To feel my sil has insulted my child

[BlueParrott]

Grrrrrr. I'm so angry. Last night we went to my future pil to celebrate our engagement. My son came along too. My fiancée was playing with my son and my son was trying to say dada. My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up. For reference my son is mixed race and my fiancée is white so yes it is obvious he's not his dad but why say it?

My fiancée told her to shut up and his parents looked shocked. Anyway the night went on and all was fine. Aibu to feel she's insulted my child?

[Fallonjamie]

She was rude but i don't think she insulted your child.

[OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow]

Umm, don't babbling babies all say dadada as one of their first "words"? I seem to remember mine doing that. I was dada, gps were dada, the blinking cat was dada.
But anyhoo, yeah she was rude and should have kept her nose out.

[chocolateworshipper]

Not as rude as some of the posters on here, but yes she was rude

[Whoamicosichangedmynameagain]

Cherry why is it relevant, so you can police the morality of the situation?

Does the OP have to justify her decisions? How long? Who is involved? How many men has she had sex with?

Plenty of people have dads, daddy's, pops and other names. Lots of children have two people they call mum. It is the love that matters not the name.

SIL was rude because it is not her business.

[Bigbertha123]

WheresTheEvidence

That's an extremely rude and judgemental comment.

I think your SIL was very rude and insensitive. It's none of anyone's business what your lo calls anyone, except your and your son. I certainly don't think it will be confusing for him as most babies call everyone and everything dada when they start vocalising.

Congratulations on your engagement.

[Finola1step]

Yes, she did talk out of turn. It was an inappropriate time and probably quite clumsy. That said, your SIL to be does have a point. Maybe it would be wise at this point for you and your fiance to clarify what you will be encouraging your ds to call him. And share this with the wider family so that everyone knows.

If your ds' father is in the picture and expects to be called Dad or Daddy, then yes, this could get very confusing.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Cherry why is it relevant, so you can police the morality of the situation?

No because presumably it's why the sister asked the question.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

and there is nothing wrong with her future husband bringing the child up as his

There is if you are SM if the threads on here are anything to go by.

[BIgBagofJelly]

It's very rude and absolutely none of her business what your DS calls your fiancé. I guess it's not insulting to your DS because he couldn't understand but she seems to be implying that because her DB isn't the genetic father he can't be a father in any sense which is unpleasant and not true.

[BlueParrott]

Hi everyone. Thanks for your comments. To clarify my son is 18 months old and I have been with fiancée for just over a year. I knew my fiancée via my brother and some mutual friends. My sons dad is not involved and is highly unlikely to be. We haven't discussed what my son will call my fiancée I think that's something that will develop naturally.

[WorraLiberty]

I think it sounds more like she insulted her brother really.

[ColdTeaAgain]

She didn't insult your child. More that she was insulting your situation if you ask me by showing her distaste at it. She sounds very rude and judgemental.

[BIgBagofJelly]

I also agree that some of the comments are very judgemental. It's really none of our or OP's SiL's business what their baby calls his step dad. Maybe he'll call bio dad Daddy and step dad pop. Maybe his bio daddy isn't on the scene and he'll just have step dad as daddy and it'll be explained to him when he's old enough. It's really not relevant since it'f for the parents to decide, not us nor SiL.

[BlueParrott]

And just for the record I didn't teach my son to say dada it's likely something he's picked up at play group as a lot of kids are there with their dad's so it's a common word flying around

[NeedsAsockamnesty]

Develop naturally?

So it will be the childs choice when all they have been taught from tiny is calling someone dada.

[NoraDora]

Reading the context your SIL has made a (clumsily worded) but valid point.

You need to decided what dp is called and share the name with family. If you decide on dad, make sure your son knows from day one that dad is who raised him, not who made him. It will make any explanations later much much easier.

[BlueParrott]

Needs I have just said he's picked it up from play group most likely. We have not taught him to say anything

[helensburgh]

Bottom line here is its completly up to you and your partner and none of her business.
Ignore her and move on

[SVJAA]

OP I'm sorry you've had such a rough ride on this thread. Fwiw, my partner has been in my son's life as a parent for longer and more actively that my XH has ever been. DS sometimes calls him dad, sometimes his name. But he freely says himself that his dad is DP.

[MagicChicken]

You have a young baby who is at the babbling stage and you're engaged to another man already.

^ This

I agree with her, but that may be because I've known people letting their young children call every new boyfriend dad and it's all gone tits up when the relationship broke down.

^ And this.

I don't think her problem is that your son is mixed race, more that she thinks you have rushed into allowing him to call another man Daddy so soon after his actual Dad is out of the picture. I suspect she thinks your relationship with her brother won't last and she feels sorry for the child being encouraged to think that yet another man is Daddy only for him to disappear in a year or two.

Let's hope for your son's sake that she's wrong.

[pictish]

In that case it's not confusing at all and your sil is expressing harboured negativity about your union with her brother.

I agree with you that it is something that will develop naturally and I think your son will call him dad. That seems appropriate as you are to be married and your son's father isn't in the picture. Would even go so far as to say it would possibly even be a bit weird if he doesn't.

Fuck off sil.

[BlueParrott]

Thanks svjaa. I know it may seem unusual to some

[Awwlookatmybabyspider]

Very rude and 100% ignorant and stupid. Your fiancee is his dad. Hes the one who's bringing him up and who cares for him. Its not about biology. Its about who's there for you.

[Blu]

Tbf Navy, what does that have to do with anyone delivering such a comment in public, in that way?

[pictish]

"I suspect she thinks your relationship with her brother won't last and she feels sorry for the child being encouraged to think that yet another man is Daddy only for him to disappear in a year or two."


But you just made that up! You 'suspect' do you? No - you wildly imagined. You don't know anything about the OP. How rude!