Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask how not to be frumpy

377 replies

Moomoomango · 08/01/2017 11:54

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
CaraAspen · 10/01/2017 12:29

"Patriciathestripper1

Go and get your hair done
Buy some new clothes that fit you well
Buy some nice shoes (not drab flats. )
Put on a bit of mascara and Lippy.
Have a girls night out without the kids and ban kid talk."

Flats do not have to be "drab"! I wear pointed flats and they are my thing. Zara is often full of shoes like that.

CaraAspen · 10/01/2017 12:32

Pointed flats which are a court style, I mean.

mickeyjohn · 10/01/2017 12:37

I am so bad at boots! Can someone post some non frumpy ankle boots that would look good with skinny jeans?? Not too high heel as I'm already very tall!

1horatio · 10/01/2017 12:58

Paxman

I agree. I'm surprised so many people on this thread suggest skirts with ankle boots. It can look lovely but often ends up looking a bit stumpy in my personal opinion.

Flats can be cute, stylish, bohemian chic or even kind of rock-chic. Depending on the style of the woman wearing it... there's no need to wear heels...

Are court shoes pumps?

CaraAspen · 10/01/2017 12:58

Daily make up is pretty much essential. Of course it is. All women look better in make up.

Imo, it's not about a slick of lip gloss and mascara - it's about drawing attention to the eyes, properly. Use eye shadow, too, not just mascara. Your eyes should be your best feature and people look into them!!

Mine are green and I use a definite mid-green colour on the lids, not a lot, and it is blended in well. I use mascara on the top lashes only and I accentuate the lower part of the eye by using a thickish line of deep, sludgy green from the centre out to the corner. Blended - but not too much. It is in lieu of eyeliner which I dislike.

1horatio · 10/01/2017 13:10

I don't always wear eyemakeup. I may sound conceited, but I just don't think I need it. Shrug (yup, that does make me sound like a conceited cow. Oops)

Some concealer, dark brown mascara, a wash of light eyed as how and a tighline is enough. and brushed eyebrows.
chubby stick for the lips and maaaybe some bb cream and light highlighter (not the glittery kind!) on the cheekbones. That's a lot of makeup imo Blush

If I do use makeup I like neutral colours. Something a bit darker for the crease, precise eye liner, something light in the corners and something lighter on the the lid.

And for formal events it's either dramatic eyemakeup or strong lipstick imo.

But I agree with the mascara. I never put it on the lower lashes. I just apply some dark brown or black grey Kayla or eyeliner (the one you get from a jar).

CaraAspen · 10/01/2017 13:13

I dislike that crazy highlighted and shadowed face thing.

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/ae/79/5a/ae795a67c713c00cecc0d99665643256.jpg

1horatio · 10/01/2017 13:15

Doesn't everybody over twenty? Idk. But I think it makes people look drag-queen-ish (not that drag queens aren't fabulous).

Especially if there's a lot of highlighting, an instagram brow and strong lipstick...

CaraAspen · 10/01/2017 13:16

Think it's called "contouring". Awful.

1horatio · 10/01/2017 13:19

Why don't they do face yoga? It's better... Confused

RosyGold · 10/01/2017 13:28

I always feel better with my hd brows done and an eyeliner flick - the rest of my makeup is pretty slap-dash and questionable - no time or inclination for contouring with a one-year-old hanging off my arm and trying to smash my palettes... 😑🙄

Must say all I ever wear is leggings and a t-shirt - I'm much lazier since becoming a mum and rarely "dress up" since the only place I go is the supermarket lol! I bought myself one of those bomber jackets in a gorgeous rose gold/blush pink colour so that's easy to fling on over my shitty tees and I can look vaguely stylish lol!

I've got a couple of pairs of expensive Nike trainers so I can run errands comfortably and still look young (I'm nearly 27, should I give up yet?!) my hair is one massive dreadlocks as I never brush it (I do like the bed head look) if I can be arsed I'll run the straighteners through it but rarely bother because it only get ripped out my the demon one-year-old WinkHmm

SilentBatperson · 10/01/2017 13:30

Why wouldn't you make an effort for your partner? Nothing to do with the 1950s, more common sense. A partner (male/female/whatever) is not a flatmate. No one is suggesting wearing curlers all day and whipping off an apron as the dh comes home in the evening, but washing hair and occasionally losing the fleece is not too much of a stretch.

Doesn't this presuppose that the DH both gives a shit and doesn't like fleeces, though? Or similarly unpolished item- trackies, old t shirt etc. I don't even own a fleece, but I do own a DH who couldn't be less interested in what I wear in the house and who would probably still shag me if I hadn't washed for a fortnight (not a stealth boast, he just has very low standards).

I don't really have a horse in this race as me and him are both fairly middling maintenance, not least as we're both in professional jobs where you have to make a vague though not immense effort. Just seems odd to assume that everyone's partner is fussed about what they look like clothed around the house. I thought not being arsed about what you wear, just about you removing it was a pretty common attitude in a man!

SoOverItNow · 10/01/2017 13:33

So many messages on this thread saying completely different things...
One woman's frump is another's stylish!

