To feel my sil has insulted my child

[BlueParrott]

Grrrrrr. I'm so angry. Last night we went to my future pil to celebrate our engagement. My son came along too. My fiancée was playing with my son and my son was trying to say dada. My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up. For reference my son is mixed race and my fiancée is white so yes it is obvious he's not his dad but why say it?

My fiancée told her to shut up and his parents looked shocked. Anyway the night went on and all was fine. Aibu to feel she's insulted my child?

[RestlessTraveller]

Jesus Fucking Christ, the judgement on this thread is horrific.

BTW op, your future SIL is a bitch.

[Isetan]

Your future SIL was rude but I think letting a young child call a man you've been in relationship for just over 12 months Dad (even if you're engaged) is problematic.

[HermioneWoozle]

Your SIL was very rude and your fiancé was right to tell her to shut up, in fact, quite polite in the circumstances. A number of the rude posters here would be advised to shut up as well.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak and to remove all doubt.

[ExpatTrailingSpouse]

So at what point does it magically become okay for the child to call him daddy?

If they stay engaged for ten years and then marry do they have to wait till then? Does the child get told, hey its bob till were officially married then you can call him dad?

Aside from the fact this has nothing to do with the question being asked.

I look nothing like my (step)dad (as we are two completely different races) who met my mother when I was a baby and married her when I was about 5 or 6. I called him dad from the beginning because that's what he was and I knew he wasn't my bio father from a very young age. Still call him dad even though they are now split up. Should I not have called him dad because I clearly am not his bio daughter?

[saffronwblue]

Think SIL is pretty strongly signalling that she does not see herself as an aunt to your DS. She sounds very immature and black and white to me. I would minimise the socialising you do with her till she grows up a bit.

[ph0ebe]

At that age Ds called everyone and everything dada. Its normal

[Backt0Black]

Wow a lot of snarky Judge Judys on this thread.

Your SIL is beyond rude and created a cripplingly awkward social moment and was rightly told to shut-it. At least least you know what you are dealing with and can choose how much you interact with her.

[rosabug]

It was very rude of her. But I think you should be the bigger person and forget it. Your partner did right by telling her to shut-up and that's crucial. My Brother in law often said mean and hurtful things to me but my partner never stuck up for me, just made excuses for him. Be thankful you have a good bloke and should continue to support him by not making a thing of it and causing issues with his family, especially if you have a future together.

[youarenotkiddingme]

my friends DSD calls her Dad 'dad' and her stepdad 'dad'

Her mum and stepdad have been together since she was a baby. It's not strange to anyone involved. They've both been a dad to her in their own ways.

I agree your SIL needs to back off. She may not like the situation but it's not her job to judge and make life difficult.

[londonrach]

Ive seen update etc. Future sil sounds very protetive of dbro rather than insulting child and the mixed race is a red herring. I can understand wheres your dsis to be is coming from. Suspect they might be a back story. You mention dbro had another very serious relationship. Is she still in contact with this lady, was your fiance hurt when they separately. How long ago was that. She sounds worried you going too quick here. (It is abit quick, but if you with the right person it can be quick) Alternately its not your dsis to be business. Id give it time. When you getting married.

[Gooseberryfools]

By baggage, she meant your son.

What will your DH text back? She's effectively trying to pick holes to end the relationship. DH and his sister were/are close. I think it's very likely that shes agreeved that she's lost First Lady position in DHs life.

[Gooseberryfools]

Let your DH sort it out.

If I was him I'd probably text back 'it's disappointing that you've decided to try and pick fault with the woman I love, instead of welcoming her into our family. X is apart of our lives now. I had hoped you'd eventually be good friends with her'

[Gooseberryfools]

What was the sex gossip?

[OptimisticSix]

I think she was rude and it's none of her business at all. Just for the easily shocked I actually met my husband while pregnant (and single), we went on our first date when DC was three months old and we're married a year later. Still very happily married and DC has two daddy's who she loves very much. She's not confused at all and thinks she's lucky for having two devoted fathers.

[OptimisticSix]

PS having just seen your update agree your fiance needs to tell her to stop this nonsense right now. You are who he wants to spend the return of his life with and her comments are only going to drive a wedge between you all if she carries on.

[HelenaGWells]

Newsflash kids can refer to two different people as daddy and the world doesn't explode.

She was being rude.

[Isetan]

It's a relatively new relationship and so I don't thing there's anything wrong about being cautious. Your future SIL was rude but in her position I would have raised an eyebrow simply because I think it's too soon in your relationship for your very young child to calling someone who isn't his father, Dad.

[DownWithThatSort0fThing]

My concern for you OP is
In future when your son is older, and you may have had kids with your man - the kids that are biologically related to his family are likely to get much more preferential treatment from them, whilst your little one, gets told he is not related to them.

[DownWithThatSort0fThing]

I don't think the problem is with your son IMO I think it is more to do with these previous rumors and the fact that you and he have got engaged quickly.

The SIL is being protective of her brother but she sounds horrible

Maybe she is used to being center of attention in the family and was the only female before you came along so shes trying to discredit you but essentially she is putting your partner in a position where he will have to pick you or her

[famousfour]

I understand bring 'protective' - I don't understand why your having a child is something to be protective over though! I think it is extremely rude to imply that you having a child is baggage or a problem in some way or something he could 'do better' over.

Clearly taking responsibility for a child is something to be considered carefully and responsibly but that is a different point entirely.

Either she has some rather unpleasant/immature views or she is worried about / doesn't approve of you more generally.

You sound like you are dealing with it in a remarkably measured way. Good luck!

[BabychamSocialist]

It wasn't an insult, no. It was rude but she probably misguidedly thought it might not be a good idea to call him dad just yet because (a) he's so young and b) you have no idea if the relationship is going to last. Personally, if your child is so young and you're already engaged to someone else I'd find it a bit odd and worrying that you've already got your son calling someone else dad.

[BlueParrott]

Gooseberry not that it's relevant but I was seeing a man his sister was interested in (and obviously still is )for a short while 2 years ago! I didn't know sil then and it's none of her business.
At present we are not encouraging my son to call my fiancé dad I think whatever my son is comfortable with we will go with.
London my fiancé has had two long term relationships both partners she got on well with.

[StartledByHisFurryShorts]

Umm, don't babbling babies all say dadada as one of their first "words"? I seem to remember mine doing that. I was dada, gps were dada, the blinking cat was dada.

This is definitely a thing. My daughter babbled 'dada' and didn't have a dad.

Your SIL's text to her brother was horrible, though. You're getting married. She is going to have to suck it up. Your DS is yoyr fiance's stepson. The fact that your son is mixed race is neither here nor there. I hope that wasn't part of your sil's reasoning.

I think you probably should decide if you would prefer your DS to call his step dad "dad" or "Geoff" or whatever. Adults usually decide what they want to be called. 'Mummy' rather than first name, for example. Or 'Grandma' rather than 'Nanny'. 'Auntie Jane' or just 'Jane'.

[FluffyEwok]

I think she was being rude. Its up to you and your fiance what DS will call him. Id keep my distance and dont involve her in the wedding!

[Patriciathestripper1]

Never mind your poor child,some of the judgey MN's on here are being more insulting about you!
So what if you have moved on. I bet your child's dad isn't sitting at home knitting.
Your sil was being tactless and rude. At least you now know where you stand with her and how much effort you need not bother to put in With her in the future.
Congratulations on your engagement