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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To set up fake fb account

152 replies

WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 19:33

To message my exes new gf to advise her I am pregnant as I have reasons to believe he hasn't told her...realistically I know it's not my business whether she knows or not as she will likely find out once the baby arrives, however, I feel if she knows now & the circumstances...then she can get her head around it just in case he decides he wants contact with our son as I'd like to meet her too!

To message ex when the baby is here??

OP posts:
SparkleShinyGlitter · 09/01/2017 20:06

If your going to do it at least be an adult and use you own account and stick to the facts. Simple!

If it's a way to get to him, honestly don't do it to yourself

Why do you hope to achieve by telling her? You say it's her problem as her boyfriend is walking away from the child but telling won't make him be a Dad if he doesn't too.

He has a legal commitment to pay maintemce but you can't force him to have a relationship wit the child I'm afraid

lauryloo · 09/01/2017 20:06

How long have they been together and when is your baby due?

It might be a case of them not being together when you do have the baby

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/01/2017 20:07

Tough one.

Firstly I'm sorry you're going through this during what should be a happy time, he sounds like a shit. I take it he's completely running away from the situation? If you are going to message her I would make it along the lines of "sorry I've had to do his but I've been blocked every other way, can you ask him to get in touch about arrangements to his unborn son". But be well prepared for her to take his side and for him to spout all sorts of crap about you

WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 20:08

If you "blocked" why not make a fake profile to contact him?? Or I dunno conduct your life without fucking Facebook

Funny that, I don't have FB anymore!

OP posts:
TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 09/01/2017 20:08

He hasnt dropped his son. His son isnt even born yet. If he has said he wants no contact when he is born, go through solicitors to get maintenance. If he doesnt want contact rhat is his loss, but he doesnt get to not pay.
It has nothing to do with the girlfriend.

When did you split up?
When are you due?
Why did he call the police?

Dont try to force hom to care anout your pregnancy as he clearlydoesnt and it wil just be you who is upset by that.

Kpo58 · 09/01/2017 20:08

I can understand why you want to tell her.
Questions like do I want to be with someone who:

  • has left their pregnant partner
  • doesn't want to see their children
  • doesn't want to pay maintenance for their children
  • claims that they don't have children from previous relationships when they do
are all important questions that she needs to ask herself and discuss with her partner.

How you tell her, I don't know. Do you know if she and your ex lives together and where? If so could you not post a letter addressed to just her about it?

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 09/01/2017 20:09

funny that, I dont have fb anymore!

Then wtf is this thread about?!

WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 20:10

He was with her 14 days after leaving me.

OP posts:
TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 09/01/2017 20:11

Ok i undedstand youre angry but this isnt about her. When are you due?

WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 20:12

Then wtf is this thread about?!

I don't have my own, I deleted it.

I don't use fb on a day to day basis.

OP posts:
CommunionHelp · 09/01/2017 20:12

OP, completely honestly, are you just feeling upset and anxious and want to try to 'get at ' your ex?

CaptainMarvelDanvers · 09/01/2017 20:12

Are you the poster who got in contact with your exes boss?

If so I think you need to concentrate on yourself and leave him to it.

Onemorewonthurt · 09/01/2017 20:13

It's not your place to tell her anything, it's his.

The only reason you'd do that is for a reaction from him

Onemorewonthurt · 09/01/2017 20:13

It's not your place to tell her anything, it's his.

The only reason you'd do that is for a reaction from him

WynterBlossom · 09/01/2017 20:13

I am 26 weeks....so bloody much going on right now.

Likely to have to move away from my support network due to housing issues, money issues & all fucking other issues in my fucking shit life!

Every time I smile & start to get on with life something shit happens

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 09/01/2017 20:14

She might not even be with him in a few months time. Leave her out of it.

Deal with your ex directly. Not that there is very much to organise at this point until the baby is born.

TreeTop7 · 09/01/2017 20:14

I'd concentrate on the baby, on obtaining maintenance for him via official channels. The girlfriend isn't your immediate problem. If your ex wants access and she's still around, you can get to know her at that point. I'm sure you'll all want what's best for the child.

Maudlinmaud · 09/01/2017 20:14

And the police will be called again if you do this.
Seriously concentrate on your pregnancy this cannot be good for the baby or your mh.

Whatsername17 · 09/01/2017 20:15

Instead of going through the girlfriend, you should be contacting the csa to make arrangements for him to financially support his child. In your position I would write directly to him (via his family if you don't have an address) advising him that if he wants to have contact with his son then he needs to respond in order that a contact agreement between the two of you can be reached. Let's face it, you aren't going to be handing a newborn over for overnight visits, so his initial contact time will take place in a neutral location with both of you present. If you breastfeed, you will need to be close in the early months. You might choose to allow him to have overnight access once the baby is a few months old, but this is something that needs to be planned and agreed upon. If and when he makes contact, you can then be asked to be introduced to the new girlfriend as part of your contact arrangements. Keep a copy of your letter - it might come in handy if he challenges you for custody later on. Don't do the Facebook thing. It just comes across as vindictive.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 09/01/2017 20:16

What did the police say when he reported you? Did they warn you not to contact him again?

ilovesooty · 09/01/2017 20:17

For goodness sake. If he's not acknowledged his responsibility you need to be making sure he does. She is an irrelevance.

OnionKnight · 09/01/2017 20:17

Stop harassing people.

Pluto30 · 09/01/2017 20:17

Kind of is her problem, she's with a guy who has a baby on the way who is trying to run away from responsibility

That's not her problem. It's not her baby and not her mess to sort out.

Newyear4me · 09/01/2017 20:17

In the hopes she will dump him and you can have him back?

Forget the new gf and contact his family. They might want some contact with their grandchild. Surely you must know where his family are? Or at least know a friend of the family? You could write to them or get someone to pass on a message to them.

Loaferloveforyou · 09/01/2017 20:18

If your ex doesn't want contact with you (or the baby?) why would his gf want contact with you and the baby?

Just concentrate on yourself, your baby and your housing issues. That's what's important right now

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