To feel my sil has insulted my child

[BlueParrott]

Grrrrrr. I'm so angry. Last night we went to my future pil to celebrate our engagement. My son came along too. My fiancée was playing with my son and my son was trying to say dada. My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up. For reference my son is mixed race and my fiancée is white so yes it is obvious he's not his dad but why say it?

My fiancée told her to shut up and his parents looked shocked. Anyway the night went on and all was fine. Aibu to feel she's insulted my child?

[SVJAA]

DP also has two DSDs who he has been dad to since they were small. They call him dad, he treats them as his own, they're my kids sisters etc. MN is full of people who judge without knowing circumstances or even knowing what it's like to have a blended family. You sound pretty switched on to me and your SIL sounds like a dick. I wish you and your wee family all the happiness in the future, don't let negative comments (either on here or in RL) get you down.

[SharkBastard]

DD is not DH's biological child, but he met me when she was 4. He leaves for her, pays for her, and loves her. She chose to call him dad, she asked him and he said he'd be honored.

Some people find that odd, however, DD knows she had a father and a dad. They are different, dad's are here for you, fathers are just biological and only become dad's when they step up.

Your SIL was rude and this needs to be discussed.

[ColdTeaAgain]

So if you talking to DS and referring to your fiancé, what do you call him? I think by 18 months you need make the decision on whether he is going to be called daddy or not tbh. If DS bio Dad is not involved then surely fiancé is going to more of a father role so would seem natural for DS to call him daddy. Just my opinion, of course it's a personal choice and definitely nothing to do with your SIL. I do think you need to decide though what your are comfortable with though for DS sake as he will be learning to talk soon.

[SharkBastard]

*cares for her

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

And just for the record I didn't teach my son to say dada it's likely something he's picked up at play group as a lot of kids are there with their dad's so it's a common word flying around

Give it six months and he'll be calling random men in the supermarket and street daddy! Little blighters know how to show us up

It's obviously been on SILs mind and she's taken a badly timed opportunity to ask the question very clumsily, but I agree with PP it's a valid question. She probably won't be the first or last to ask/insinuate, if it happens again just say what you said above, "whatever he calls OH I'm sure will develop naturally" and say no more

[BlackbirdSingsInTheDeadOfNight]

My bil was raised from a very young age by his mum's second husband, who he always called Dad. He called his biological father, Father. That was their choice and it worked for them.

I have a female friend whose partner is also female and they have two young daughters. Her partner (the biological mum) is Mummy and my friend is Mumma. I'd assumed that would be confusing, but not at all, and again it works for them.

Not sure quite what point I'm making here, other than if it works for the individual family then surely it doesn't matter too much what name they use! As long as no feelings are hurt, of course.

[Lndnmummy]

I am appalled at the comments on this thread. Who knew how judgemental people are in the privacy behind a screen?

Congratulations on your engagement OP! Try to give your sil benefit of the doubt. She was very rude but you will be family now so try to get to know her and show her patience.

[WannaBe]

I don't see how the child being mixed race has anything to do with this? Having said that, a baby only learns to call someone daddy if they're taught to do so.

TBH, while I wouldn't have said anything, I can see why the SIL may feel that it's inappropriate. The OP and her brother have only been together for a year. Whether they're now engaged or not, this is a new relationship, and there are no guarantees at this stage whether it will last. While in principle I can see how children grow up calling step parents mummy/daddy, the reality is that if those relationships break down both parent and child lose the right to that relationship even if they have been brought up to accept that person as mummy/daddy.

That may sound judgemental, but truth here is that it can be hard for the wider family if they have a baby who isn't biologically theirs growing up to view them as family, given the potential is there for the relationship not to last and that child to be removed without any likelihood of being able to maintain that relationship.

[BlueParrott]

Thanks for all your comments. My sil is a nice girl. We're close in age too so it would be nice if we got on although I don't think she's very baby friendly lol

[Celaena]

Sorry op for being rude and judgemental

This might be time to work out with your fiance what he will be called,

[pictish]

He has been a mainstay since OP's ds was six months old. It's not a valid question, it was a statement of position and regard to the negative.