What are the women at softplay wearing? Why don't you ask them how they look so together?

To answer ops question what simple routines? When mine were little I used to do the following to make myself feel human/ok.

Shower in the morning and moisturise.
Pull hair into low ponytail. I think classic, some would say frump.
Concealer, mascara, light eyeshadow to make me look more awake
Take a multivitamin
Walk everywhere
Clothes were simple functional and basic. Skinny jeans, coloured top, navy short jackets, scarf, earrings, tennis shoes or brogues.
Classic leather bag.

I looked ok. Not stylish. Bit of an effort, not too mumsy. Doable.. but then I think overgroomed can look frumpy in a US newsreader way.

It's just opinion.

Tanaqui · 10/01/2017 13:50

I liked all the knee boot pics you posted Horatio.

I also think frumpy is a state of mind, more than a specific look (and one that is a specific put down to women, like mumsy).

To me, if you are dressed appropriately for what you are doing, you are unlikely to look frumpy. Then, just pick clothes you like! And, if you are anything like me, wear them rather than save them for best!

PickAChew · 10/01/2017 14:03

Warm, dry legs are not underrated, IMO :)

Same goes for footwear I can wear without pain.

PickAChew · 10/01/2017 14:04

Not overrated, that should say.

PickAChew · 10/01/2017 14:08

Surrey, I'm wearing these, right now. With some memory foam arch supports, I can walk miles in them and the soles are nice and stable, so I don't fall over in them (I have HMS and my feet are knackered)
www.amazon.co.uk/d/Womens-Shoes/Camel-Active-Rhiannon-Womens-Leather/B00TV31EUC/ref=sr_1_17?s=shoes&ie=UTF8&qid=1484057151&sr=1-17&keywords=camel+active+boots

PickAChew · 10/01/2017 14:11

These are my extremely warm knee high boots - now on their 3rd winter!
www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B005ERP644/ref=oh_aui_search_detailpage?ie=UTF8&psc=1

1horatio · 10/01/2017 14:11

Tbh, this thread has made me realize that whilst I do like shopping, doing my hair, skincare, shoes' jewelry etc.. I'd never be uncomfortable or cold on a (semi) daily basis for fashion/non-frumpiness.

I mean, I obviously like the fact that knee high boots work with my body type (in my opinion at least Grin). But yeah, I agree, being warm, having non-blistery feet and being less likely to have back problems when I'm older are all certainly not overrated.

PickAChew · 10/01/2017 14:15

I'd just look like I'd completely lost my marbles and forgotten to put my trousers on, in that dress Alexa Chung is wearing, Cara. Plus, with my 32GG, it would be nothing short of matronly on me.

1horatio · 10/01/2017 14:25

I know, many women (especially in the U.K., I've come to learn) really like Alexa Chung's style. I'm a bit Hmm about it, tbh. I'm not saying it doesn't work for her, but I think adapting anything she wears will only work for very few women.

Btw, Dune has nice boots and so has russel and bromley (I know, some may say a bit matronly? But they're good quality and I like their riding boots:) )

febel · 10/01/2017 15:14

Agreed...definately well cut hair, coloured if you want. Don't drag it all back all the time in a scraped ponytail. Personally, even when mine were tiny, I always wore make up...but that is because I am very pale and feel better with a touch of make up.

I am q slim (no, it's not just luck it's watching portions, what I eat and getting sufficient exercise, be it with a pushchair, in the park , walking dogs, doing housework or doing gym...the lattter I didn't do when they were small as couldn't afford, had no childcare and was too busy!) I agree though, slimness isn't everything...posture and general turn out is (Dawn French always seems to look amazing...but again...good haircut)

Personally I like to be a little in touch with current fashion but that doesn't matter if your clothes are clean, well fitting, not missing buttons etc and you WEAR A GOOD BRA! Don't slob about in old trainers, old jeans, oversized tops...it looks slobby..ok at home but you won't feel pulled together and smart if you are out. I find good boots/shoes make me feel more pulled together.

Finally...confidence in you is everything and can overcome everything...difficult though I know when you feel a frump. Have a look at on line bloggers for fashion..those your age (roughly) and your financial circumstances (though there's always second hand/e bay/make or alter clothes) Shop on line...you can always send it back! Will give you an idea of your style. Everyone I think has times when they feel out of touch and slobby...the trick is to do something about it if it bothers you.

Ok..it wasn't quite finally above...I just wanted to say I'm sure you don't look as bad as you think...because you are making an effort to smarten up. I do think some mums nowadays are over smart though...after all you do still want to be able to run about with your kids and have fun...and you can't do that in some high fashion, dry clean items and smart high heels!

anotheryearcomesandgoes · 10/01/2017 17:52

I know, many women (especially in the U.K., I've come to learn) really like Alexa Chung's style. I'm a bit hmm about it, tbh. I'm not saying it doesn't work for her, but I think adapting anything she wears will only work for very few women.

That alexa chung dress is orla kiely I think. I wear a lot of Orla Kiely- fabulous fabrics . Pretty much suitable for 18-80 as they do a range of dresses in the same fabric but different shapes for different body shapes. They also usually do 2 lengths so old people like me can cover their knees.