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Original poster

To set up fake fb account

152 replies

WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 19:33

To message my exes new gf to advise her I am pregnant as I have reasons to believe he hasn't told her...realistically I know it's not my business whether she knows or not as she will likely find out once the baby arrives, however, I feel if she knows now & the circumstances...then she can get her head around it just in case he decides he wants contact with our son as I'd like to meet her too!

To message ex when the baby is here??

OP posts:
pringlecat · 09/01/2017 21:37

There's a lot going on for you right now. I can understand you wanting to, well, 'warn', your ex's new GF that he's having another woman's child in case that's not something she can handle. It lets her walk away before she invests too much. I don't necessarily think you're motivated there by anything other than looking out for another woman.

However, if you message her using FB, as has been mentioned, your messages aren't guaranteed to reach her, due to not being friends. You won't get the contact you hope for.

The trouble with doing much more to try to contact her is that your ex has already been to the police and they're starting to get a picture of you that doesn't look great. In your shoes, I would accept those facts and leave well alone with the GF unless she reaches out first.

Underthemoonlight · 09/01/2017 21:40

OP you are using you're child as a weapon here

Milklollies · 09/01/2017 21:40

This reply has been deleted

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DearMrDilkington · 09/01/2017 21:43

I completely agree with milk.

And op, calm down!! Everyone has been in a horrible place in their life, you aren't the first and you won't be the last. We just don't want you to get in trouble with the police for harassment. Your making this a lot worse for yourself, try to block him out and as hard as it is don't contact him or his family/friends/partners anymore.

Deannaamy · 09/01/2017 21:43

I would honestly just leave him to make an idiot of himself. You clearly have enough going on to consider anything else. Focus on your son and your own happiness

Screenburn · 09/01/2017 21:44

Wynter if your ex is as horrible as he sounds then his new GF will find out soon enough - you don't need to tell her.

Sounds like the best thing for your mental health is to stay far away from them both and try to work on positive things for you and your baby.

Underthemoonlight · 09/01/2017 21:44

Milk op isn't a troll she's just upset with the situation if you read previous posts you would see. OP sometimes when we are upset we need outside opinions who can best guide you. Please don't use the baby as a weapon focus on yourself and the baby don't create drama that's not there.

Gooseberryfools · 09/01/2017 21:48

OP I think you should just concentrate on yourself and getting some balance in your life right now. Talk to the GP and midwife. Plan to contact him post birth when the child has arrived and a baby is less of an abstract idea.

Unless he is abusive, you should really give your DH and DC a chance to have a relationship once the baby is born. You can do this all on your terms.

RosyGold · 09/01/2017 21:51

You sound (understandably) bitter - but your situation has nothing to do with his new girlfriend... your beef is with him and unfortunately if he doesn't want to be a dad you can't force him, just get what you're entitled to via CMS... feel sorry for you OP but the new girlfriend will side with him until he (possibly) shows his true colours to her personally. I'd leave her out of it. She'll find out sooner or later.

Maudlinmaud · 09/01/2017 21:52

Your ex does not look like he is trying to control you. From what you have said he wants you to stay away from him, his family and his workplace. When the baby arrives and he is sure of paternity then he can by law see him. You do not get to decide that. You are the controlling person here.

Original poster
WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 21:53

The trouble with doing much more to try to contact her is that your ex has already been to the police and they're starting to get a picture of you that doesn't look great. In your shoes, I would accept those facts and leave well alone with the GF unless she reaches out first.

The police are aware of the mental abuse he put me through....they are certainly not looking on him favourably.

The police asked me how I'd like to proceed with everything that had happened.

OP posts:
pringlecat · 09/01/2017 21:58

I would be surprised if the police were looking at you favourably either. I think the best thing for you and your baby (hard as it is) is to resist the urge to reach out any further. It's a shame you can't really talk to her, but you know he already knows that you're pregnant and when the baby is due, so there's nothing more you really need to discuss until the birth.

Yes, it would be nice if he would step up and have nice normal conversations with you about birthing plans, names, hopes and dreams and such like, but he's made clear he's not interested in any of that. Focus on this pregnancy, contact him briefly once the baby is born (maybe via a relative) then claim child support.

