To ask how not to be frumpy

[Moomoomango]

I feel like total mum frump. I'm overweight (working on it) I rarely put on make up and I generally feel like a frump. I'm only 29, two children 5&1. Please tell me how mums at soft play look so put together and gorgeous- whilst I am just straggling along delighted we've made it out the house? What simple routines / things should I do / buy to look less frumpy?!

Mint velvet. So comfortable and stylish. Good hairdresser. Be kind to yourself. You have Young children.

White Stuff yummy

I'm not allowed to wear jeans for work - have to look quite smart/ professional, so what are my optons to avoid frumpiness? My work trousers are all black or navy, mostly M&S, Next or Boden. Very boring and functional. I have two pencil skirts from Jaegar which I wear with black knee high boots or court shoes depending on the weather, but have just learned on here that black leather knee high boots are a no-no.

For tops I tend to go for Jaegar or Phase Eight. I cannot wear Button up shirts as have a wide back and huge boobs.

Clearly at work I am frumpiness personified! How can I be trendy and funky rather than frumpy, without being too edgy as my boss would have a fit! Also, I'm 50....

I bought some nice tops from Oasis today. Loose enough to cover the Mum tum but pretty.

I always think that as long as my hair and makeup are on point then I'm sorted. I too am (very) overweight, and I always aim for stylish but practical clothes. Asos curve is fantastic 😃👌👍

I'm enormously vain, love my clothes and spend far too much time on Style and Beauty. Yet I never paint my nails or have my eyebrows threaded or blowdry my hair or dye the greys. I wear flat shoes and only shave my legs in the summer. I sometimes feel quite uneasy at the way some pretty high maintenance grooming practices are becoming mainstream.

I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this but I think what I'm trying to say is that fashion and playing with your appearance are supposed to be fun. If they make people feel inadequate or anxious then there's something wrong. My advice is, pick out the bits you enjoy, spend your time on them and stuff the rest. And if none of it gives you any pleasure, then do something else. Life is far too short.

Not read the whole thing. But weight does not = frumpy. Check out vintage styles, Hell Bunny, Voodoo Vixen etc.

I am only 27 and I am the same, I have just learned to live with it, this is who I am and my DH and DD love me, no one else's opinion matters.

Get your hair cut into an easy to manage style. Get a personal shopper to help you buy some clothes that you feel good in (the service is free). Acknowledge that you're a different shape and get clothes that fit you now. I find anything with a high neck really frumpy so I tend to wear v or boat necks, embrace your cleavage. Jeans can be mega frumpy so be careful to choose some flattering ones which are not up to the waist. Shop in Topshop etc for the odd bits and pieces (if you can). It's tricky if you are big as specialist shops tend to err on the frumpy side. Buy a decent bra. Get measured in Bravissimo or Debenhams etc. Even a charity shop version of a makeover will make you feel so much better. I don't wear jeans much as I prefer skirts and dresses so go with what you like not what others think. And trust me, a non iron top is much better than one that does!

Trained stylist/image consultant here! I'm also a stressed single mum at the moment, so I know how hard it is, but I would recommend the following tips:

• always having a quality, mega-glossy dye or tint on your hair can take years off (even if you don't need to cover roots), as nothing is more frumpy than lifeless, mousey hair. If you can't afford to keep your hair looking great, apply to be a hair model for someone like Headmasters or Wella Studios and you can get it done by qualified hairdressers learning new techniques for free or very cheaply.

• Be true to yourself! If you really feel more 'you' in comfy clothes, go for trendy, attractive, casual or sporty clothes rather than normal exercise stuff. Wonder fit jeans from Asda, which come in several colours, are THE most comfortable, stretchy, skinny jeans out there - and ridiculously cheap too. If you're going for trainers, go for the new funky metallic ones or a pair of converse and do NOT think you can get away with wearing your stinky gym shoes!!

• Even basic makeup works wonders ie lips, cheeks and mascara, if that's all you have time for - as these stop us looking like a corpse first thing in the morning!

• If you feel fat and frumpy, yes, you can go to the gym, start a diet etc, but you can also CHEAT! 😃 Wearing underwear like Lytess girdles takes about 4 inches off my thighs and tummy when I wear them. No idea where the fat goes, but your silhouette looks amazing and you feel ultra-confident!!

I could go on, but I hope some of those practical tips help. Xxx

The weight thing is tricky- of course one can look stylish in a larger size but it takes much more effort- easy options like jumper, tshirt and flats aren't necessarily that great if you are bigger (I speak from experience). Wearing a fleece or whatever also looks much better if you are slim and generally fit and outdoorsy looking. I also think that, if you feel you're bigger than you want to be, it can be hard to get past that- of course it would be marvellous if we could all accept ourselves as we are but for many people, feeling overweight and unfit is miserable and permeates everything. Can you do some exercise? I find that helps with weight loss and with raising your spirits.

I would also caution against asking for a low maintenance hairstyle unless you really trust your hairdresser, or risk getting a cut that doesn't suit and is too short. Better to think what you'd actually like.

