To ask how not to be frumpy

[Moomoomango]

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

Oh, I wasn't talking about this picture specifically.

It's just my impression of her style in general. But maybe I'm wrong ;)

I tend to wear the same every day as it's simpler.
If it's going out it would be boots (black suede colour) up to the knee with heels and zip up side (obviously not if I have a long walk); black pencil skirt with belt (as I go out, in, out so not a bad look on me) and some kind of top. Often hang around at home in thick black tights, lycra skirt and vest top and cardigan as it's comfortable but feels good to me.
I usually don't wear make up and have never needed to but might for a special event or special work thing.

Everyone should just decide what matters to them and then proceed as feels best. There are no right or wrongs in this.

Most of the day I work at home and I don't wear shoes. Many many many days I don't put shoes on once actually. On holiday never week my main plan is 3 hour walks barefoot on a beach. That doesn't mean I don't wear high heels in other contexts when I choose.

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/564x/39/d2/7d/39d27d7f95cd469d1ab106d2e8699566.jpg That look someone posts above is a bit like mine although I am fatter (just under 10 stone) so more Barbara Windsor in Carry on Camping. The large breasts are a burden, always have been from when I was 14.

following. I know this sounds silly but I never know how to find clothes that fit me properly I am such an awkward shape - very bottom heavy size 10. nothing seems to fit me properly!

I always find make up, well conditioned hair and gel nail polish makes me feel as together as I get!

I quite like that, enormous, wish I could wear it to the office.

Shellac nails in neutral colours, natural makeup (takes 5 mins), always get up 30 mins before children to shower, wash hair if needed and get dressed. Lay clothes out night before. Haircut and colour every 8 weeks. Clean, flattering clothes and a spritz of perfume. Just little things make you feel better - if I go out in slough joggers and a hoody I feel a bit crap, but if I wear nice jeans, boots, top and long cardigan that match I feel more human even if I've been up all night with a poorly child or have a nasty cold. Exercise and minimal alcohol are great for skin.

Personally it does have a lot to do with weight (and big boobs) for me. I feel frumpy much more easily (or the dreaded 'mumsy') when I need to lose a few stone pounds.

But I do think you can try and work with what you've got. I had an important meeting today and wore a semi fitted 3/4 sleeve shift dress with a long pendant, opaques and - most importantly - ankle boots. I was delighted to see that the two (much thinner and in one case younger) women I met with were dressed similarly including the boots, this made me feel great.

I know I still looked fatter than I'd have liked but I actually felt stylish (and not frumpy) because I'd made an effort. If I'd worn the same dress with eg court shoes or ballet pumps I don't think the effect would have been the same.

I don't think being frumpy has anything to do with being fat, it's more what you wear. I am a mum and always wear make up and heels. Completely impractical but I like them.
Well fitted clothes work well, wrap dresses always look amazing on the more voluptuous among us. (I on the other hand look like the poster on a different thread's husband in his gaping dressing gown if I attempt to wear one).

"Tbh, this thread has made me realize that whilst I do like shopping, doing my hair, skincare, shoes' jewelry etc.. I'd never be uncomfortable or cold on a (semi) daily basis for fashion/non-frumpiness."

This is the issue. I often see fashionable women when I'm out shopping and feel jealous then angry with myself for not making more of an effort. Then I think about the practicality of what they're wearing. Leather jackets, for example, look nice, but I'd be freezing in one in the winter. I feel the cold so I have to have a big coat and lots of layers that make me look like a Michelin woman, no choice about it. Similarly, I walk everywhere so I can't wear heels and I can't wear revealing clothing because I'd feel too uncomfortable. So while I may see a woman walking past with a nice jacket and a wiggle because of her high heels and tight jeans, I couldn't do that so I'll just have to accept that I'm me I suppose.

I was chairing a law course recently (and was looking at the women lawyers speaking and the men of course but they have less of a burden imposed on them by societal expectations over clothes - most men had cufflinks not b uittons and most wore a tie with their suit but not all and all except one man wore a suit). Only one woman worse flat ankle boots and good for her but it did stand out. It means she can walk easily to the event. It didn't quite work as a look for that environment but so what? We need women to break the mould. I often deliberately don't wear make up at those kinds of events because I don't see why I should be spending even 5 minutes before hand putting stuff on my face rather than reading the latest law cases like the men who will be turning up.

I don't think flat ankle boots (or even heeled ones) look that good with a skirt or dress if you are trying to be smart as there is a cut off at the ankle and it sort of spoils the line of the leg bu in the grand scheme of things, world poverty, war and all the rest, never mind getting women to the top of the legal profession never mind all the other careers it's neither here nor there. it is also good to see so many female lawyers in trousers these days too. Some of them do a very smart look in a trouser suit and it is as simple as the men pulling on a suit too.

However to be non sexist one of my teenage boys is very interested in clothes and looks (and is probably the most artistic in terms of looks and appearance and what look goods) people in the family and he's male so I will try to be gender neutral on this.

I’m a 40 year old single mum to 2 working full time. It's so hard being a woman isn't it, but I suppose I try whenever I can to make myself look presentable.