This pregnancy hasn't gone the way you would have hoped for and that is a shame, but all you can really do is focus on how to make the future as positive as it can be. He's not worth all the vitriol. If his GF is a nice person, she'll figure out his lack of worth eventually too.

DearMrDilkington · 09/01/2017 21:59

wynter that isn't what your other posts indicate at all. Are you taking anything for the depression?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 09/01/2017 22:08

OP you are using you're child as a weapon here

I agree and the person that will be stuck in the middle is your DS.

I doubt the police is looking favourably on either of you. You both have been spoken to.

I understand that you aren't in a good place, but this anger really won't help you.

Contacting his gf on a fake acount will get traced back to you, and add even more fuel to the fire.

You need RL support imo.

hoddtastic · 09/01/2017 22:10

you can't force him to have any kind of relationship or contact with you- the bit where you split up means he's not arsed, you don't have any trump cards to play. He's fucked you off, if you move and vanish you're probably doing the prick a favour.

I think you need proper help, and should find someone to support you. Have you been in touch with surestart/homestart?

Original poster
WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 22:13

Right.....I won't contact him, his gf or his family or anyone connected with him....now or in the future or in the distant future.

There, I took all of your advice....I'm doing as you all said, apologies to the ones who told me to do it!

OP posts:
DearMrDilkington · 09/01/2017 22:13

Have you joined any antenatal groups? Maybe you could meet someone there that's due the same time as you. It's a good distraction for the meantime and you might make a really good friend from it too.

DearMrDilkington · 09/01/2017 22:14

Wise choice wynter, it's definitely the best thing for you & your baby.

Sweets101 · 09/01/2017 22:57

Hey wynter sorry I only asked upthread as I thought it sounded like you.
You have my sympathy it'seemed a really shit thing to go through. Heartbreaking really. I'm sure I sounded unhinged when I was airing my thoughts and feelings to my family at the time, luckily as family they knew me and what was going on so didn't think I was a loon!
Tbh, don't contact him, her, them, any of it. Talk about it as much as you need to (lots I imagine!) But don't actually do anything. Just prepare for you and your DS. In my experience the only thing that helps is time passing, and in the mean time don't feel bad for feeling really fucking sad about it.
Have a look at the Gingerbread website.
Also, when I was expecting DS it all seemed a bit surreal, I really didn't think i'd bond with him. Was sure i'd have PND again. But I didn't, it really did all cease to matter when he was in the room.
Same couldn't be said for DD sadly and she was born when everything was rosy, but do you know what? We got over it. That's what happens. Eventually, we do just get over it.
Oh also, make sure your midwife knows and puts on your notes you don't want him at the hospital. That way at least if he was to show up they are aware and you can decide then if you want to change your mind. The midwives were like bouncers when I had DS!

TheNaze73 · 09/01/2017 23:26

I'm glad you've listened OP, to the brilliant advice, others have offered.

You need to let it go, with your ex's girlfriend, she's done nothing wrong. He's moved on & you need to as well & focus on yourself & your baby to be. This sounds like a lot of self created drama & it won't be doing either of you any good.

Make yourself your priority now

Littleballerina · 09/01/2017 23:39

If you have changed all of your contact details how can he contact you if he wants to?
What do you want his girlfriend to say?

LolaTheDarkdestroyer · 10/01/2017 02:27

I would do it. Been in your situation before, before the days of Facebook though so just stuck it to the fuckers when baby was born then told him to fuck right off. You don't need a man like that in your child's life.

NoFucksImAQueen · 10/01/2017 03:41

Oh op Iv had antenatal depression and it is horrible Flowers
My heart goes out to you.
I'm sorry your ex is such a cunt.

whattodowiththepoo · 10/01/2017 05:39

You should either start taking advice or stop asking for it.
I remember reading your other threads and all I can say is what many others have said. You need real life support and help.

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 10/01/2017 05:50

If the police have already been involved and advised no contact then you making fake fb pages and contacting his current gf isn't going to help at all.

She's an adult. It's up to her to find out about him before making any commitments.

You said it's because you want to know her because of contact. Yet the man doesn't seem to want contact.

I'm not sure you are being honest with you self over your reasons? He sounds like an arse. He knows you are pregnant. He can contact you if he is interested in contact. Otherwise go through legal option for money.

Focus on making contacts and support to help you and the baby.

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