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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

999 replies

Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:02

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 09/01/2017 23:25

MyNewUserNameIsSecret "I'm a bit shock at the suggestion that it's too difficult to get MAP on Christmas Day."

I am a bit shocked anyone should think a woman who wanted another baby would choose to take the morning after pill. That would be madness!

sj257 · 09/01/2017 23:25

I also hate how men are expected to get a vasectomy. I've read so many stories about them ruining mens sex lives. I also think it's so bloody final.

sj257 · 09/01/2017 23:27

Italiangreyhound, I've taken the MAP in the past even though I wanted another baby!

MyNewUserNameIsSecret · 09/01/2017 23:28

HorridHenry
No problem a quick google try it Grin shows that you can get MAP from

  • most NHS walk-in centres (in England only)
  • most pharmacies (there may be age restrictions) (Wink except Xmas day)
  • most NHS minor injuries units
  • some hospital accident and emergency departments (phone first to hcheck)

FPA.ORG.UK

PyongyangKipperbang · 09/01/2017 23:29

I also hate how men are expected to get a vasectomy. I've read so many stories about them ruining mens sex lives. I also think it's so bloody final.

The man isnt expected to do anything, the person in the marriage who is certain they dont want anymore children however, is expected to take responsibilty for making sure that it never happens.

My aunt was sterilised because she knew that she didnt want more children regardless of whether her and my uncle split up or not. In this case the husband is adamant he doesnt want more so he can take control and make sure that it never happens, but he chose not to. Thats why I have no sympathy for him.

PurpleMinionMummy · 09/01/2017 23:29

Or he just assumed 'it won't happen to me' 'its just this once it will be fine' 'the chances are minimal it's not worth worrying about'

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 23:30

Pharmacists also celebrate Christmas or have that day off if they don't.

GabsAlot · 09/01/2017 23:30

our local paper had a list of pharmacies open xmas day henry so youre wrong there

PurpleMinionMummy · 09/01/2017 23:32

God forbid a man might have his sex life ruined!! Obviously it's perfectly ok if hormal contraception ruins a womans sex life though.

I'm actually speechless at some of the crap being spouted on this thread.

MissStein · 09/01/2017 23:32

sj257, you clearly did not want another baby that much if you were happy to take MAP. For whatever reasons your desire to not be pregnant overrode your desire to be pregnant. Not the case in the op, who has stated that she would rather be pregnant.

Italiangreyhound · 09/01/2017 23:32

sj257 "Italiangreyhound, I've taken the MAP in the past even though I wanted another baby!"

Your choice. And so in your case not madness. Apologizes if it sounded rude. Thanks

I just think to assume the OP would be willing to take the MAP seems strange to me, if she wants another baby and is happy about it. But I do understand she mentioned it first.

I do not think anyone should be pressurized to use the MAP.

missbishi · 09/01/2017 23:33

I'm a bit shock at the suggestion that it's too difficult to get MAP on Christmas Day

Well, quite. A quick Google would have been all that was needed as there will have been somewhere open. You get 72 hours grace with Levonelle and 120 with ellaOne so it didn't even need to be Christmas Day.

Lweji · 09/01/2017 23:33

It is unfortunate that men are limited in their choice of contraception but they should not be forced or cajoled into having an operation they don't want. No one should.

He can certainly use condoms.

The alternative is for the woman to be forced or cajoled into having foreign hormones in her body, foreign bodies, or an operation to remove her baby or her womb.

His choice for no baby, he gets his balls where his mouth is, sort to speak.

JoyfulAndTriumphant · 09/01/2017 23:34

Marriage is supposed to be a partnership. In most normal marriages, one party being adamant they don't want another child would lead to a conversation about contraception. Not "oh well, he doesn't want a kid so I'll just do what I please and if I get pregnant it's his problem".

thatdearoctopus · 09/01/2017 23:34

I am a bit shocked anyone should think a woman who wanted another baby would choose to take the morning after pill.

It was the OP herself who mentioned it. And it could still have been sourced and taken on Boxing Day too.

PurpleMinionMummy · 09/01/2017 23:34

And they aren't expected to get a vasectomy, they are just expected to be responsible for their own contraception, you know, like an adult! They can use condoms if they don't want something permanent. Common sense dictates a vasectomy is the sensible option if you're adamant you don't want any more children.

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 23:35

Okay let's move on then feeling a bit blushed now. If they were drinking they can't drive there and there's no buses running that day. I'm sure police would be out and about looking for drunk drivers.

sj257 · 09/01/2017 23:36

No MissStein, I just knew my DH didn't want a baby at that time, so I took it because why would I want to have a baby that my husband didn't want?

PurpleMinion, Not all contraception is hormonal. Neither is it as final as a vasectomy. I also don't like the idea of women being sterilised!

MyNewUserNameIsSecret · 09/01/2017 23:36

You are right Gabs HERE is a list of pharmacies that were open Xmas day in Kent. The article says that the list was provided by NHS England so presumably it's not specific to Kent.

That was easy to google 😂

GardenGeek · 09/01/2017 23:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MyNewUserNameIsSecret · 09/01/2017 23:39

Sorry I cross posted with you HorridHenry. I'll move on Smile

annielouise · 09/01/2017 23:39

thedearoctopus - agree with what you say word for word

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 23:39

I couldn't be bothered to look that's why I asked you. Grin

Buttercupsandaisies · 09/01/2017 23:39

You can get the map at a&we. Not advocating using A&E at all but an older doctor friend of mine said people regularly went and due to the time restraints with its sucess, are often seen quite quickly

So she could have got it Xmas day

thatdearoctopus · 09/01/2017 23:40

He just made an error and she's deceitful.

Yep. His error was bloody stupid (and then some, seeing how it's all turned out), but it was no error on her part. She seized her chance and took advantage of his (stupid) laxness. The decent, honest thing to do would have been for her to mention it, seeing as he (stupidly) didn't. She deliberately did not, because it fitted with her agenda.

So, yes, did I say he's been stupid? Of course he has. But she's no innocent victim here.