Threads like this always baffle me. I wouldn't have the first clue what clothes are 'stylish' and TBH I don't even really know what stylish means. Fashionable? (Not that I understand that either) Popular? Nice? (Subjective)

Where do people learn this stuff from? How do you know when something that was previously deemed stylish becomes frumpy?

Be your best you!

Good skincare, hair in good condition, eyebrows under control etc. If you get a low maintenamaint haircut make sure you discuss what low maintenance actually means to you because I asked for that once and got told at the end, "Now that'll only take you 10 minutes in the morning!" I meant, "I have time to brush it!"

I agree with those who suggested Mrs Gloss & the goss on Facebook. Also try wearing a statement colour lipstick. Dramatic red lipstick makes me look like I've made far more effort than I have!

Over the weight thing, I'm afraid the reason I look frumpy when I am larger is the matronly busom. It's not just the size, it's the wideness and the fact your waist is no longer defined. I saw some photos of myself recently and was shocked by the frumpiness. It wasn't the hair, or the slight double-chin, it was the busom. I, for one, do look less frumpy thinner.

Agree with Lubilooloo. Doesn't matter what size you are, just be/feel the best you can be, it is different for everyone. I love to be comfortable, so when I get home from work, I have a lovely hot bath/shower and put on loungewear - I love M & S Autograph which I often nab in the sales. I always put make-up on every morning,even if I am staying in, just makes me feel better. A good haircut helps but also long, clean hair tied up is great as you can let loose when you have an occasion or go out. Been married many years and hubby loves it that I look after myself but says matters not as he would love me any way. I do it for me, makes me feel like ME. Xx

the weight thing is sad.

"Gok Wans how to look good naked book is great for figuring out what shape you are and how to dress for that shape."

Gok Wan just puts all overweight women into 50s tea dresses. It does look nice, but is not really practical for walking down your local high street.

Some less mentioned suggestions from a fellow frump regresser....

1. Exercise. It doesn't matter if it makes a jot of difference to your weight but it will help time up and the endorphins you get make a massive difference. 20 mins on a high heart rate DVD will make a difference and baby/toddler will probably either laugh or join in.

1. Take a multivitamin with Vit D in at this time of year. It has the liquid sunshine we miss out on in this country at this time of year and an iron boost will help keep your energy levels up.

1. Bare minerals tinted primer. Takes 15 seconds to apply all over your face and makes it look like you've had 4 hours more sleep. Run lip balm over your lips then a finger with balm on over your eyebrows to stick them closer to the line they might keep if you'd got around to shaping them.

Then look at the other clothes/style ideas if you have the energy!!!

I don't think low maintenance hair always has to be short. To me, it just means working with whatever you've got. I might like the idea of a long, straight style but I'd have to fight my hair every single day to get that. It seems pointless and it wouldn't do my hair any good either.

"I don't think outdoorsy / rural can ever be truly trendy but it's never frumpy either! grin"

Sorry, but I think outdoorsy in town can be frumpy. It's often just not very feminine. I do a bit of this myself because I can't stand being cold. I can't find a properly warm hat that looks OK. I have to wear ones from outdoor adventure shops rather than 'fashion' shops and it does make me look frumpy.

Go and get your hair done
Buy some new clothes that fit you well
Buy some nice shoes (not drab flats. )
Put on a bit of mascara and Lippy.
Have a girls night out without the kids and ban kid talk.

Can I ask what is "getting your colours done"? Have seen it referred to a few times here. Is it something to do with hair?

weight has nothing to do with it.the tiniest waif can slump and wear shitty clothes ad so look frumped. next to her can be the larger lady and she can be smiling sitting up feeling good or even just ok and look beautiful.
its you. its how you feel.your looking at the woman wanting what they have because you don't think you have it. gaurentee if you were done up like them youd find fault. think you looked worse. hate it.
its about you.
some woman with a smile look better than a miserable so and so in full glam outwear.
fake it til you make it even. just smile.think this is me and I'm gonna make me be ok. your not those woman.so how do you want to be,what do you like to wear and what makeup makes you think "ooh pretty." and go get it.
embrace it.
I no woman who look gorgeous in loungewear.better than they do indresses and vice versa.its so individual.
of course there are the little things. you can get love moisterisers now with added shimmers.and the pale pink lip glosses are nice.and a bit of gold hew eyeshadows always looks really pretty.
what tops do you like? what type of jumpers and trousers. go and really look in the shop. don't walk around thinking what others would look like or what you should be finding.go find you.

Woohoo we've gained some new glossers on Facebook!! You'll love it on there.

Good haircut, roots done if coloured, eyebrows threaded, light 'natural' make-up, always moisturise. Wear properly fitting bra and knickers, good-quality staples like skinny jeans, thick leggings, tunics, cardigans, knee-length skirts, boots, sandals, etc. If money is tight, go for good quality second-hand designer or high-end High Street clothes- far better than cheap new shite from Primani. Always washed and ironed. Always make time for yourself- you deserve it. And lose the weight.