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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to have a 3rd baby against DH's wishes

999 replies

Babysuprise · 09/01/2017 17:02

DH and I have two lovely children - while I have always wanted more, DH only really wanted one so two was a compromise.

We have had quite heated discussions about having a third and he has always been clear he doesn't want another one.

However, I have just found out I am pregnant. I'm pretty pleased about it as I had resigned myself to just having two, but I know DH will be devastated. I haven't told him yet. AIBU to have this baby anyway?

OP posts:
HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 20:28

Don't spunk in ones vagina if he didn't want more children.

BantyCustards · 09/01/2017 20:29

Larry - could you explain exactly how you think this is 'trickery'?

thatdearoctopus · 09/01/2017 20:29

I'm frankly appalled at the number of people on this thread who can see nothing shady in the OP's actions.

TheThingsWeAdmitOnMN · 09/01/2017 20:29

BabySurprise. Just tell him. No point in waiting & worrying - it won't change anything.

If he starts on at you, remind him that HE was the one who chose not to use a condom. End of.

Thegirlinthefireplace · 09/01/2017 20:31

The mysoginy on this thread is highly depressing. Ditto whoever said they weep for womankind!

ColourfulOrangex · 09/01/2017 20:31

OP have you spoken to your husband yet? Just the longer he knows you have known isn't going to help matters, I hope you both come to a decision soon

MagicMojito · 09/01/2017 20:32

Alot of these responses to OP are ridiculous. The dh has not been "tricked" Hmm at all. Not in the slightest.

The man ejaculated inside his wife whilst fully being aware that she A) was not on any form of contraception B) he was not wearing a condom and C) He had not been circumcised.

There is zero trickery here. He has no right to be pissed with you OP. Two people made this baby. Hes more than entiteled to be frustrated with the situation hes now in because of his actions but he has no right laying the blame at your door.

BantyCustards · 09/01/2017 20:33

I'm appalled that some women still seem to think that men can get their jollies without any consequences whatsoever...

Misstic · 09/01/2017 20:33

Isittime shouldn't a marriage be based on trust? She wanted a baby, he didn't. If it happened by accident that is one thing but to conceive by deception is wrong on her part. To argue otherwise is to say that thd female of the specie can do no wrong.

The OP should have been very clear to her husband that she was not prepared to use contraception so that if he wants to have sex with her, he is basically agreeing to another child. That would have been the honest and ethical thing to do. At least he would know what the deal is and could have decided to not have sex or end the marriage.

I despair at the double standards. No wonder so many no longer take feminism seriously.

Fairenuff · 09/01/2017 20:33

its either condoms or the pull out method. Which works for many people but you have to be on the ball

Grin
slummamumma · 09/01/2017 20:33

good luck babysuprise as you are certainly going to need it

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 20:33

I'm frankly appalled at the number of people on this thread who can see nothing shady in the OP's actions.

He's not a child most men would have got the snip if they were adamant that they didn't want no more. Is the Op to blame is that what your saying. What should she do about it.

Gallavich · 09/01/2017 20:33

He may have believed she was taking the necessary precautions

He knew full well she wasn't

larrygrylls · 09/01/2017 20:33

Banty,

I have no idea why he orgasmed inside her, and the OP is not elaborating. I have no idea what discussion took place before sex and, again, the OP is not elaborating.

How about you tell me why you think a man who really didn't want a child engaged in such risky behaviour? Or even better, if the OP did!

BantyCustards · 09/01/2017 20:35

You have no idea why he came inside her? More to the point why he even penetrated her in the first place...a biology lesson is in order...

JeanLouise123 · 09/01/2017 20:35

misstic where was the deception?

EpoxyResin · 09/01/2017 20:35

I don't think you were deceitful OP. I don't track my periods; why the hell would I? I only give a damn when the last one was if the next one doesn't show up, which has been a pretty big deal the two times it's happened! I've also had unprotected sex outside of a time when me and dp were TTC and thought "morning after pill? Meh, I could handle it if I were pregnant, not gonna put myself out". By the way I've never known anyone base their decision to get the MAP on whether or not it was their "fertile window" or not. If I've had unprotected sex it always crosses my mind. If I DEFINITELY don't want to be pregnant I take it regardless - I've taken it after having unprotected sex ON my period before, so whatever.

Maybe at worst you're guilty of not thinking "maybe dh couldn't handle it if I got pregnant, so perhaps we should discuss it...." but to be honest he could have thought about that at the time of the unprotected sex or, you know, for 72 hours afterwards when HE could have suggested you get the MAP!!

I feel like you're prepared to lose him over this, and I respect that position. What's done is done and you have to do what's right for you.

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 20:36

Larry maybe he just wanted to relieve himself in her vagina. To expect the Op to elaborate more is bit weird. He most probably climbed on top of her and thought of England if they are from here.

Okkitokkiunga · 09/01/2017 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DixieNormas · 09/01/2017 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Tilliii · 09/01/2017 20:37

This is a wind up, surely. Drip feeding and saying very little.

Misstic · 09/01/2017 20:37

The OP's opening post says it all. She knows that she has tricked him. Her guilt and uncertainty are clear.

What's done is done but OP your husband may just decide to follow through and leave. You knew that was a possibility and was willing to run the risk just as your husband ran the risk of impregnating you.

Good luck as this does not sound like a marriage based on a healthy foundation.

BantyCustards · 09/01/2017 20:38

Ollie

How exactly has she bought the car behind his back?

NicknameUsed · 09/01/2017 20:38

I know a couple of women who wanted more children than their husbands did. In both cases it was the women who brought up the children with very little input from the father.

I expect that the husband feels that life is getting back on track now and one, if not both children, are at school, and the last thing he wants is to go back to is disturbed nights/nappies/weaning etc etc. And quite frankly I don't blame him. Children are hard work and not very restful if you like a quiet life.

HorridHenryrule · 09/01/2017 20:38

It is a bit intense on this thread why would she want to engage.