd that he's never mentioned them before, especially if it's so significant to warrant removing a dog from the property.
Maybe he doesn't want to be partly responsible for looking after it, cleaning up poop etc & that's why he wants rid hence suggesting he's a lazy, selfish arse

SecondMrsAshwell · 11/01/2017 13:30

I'd dump George Clooney for that lovely little squidge.

Headofthehive55 · 11/01/2017 13:35

IT is not correct to suggest that if he was allergic he'd be hospitalised already.
Initially an allergen provokes small reactions which can and do eventually lead to large reactions.

Why on earth do you think we ask a patient if they are allergic to certain drugs? It's not so we can give them that drug with a spot of antihistamine!

neuroticmumof3 · 11/01/2017 14:03

He's never been to op's house? but has just mentioned allergies? my alarm bells are ringing louder and louder. if he relented and moved in i suspect you woukd come home one day to no dog and some bullshit tale of how she ran away or some such. i knew someone whose wife had his beloved dog pts while he was at work. i used to be a domestic abuse worker and we heard many many nightmarish horror stories about what perps had done to pets. they don't like their partner to put anything above them and their convenience.

FurryLittleTwerp · 11/01/2017 14:10

It's nothing to do with the dog really.

He is trying to control you.

He isn't "the one" - sorry aunty is she controlling too?

AngelBlue12 · 11/01/2017 14:59

My DH is allergic to our cats - he takes a daily antihistamine and puts up with it because he knows how much they mean to the DC.

Unless he has a deadly allergy the HIBU.

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