"she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up"

As I said. Fuck off sil. None of her business.

[RachelRagged]

wherestheevidence

What has that got to do with what OP has asked ?? People always derail threads with something completely irrelevant

[TheCakes]

What do you call your OH to your son? If you tell him "Go to Dada", he'll call him Dada, if you say "Go to Bob" he'll call him Bob.
It's up to you entirely, but I think it's time to decide and make it clear.

[SpringerS]

Does your son speak much otherwise? Babies first speech is just babbled sounds and repeated hard consonant/vowel sounds are usually their first 'words.' Bababababa or dadadadada are pretty much the most common. The baby isn't trying to say baby or daddy, they are just experimenting with making deliberate sounds. We tend to jump on dadadada (and similarly maaaamaaaa which they tend to first 'say' when crying) because they sound like the words we use to describe ourselves as parents, and then teach the baby to eventually use those sounds as descriptors.

So the odds are your baby isn't calling your dp dada, he's just making common first sounds. It is up to you now whether you will teach your baby that that sound is your dp's 'name.' Or teach him to call him by his actual name. He certainly isn't copying the other children at nursery because if he is at the normal developmental age for babbling, he is much, much, much too young for peer copying.

[BlueParrott]

My son does speak a little yes he's getting used to talking. I call my fiancée his name infront of my son.

[Wdigin2this]

Haven't read the whole thread, but my take is this.
Firstly; if your baby is very small i.e. under 9 months, then no he wasn't insulted as he would have no idea of what was going on. However, the sister was rude and presumptuous to think she had any right to comment at all....which bodes badly for the future, by the way!
Secondly, some posters have questioned the speed at which you've become engaged to a man who is not yout baby's bio dad! Well, of course that also is your own business, but the timing suggests that you were not with your former partner when your baby was born, and/or met your fiancé very soon after! So all I would suggest is, err on the side of extreme caution, and don't rush into marriage/commitment for a while yet!
Good luck!

[Mummyoflittledragon]

Perhaps your sil doesn't realise babies babble without understanding what they're saying and she imagines you've both taught him to say dadada for dp. This is clearly not the case. Whatever the reason for her comment, it's none of her business.

[pictish]

I didn't even consider the mixed-race angle because it's irrelevant. I don't even thing think mixed-race is a thing. We're not a different race...it's not a factor.

Modern families are constructed in every combination and people will do what works for them. The circumstances of the relationship (marriage) and age of the child means it is highly unlikely he will grow up and not regard stbdh as his dad.

It was, at best, a stupid thing to say.

[BlueParrott]

Pictish thanks for your comment. Sil said he's obviously not his dad so you two can't pull it off and he'll be confused. That's what annoyed me as if we're trying to trick people!

[abbsisspartacus]

My son is nearly four he calls his grandad dad the taxi driver dad everyone except his own father dad

[BlueParrott]

That's hilarious Spartacus

[RunWalkCrawlbutMove]

whoamicos
I agree with you.
There is no evidence from the OP that she is going commit a (doomed to failure) cover-up on the paternity.
Furthermore a dad is so much more than a doers donor. The child is obviously very young. He has stepped into the role of dad, maybe the Biodad isn't in the scene. I think you are all being pathetically moralistic without any grounds.

[bunnylove99]

YANBU. SIL was rude/thoughtless. BTW, hate to be pedantic but you have a fiancé, not a fiancée (feminine form - you are his fiancée).

[Finola1step]

Oh and just remembered a funny incident. Imagine the scene. DS and his Reception class doing their first class assembly in front of the whole school. Parents and younger siblings of the class all there. Male Headteacher gets up to talk to the whole school. The hall is very quiet. My friend's 2 year old shouts out at the top of his voice "DADDY!".

The kids laughed. The Headteacher laughed. Some of the staff almost wet themselves trying to contain their giggles. My friend was absolutely mortified.

[Rolypoly]

As Springer says 'Dada' is one of the first sounds babies make when developing speech as it's one of the easier sounds to vocalise. They attach no meaning to it. Just tell SIL not to be so daft, baby is just experimenting with sound.