I’m a Size 8 but I do make a lot of effort to maintain a healthy body and lifestyle. Every week I do this at home in my lounge, apart from running:

-3x resistance training (30 mins each) by Kayla Itsines
-2x HIIT sessions (25 mins) by watching Body Coach on YouTube
-A 5K – 10K run every other week

I exercise at home with my children around - no need to join the gym! Invest in a few fitness equipment e.g. dumbbells, medicine ball, a step. Join online communities like Body Coach forum for inspiration and support. Seeing the results is so motivating!

I avoid or at least cut down on crisps, sugar, salt, processed foods, biscuits, chocolate and alcohol. I've seen and heard overweight women moan about their weight whilst munching on a pizza or scoffing down doughnuts - it doesn't make any sense. Snack on veg and fruits instead, eg carrot sticks etc. I find drinking 2L water makes my skin look hydrated and healthy. Eating and cooking healthily means my children benefit from it too. It's not so much about quantity or eating less, but eating a lot more quality meals. They still get treats as long as it's in reasonable quantities.

Losing weight and then maintaining your ideal weight should ideally be a gradual long term and ongoing process. No shortcuts.

Being slim and healthy, I must admit I’m able to try on any dress, jeans, jumper etc and feel fantastic! I know many of you will disagree, but that’s simply how it makes me look and feel.

Re make up - keep a simple routine, practice applying make-up quickly. I think mascara and lipstick is sufficient. Bare Minerals powder is so easy to apply – just brush, brush and that’s it!

gwen

I live in London, where it doesn't really get cold (imo). So, moving to a country with moderate temperatures has actually really lead to an 'increase in stylishness'. ;)

enormous

My.. well, not new year's resolution (I don't really have those...), but my decision for the new year was to come up with comfortable and office appropriate outfits.
One of (imo) best looks I've 'come up with' (found online... ) is a dress with boots. A bit like the woman in the photo.

I feel more self-confident and happier. I was kind of surprised :)

im also 29 with 3 dcs 7,4 and 9months.

when ds's were 5 and 1 their dad left me for a 19 year old he had been shagging. she was smaller than me etc and obv had more time to spend on how she looked. i was at the time a size 22. id convinced myself I wasnt destined to be slight, was happy etc and outwardly was "the loud funny one". I wore little to no make up and wore what was flattering.. which was neither what I wanted to wear nor what was on trend.

Dickheads actions whilst unpleasant were a huge catalyst for me. I lost 7 stones (and counting) Im now a size 12 to 14, wear make up almost daily (out of choice not societal conformity, i genuinely enjoy playing around with my look), and invest money in my hair and appearance generally. I have a new partnerand baby, and find it really liberating to be pleased to get dressed.

I dont say all that to be braggy or whatever but more because its a state of mind thing... you dont have to dress like a supermodel to be happy more you just need to be happy with what you are wearing. it really does give you such confidence.

my starting points were to buy a really nice well fitting coat, and some 'target' clothes, and to make time to do things for myself.

my life really is unrecognisable, and its more about my head than my weight confidence and happiness shine out of you.

Horatio that's a nice outfit for work. Knit dresses with flat boots are nice too and practical for taking kids to soft play. For a bit of fun, have a browse on Pinterest for outfit ideas for busy mums. Lots of ideas!

"layercake9

Horatio that's a nice outfit for work. Knit dresses with flat boots are nice too and practical for taking kids to soft play. For a bit of fun, have a browse on Pinterest for outfit ideas for busy mums. Lots of ideas!"

Re the main photograph - ugh to the blingy jewellery and the hideous BIG watch.

In contrast:

thefervour.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/alexa-chung-video-10-vogue-15sep15-grab-joe-b.jpg

Pure style and effortless chic.

lol okay let's take off the huge watch and necklace, the overall outfit is simple and quick to put together.

The shoes are nice.

Oooh yes pussybow tops/blouses/dresses are very pretty and effortless.

"layercake9

Oooh yes pussybow tops/blouses/dresses are very pretty and effortless."

It's nice to wear something which might otherwise be classed as formal, in an informal way. Ditching the clunky jewellery is good.

Anyway, why on earth would people need to look at Pinterest to get ideas for what to wear? You should have confidence in your own sense of style. I have never really seen the point of Pinterest. Using it slavishly is weird.

Jeans, shirt, jumper, shoes. So far, so cutting edge...

The photo above.

Well, Cara. That 'pure style and effortless chic' is not something I could wear to the office. It's very nice yes. But also extremely casual.

I wouldn't wear the big necklace either. It reminds me of a dog collar, tbh... ;)
I just wanted to demonstrate that boots can imo be office appropriate and appropriately stylish ;)

Oh god no no I don't "slavishly" look at it, just looking in the same that you'd buy Cosmo or fashion magazines, that's all. Just browsing. The key is to look effortless rather than overdressed/trying too hard.

Of course I have my own style - smart casual and practical when on mummy duties, and Ted Baker suits, LK Bennett, Reiss or Hobbs etc etc at work. I work I'm in an investment bank surrounded by power dressers

Oooops typed too quickly. I meant to say "I work in..."