Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

AIBU?

To feel my sil has insulted my child

202 replies

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 10:30

Grrrrrr. I'm so angry. Last night we went to my future pil to celebrate our engagement. My son came along too. My fiancée was playing with my son and my son was trying to say dada. My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up. For reference my son is mixed race and my fiancée is white so yes it is obvious he's not his dad but why say it?

My fiancée told her to shut up and his parents looked shocked. Anyway the night went on and all was fine. Aibu to feel she's insulted my child?

OP posts:

Report

Ohyesiam · 08/01/2017 13:01

Wow op, I bet you didn't expect to get your life picked apart, and appraised especially for the things you are not even posting about.
Or maybe these kind mumsnetters are just trying to point out that you will be judged, by you sil and others, and you need to just set your family up the way that works best for you, and let everyone else suck it up.

Best of luck with your son and marriage.

C8H10N4O2 · 08/01/2017 13:14

What your son calls your fiance is nothing to do with anyone but you, your fiancee and the child's other parent if they are in the picture. If your fiance adopts your son then he is the child's father.

If you SiL was just being thoughtless/ignorant then point out to her that children adopted by parents of a different race are no less their children and by and large children won't give it a second thought - its adults that teach discrimination to children.

Similarly the timescales and origin of your son are nobody's business but yours but as you have seen - it won't stop people making perjorative judgements and that is something you will need to prepare your son for as he grows older.

Randonneur · 08/01/2017 13:16

If she says it again, you could say "well that's a very narrow definition of what makes someone a dad, dp does more fathering that ds's biological father so it's up to ds what he calls him - obviously we aren't trying to trick him or anyone else! Would you say that to an adopted dad?"

LordEmsworth · 08/01/2017 13:23

My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up.

Really? Presumably, you're not going to get married to someone who's going to not parent your child, so he is actually going to be fulfilling the role of a dad and therefore surely he's entitled to be called dad. If the two of you have more kids, are they going to be allowed to call him dad whereas your eldest will have to call him "Mr Parrott" or "Sir" or "you over there"?

I don't think she insulted anyone but it was at best an unkind thing to say. At worst, she'll spend your son's entire life reminding him "he's not your real dad y'know". Your fiance might need to point out to her that if he's happy to be a parent to "your" child then that's his choice, not hers...

ohfourfoxache · 08/01/2017 13:47

He's got a rather respectable beard/moustache but he's going bald and is as far from bear-build as you can get!

ohfourfoxache · 08/01/2017 13:48

Sorry, that was to Annie btw

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 17:02

Thanks for all your comments. As I say my sil is a nice girl but who at 26 says things like that! I don't think she has a problem with me but I don't think she likes that her brother is marrying someone with a young child. Again for the record I call my fiancé his name to my son not dad

OP posts:

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 18:04

Ok update my fiancé has received a text from his sister. She said that she's sorry if she upset me last night but she's concerned that he's getting involved with someone with baggage and wants more for him! She also told him she'd heard rumours about my previous sex life and didn't like it. FFs my fiancé is currently not very happy at all.

OP posts:

DJBaggySmalls · 08/01/2017 18:07

OP, your future SIL is not nice. She just acts that way.

BratFarrarsPony · 08/01/2017 18:07

He should tell her to butt out, it's his life not hers.
cheeky mare.

QueenMortificado · 08/01/2017 18:10

I think it's really hard for you to hear that, but if I had concerns about my brother (whatever they were, not in your situation), I think I'd struggle not to say anything. I'm not sure though - my brother and I are very close and we feel like we could talk to each other candidly in this way. I appreciate not everyone would feel the same.

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 18:13

Fiancé and his sister are close. I think one of her issues maybe I had a fling with a guy she liked. Obvs I didn't know any of this until i got with fiancé and found out I knew some mutual friends of hers.

OP posts:

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 08/01/2017 18:18

Ok update my fiancé has received a text from his sister. She said that she's sorry if she upset me last night but she's concerned that he's getting involved with someone with baggage and wants more for him! She also told him she'd heard rumours about my previous sex life and didn't like it. FFs my fiancé is currently not very happy at all.

Scrap everything I said. She's a vile twat. I'm pleased your OH is sicking up for you, be very wary of this woman!

Your son is not baggage. In fact I'm of the belief that being a step parent is a bloody privilege!

Marylou2 · 08/01/2017 18:49

Ok update my fiancé has received a text from his sister. She said that she's sorry if she upset me last night but she's concerned that he's getting involved with someone with baggage and wants more for him! She also told him she'd heard rumours about my previous sex life and didn't like it. FFs my fiancé is currently not very happy at all.
SIL doesn't know you OP and she's being protective of her brother. How old is her brother? What previous experience has she had of similar relationships. What is the attitude of your DPs parents towards You? I mean their real attitude,not the polite British veneer.

Anniegetyourgun · 08/01/2017 18:50

Hmm, not foot in mouth syndrome at all then. Knife in back job.

KellyBoo800 · 08/01/2017 18:50

She also told him she'd heard rumours about my previous sex life and didn't like it

Your previous sex life is none of her business, she is being nasty. I can understand if in the early days she had some concerns but you and your fiance are now in a committed relationship so her concerns aren't valid any more. Your DC is not baggage, he is a blessing. And being a step-parent is a privilege not something that other family members should be looking down on.

I have no advice but I'm not surprised your fiance is fuming.

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 19:24

Fiancé is 29 I'm 25. His parents appear genuinely pleased and make an effort with my son. They seem excited that we're engaged. Fiancé also tells me his mum likes me a lot. My fiancé had has a few long term relationships before so is definitely not naive or inexperienced.

OP posts:

Marylou2 · 08/01/2017 19:28

That seems very positive. I was concerned that SILS attitude may reflect that of her parents. In that case only time will improve the situation. The success of your relationship will prove that her fears are unfounded.

ohfourfoxache · 08/01/2017 19:35

Wow, what a bitch

Think I'd be giving her a wide berth after this

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/01/2017 19:36

Your ds is baggage . She sounds a bit immature.

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 19:39

Yep that's obviously what she thinks. Fiancé hasn't replied to text as he's not best pleased to say the least!

OP posts:

readsalotgirl63 · 08/01/2017 20:12

Congratulations on your engagement. FWIW I met DH in January, he left to work abroad in May and we were engaged at the end of September and married the following September - 25 years ago. All in the days before email or mobile phones - we wrote letters to each other .

The length of time you know someone really doesn't matter and being a parent is about so much more than being there at the very start !

Your SIL sounds deeply unpleasant- please don't let her spoil this happy time for you.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Mamatallica · 08/01/2017 20:57

You won't like my opinion but I think your SIL was just stating a fact and is obviously concerned about her brother as many people in this situation would be. Your future PIL sound great and you are very lucky with that, give the SIL a chance, she will most likely come round in time.

BlueParrott · 08/01/2017 22:06

Thanks mama. I don't blame her for being protective but she's known me long enough to know I'm decent and not taking her brother for a ride. Last night she quizzed me about my career, my qualifications, whether I want to be a sahm and now im thinking is she trying to pick holes in me or discredit me?
My pil are lovely and I do hope my sil comes round

OP posts:

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 08/01/2017 23:20

Blue what matters is your OH is committed to you she sounds childish I'd steer clear!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.