Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel my sil has insulted my child

202 replies

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 10:30

Grrrrrr. I'm so angry. Last night we went to my future pil to celebrate our engagement. My son came along too. My fiancée was playing with my son and my son was trying to say dada. My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up. For reference my son is mixed race and my fiancée is white so yes it is obvious he's not his dad but why say it?

My fiancée told her to shut up and his parents looked shocked. Anyway the night went on and all was fine. Aibu to feel she's insulted my child?

OP posts:
Booshbeesh · 09/01/2017 21:44

Ur future husband sticks up for u when someone is rude to u/ur children no wonder ur emgaged to him! Congratulations on ur forever after xxxx

Original poster
BlueParrott · 09/01/2017 22:29

Thanks Patricia from what I've heard he definitely is not at home knitting! I'm offended by some views on this post but most have been supportive and I'm aware I'll get some resistance to the situation as it's unusual x

OP posts:
burblish · 10/01/2017 01:21

OP, I'm horrified on your behalf at some of the extraordinarily judgmental attitudes on this post. As long as you and your fiancé are comfortable with, and agree on, whatever you choose for your DS to call him, it's nobody else's business. Your SIL is an interfering bitch; I hope your fiancé puts her in her place for what she has said to and about you.

FluffyEwok · 10/01/2017 09:13

Agreed Burb. However, dont take this the wrong way, but does sil think youre the type to dig her claws in and get someone for your son to call dad? Does she think youre the type who needs a man? I say this because people do tend to jump to these conclusions often with little basis!

grannytomine · 10/01/2017 09:22

My husband didn't want to be called dad, he wanted our children to call him by his first name and he is the same with grandchildren. They all started off calling him by his first name but by about 3 they were all calling him dad. He gave up the fight. He is there biological father, he just likes being called by his name. Children sometimes make their own decisions.

grannytomine · 10/01/2017 09:25

Your future SIL was rude but I think letting a young child call a man you've been in relationship for just over 12 months Dad (even if you're engaged) is problematic. Some people have a biological child within 12 months of meeting and the man will be referred to as dad even if it isn't the baby that is doing it.

Original poster
BlueParrott · 10/01/2017 11:57

Thanks for your comments. Fluffy I do think she's concerned I'm getting my claws in as my fiancé has his own business. I have no interest in that and work four days a week myself and I'll always work. With regards to always needing a man it's none of her business if I do or don't.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 10/01/2017 12:03

Is your df planning on adopting your ds? If not, then I would think long and hard about letting him be 'dad' to your little boy.

Blu · 10/01/2017 13:00

Has your SIL (to be) cloned herself into many MN users, OP?

MrsFinkelstein · 10/01/2017 13:58

I don't understand the posters saying this relationship is "rushed" into? They knew each other before getting together, they have been together for a year, now they're engaged.

I could see the point if they got engaged after 2 weeks, but it's been a year! More than long enough to know whether you want to commit to being together. They're not teenagers fgs.
Jeezo there are some horrible judgemental comments on this thread.
OP, I would avoid your future SIL , she just sounds like a nasty person.
Your fiancé has obviously committed to you and your son, he is the "Dad", being a parent isn't just to do with biology.

Original poster
BlueParrott · 10/01/2017 18:49

Thanks for your comments. He does have plans to adopt my son yes. Blu lol my sil is very judgemental it would seem.

He has spoken to her again today and she told him she does have a problem with me (never!). According to her this is because I slept with someone she fancied and yes I was pregnant at the time which she disagrees with. Apparently now all because of me this man will never be interested in her! FFs 2 years ago I didn't know sil and was single! My fiancé has told her to get over it

OP posts:
FluffyEwok · 10/01/2017 22:04

Op im not being awful and i think sil is BU but can you see why shes concerned?

MissStein · 10/01/2017 23:38

Fluffy, is it because the sil is an immature vindictive cow who cant get over the fact that two years ago a man chose the op over her, and now is trying to wreck the happy engagement of her own brother in order to exact some sort of revenge upon op?

Oswin · 10/01/2017 23:45

She's a spiteful jealous fucker.

Fluffy she isn't concerned, she's just jealous of the op.

Op a lot of posters here are judgemental of woman who have sex with more than one man.

saffronwblue · 10/01/2017 23:52

I do think what is important for your forthcoming marriage is a lot of clarity about your fiance's role in your son's life. Is he planning to take on a life-long parental role? It is hard with such a little child to hold back on him.
If so, then his family need to get on board and accept your DS as part of their family.

Benedikte2 · 11/01/2017 00:22

Well, Saffron, if he is planning to adopt the wee boy, I'd say he IS planning to take on a life-long parental role!
The Fiance has clearly accepted this baby and in becoming engaged to the OP has committed to both her and her DS so why the angst about the DS calling him dad? I've known long term foster children begging to be able to call their foster parents mum and dad not only because they are fond of them but because they want to be like the other kids at school.
Children do not read as much into a name as some adults like to think.
Good luck Op. I hope the 3 of you will be very happy

MangosteenSoda · 11/01/2017 00:43

You probably need to start thinking about what you do want your son to call your fiancé because he's going to start speaking soon.

I know a couple who got together while the female partner was pregnant, baby also mixed race and male partner (very) white. In their case, his name went on birth certificate and he has been the legal and only father of the child all her life. Bio father has never been involved. Unusual, but it's worked out well for them as they are a very happy family. I don't think anyone finds it confusing.

FluffyEwok · 11/01/2017 09:11

Im genuinely not being rude and ive said sil is out of order but i can understand her concerns despite the fact shes going about it the wrong way!

QueenMortificado · 11/01/2017 09:14

Fluffy she isn't concerned, she's just jealous of the op.

Oh come on, we are not at school. It's ok to have different opinions without being accused of jealousy Confused

Gini99 · 11/01/2017 10:27

In their case, his name went on birth certificate and he has been the legal and only father of the child all her life. Mangosteen do you mean that they lied on the birth certificate (as opposed to e.g. step-parent adoption)? You can't just choose who to put down, it's a criminal offence to give false information and you can't make someone the legal father just by lying on the birth certificate. Apologies if I have misunderstood.

MangosteenSoda · 11/01/2017 11:03

As I understand it, they put the non-bio dad on the bc with the consent of the bio dad. I got the impression they just asked him, so quite possibly dodgy.

They are in the US, so could be different rules, but I was surprised to hear about it. I have subsequently found out that they are massive Trump supporters, so I wouldn't put anything past them now Grin

The child is now around 20, so if they broke the law, I guess they got away with it.

LouiseBrooks · 11/01/2017 11:17

it's ok to have different opinions without being accused of jealousy except SIL has admitted she doesn't like OP because she once slept with someone SIL fancied.

Some comments on here appear to have been written by Victorian virgins.

Best of luck PP and ignore SIL. Your future PIL are happy which is something people on here seem to be totally ignoring.

LouiseBrooks · 11/01/2017 11:24

My concern for you OP is in future when your son is older, and you may have had kids with your man - the kids that are biologically related to his family are likely to get much more preferential treatment from them, whilst your little one, gets told he is not related to them.

WTAF? Only if the family are complete arseholes.

QueenMortificado · 11/01/2017 11:24

it's ok to have different opinions without being accused of jealous

I'm so sorry, I completely misread that comment, I missed out the word "she" and thought that poster was accusing Fluffy of being jealous! Apols Oswin Blush

LouiseBrooks · 11/01/2017 11:47

Queen understood. We all read a bit too fast sometimes.