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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to wear clothes for meals?

312 replies

Ollycat · 08/01/2017 18:11

My dh thinks I am VERY unreasonable about this!

I cook every day for my family and all I ask in return is that we eat together at the kitchen table and that we wear clothes (as opposed to a dressing gown).

My husband likes to have a shower and put on his dressing gown (no pj's just dressing gown) and feels I'm VU in my requests that he not eat supper like that.

I don't expect people to wear anything fancy - just clothes as opposed to a gaping dressing gown.

I am cooking a roast tonight and he is in a strop because I asked him to wear clothes. I figure that if I put effort into cooking food he should make some effort back.

So MN AIBU?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
11
SeaCabbage · 08/01/2017 19:31

Everyone is saying pyjamas is fine but the whole point is that the OP's husband is not wearing pyjamas. Confused

lifeisnuts · 08/01/2017 19:31

I think PJs are fine but wouldn't like a gaping dressing gown with nothing underneath. I may be wrong, but I think the dressing gown also symbolises a tough time for the OP too - in that she associates him in a dressing gown with her husband's recovery from alcoholism. Perhaps buy him a nice loungewear set to wear and gently explain how him wearing the dressing gown makes you feel ?

Christmassnake · 08/01/2017 19:31

Bit controlling ...you sound like his mother not lover

Sparrowlegs248 · 08/01/2017 19:33

I don't think yabu. I don't ever understand those who.put pjs on as soon as they get home.

He could shower and the put on clean comfy clothes?

lovelearning · 08/01/2017 19:33

I wore my onesie throughout

NapQueen

Dave would approve

I'm jealous of my children's onesies, says David Cameron

diddl · 08/01/2017 19:34

"I really don't get this pj wearing thing."

Me neither.

Getting home from school or work I changed into comfortable clothes.

pregnantat50 · 08/01/2017 19:34

Good point lifeisnuts I think the dressing gown could well be symbollic of what the Op is going through with her DH recovery,

The thing about people in PJs in the house, I dont mind but I feel a little like the wearer is making a statement, that they are having a lazy day, which is fine but not if it means they will refuse to help out with washing up etc...so to me night clothes on others make me feel a little like they are ready for bed, therefore all chores are left for the clothed one (aka me)

Ragwort · 08/01/2017 19:35

I wouldn't be impressed either, I can't imagine sitting down to eat a meal (except breakfast) in a dressing gown/PJs. I think it is disrespectful and if my DH or teenage DS couldn't be bothered to get dressed for a meal then I couldn't be bothered to cook for them. I often have a bath and put my PJs on after the evening meal and then perhaps sit and watch tv but I don't care about being 'comfortable' - it's just as comfortable to wear tracksuit and a T shirt.

I think it is slobby not to get dressed and if that makes me sound like an old fart - so be it Grin.

Streuth · 08/01/2017 19:36

YANBU!!! You go to the effort of cooking dinner! And he slobs at the table in his dressing gown like some overgrown baby or ageing Hugh Hefner! Eww....

Strongmummy · 08/01/2017 19:36

It's vile and disrespectful to you. To be clear my issue is that he's wearing a gaping dressing gown with nothing underneath. It wouldn't bother me if he were in pjs with dressing gown

Streuth · 08/01/2017 19:37

Does he wear a gold medallion Grin?

1horatio · 08/01/2017 19:37

Well.. at least some pyjama pants!

YANBU. I wouldn't be impressed. Not at all. He can wear heels for a day... then we can see whether he still thinks trousers/joggers whatever are u comfortable!

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 08/01/2017 19:42

YABU.

I really think he, you, should be able to wear what they want in their own home.

There are so many pressures outside the home, it's the one place you can have downtime/dress down should you want to.

BestIsWest · 08/01/2017 19:42

I've just had a bath, put my dressing gown on and eaten the supper DH cooked for me. He seems fine with that.

Purplepicnic · 08/01/2017 19:43

I don't think YABU because for me there's something inherently unhygienic about dressing gowns. They're in contact with naked skin, including your pits and bits, but you don't wash them every time you wear them like you do underwear. Which is OK for the journey between bed and shower or whatever but wearing for hours on end, for several days? Yik.

Yoarchie · 08/01/2017 19:51

I just realised my dh is wearing only a pair of boxers. He just ate dinner in them (us and kids present). Nobody batted an eyelid. In fact he cooked the dinner in the boxers Grin. I ate mine in pJs

Gwenhwyfar · 08/01/2017 19:53

Yes, Yoarchie, but he IS wearing boxers and OP's DH isn't.

MrsHathaway · 08/01/2017 19:53

Dressing gown for OP is symbolic of alcoholism and checking out of family life. Of course she isn't be unreasonable to think that's appropriate attire for Sunday dinner.

I have a horror of being undressed downstairs - it's permitted on Christmas Day only, or if poorly on the sofa. I could no more go downstairs in my nightwear than I could wear it to a meeting. I just can't bear it. I recognise that people like changing early but I avoid uncomfortable clothing as a rule so don't feel compelled to fling it off as soon as I'm through my door.

I do think, though, that underwear ought to be an absolute minimum for the dining table. I mean, standards, ffs.

1horatio · 08/01/2017 19:54

I just realized that DH and I have both eaten breakfast in underwear-ish attire in summer. Oops 🙊

Anyhow, yes, it's his home. But it's his home as well. Both people should feel comfortable. So, compromiiise...

MrsHathaway · 08/01/2017 19:55

Oh for the love of ...

Of course she isn't be unreasonable to think that's appropriate attire for Sunday dinner.

should read

Of course she isn't being unreasonable to think that that's inappropriate attire for Sunday dinner.

MrsHathaway · 08/01/2017 19:56

Quite, horatio.

I'd say a pair of pants would be a minimum compromise. If he refused even that then I wouldn't dish up for him, tbh.

1horatio · 08/01/2017 20:00

mrs

Yup, exactly. if the OP takes the time to cook he can at least take the time to put on pants. Anything else is incredibly disrespectful and just disregards her need for (emotional) comfort. Being comfortable physically doesn't trump the need to feel comfortable emotionally.

Artandco · 08/01/2017 20:20

We often eat in pjs here. We don't eat dinner super early so often bath or shower at weekends before eating

We are all in pjs now after long baths. Everyone is getting over this rotten cold also so it's been a day indoors in pjs snoozing and relaxing, baths and clean pjs. Dh has been baking earlier in just pj bottoms.

melj1213 · 08/01/2017 20:22

I have a horror of being undressed downstairs - it's permitted on Christmas Day only, or if poorly on the sofa. I could no more go downstairs in my nightwear than I could wear it to a meeting.

lol I am the opposite - my bathroom is downstairs so more often than not I will get in from work, drop my bag in the lounge, kick my shoes off onto the rack in the hallway then get undressed in the bathroom and throw clothes into the washing machine right next to the door, have a shower, put on PJs that are on the radiator and then do my evening routine ... in the morning, I bring my clothes downstairs, have breakfast, get dressed in the bathroom (with PJs either going on the radiator for the evening, or in the washing machine) wash/brush teeth etc, put on shoes and grab bag and walk out of the door.

The only time I'm really dressed in my house is just before going out, just after coming in or if I'm home during the day but will be going out again later. I tend to stay in pjs or lounge clothes until I am going out as there's less chance of spilling something or whatever and then in the evening, once I've had my shower and in my PJs it's basically the signal that I'm setled in for the evening and have no plans to go out again unless there's an emergency.

keekaw · 08/01/2017 20:25

Omg. Don't cook for him if he can't be arsed to get dressed.