To feel my sil has insulted my child

[BlueParrott]

Grrrrrr. I'm so angry. Last night we went to my future pil to celebrate our engagement. My son came along too. My fiancée was playing with my son and my son was trying to say dada. My future sil was there and she said my son shouldn't call her brother dad as he's obviously not his dad and he'll be confused when he grows up. For reference my son is mixed race and my fiancée is white so yes it is obvious he's not his dad but why say it?

My fiancée told her to shut up and his parents looked shocked. Anyway the night went on and all was fine. Aibu to feel she's insulted my child?

[Isadora2007]

IS your child going to call your fiancé daddy? If he is then fine and just say that to SIL. If he already has a dad and isn't going to call his stepdad dad then she is right.

Weird.

[TheTrollinator]

There was another thread about a mixed race child being insulted just yesterday or the day before.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Does your son have contact with his birth father? In which case could that be what your fiance sister is referring to? Because if your son has a "daddy" already, presumably he won't be calling your fiancee "daddy"?

I agree that this could be the case.

[TwoCirclesthatdontoverlap]

I would have said "doh, keep up, we're getting married". With a smile.

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Thing is people say that it's none of her business but if OP and her OH are going to, for whatever reason, 'pretend' that he is the father (which I know a lot of people who have done and it never has a happy ending) then she will have to be complicit in this lie. My niece thinks a man is her father who isn't and she's now in her late teens, and I hate that I have to go along with this lie when she talks about how much she thinks she looks like her dad or asks questions about when they first got together etc. So I can see why she's concerned TBH.

However if that's not your agenda all you have to say is "no son won be calling OH daddy, he's simply a baby trying to get a new word out".

[MissStein]

whats with all the judgemental comments? so op has a young child and is engaged to someone who is not the father of her child. Its not 1900 people.

i dont think sil was insulting your son, but she was extremely rude and well done to your dp for telling her so. That said, id be pretty insulted/annoyed at sil.

[SVJAA]

You have a young baby who is at the babbling stage and you're engaged to another man already
Speaking of rude
OP your SIL was very rude, and well done to your fiancé for telling her to wind her neck in.

[Blu]

She was really rude, interfering and opinionated to say that in that context, yes, and her reasoning, wrt the racial difference is ignorant and ill thought out.

But not sure she insulted your child.

[Blu]

Cherry, you know many people grow up calling their step dad, who brought them up from toddlerhood 'Dad', whilst knowing he is not the biological father? Since when is raising a child, loving it, supporting it, living in a family with the mother 'pretending'?

[MissStein]

Cherry, where has op stated she is going to 'pretend' that dp is the dad? Are you projecting or just shit stirring. Just because the child has said dada, and could continue to call dp dada if that is what op and her dp chooses, doesnt mean that the child is going to grow up confused or think that dp is her biological dad.

[Only1scoop]

That's what I thought navy although she was rude to just be so blunt

[Whoamicosichangedmynameagain]

It seems your SIL is a judgmental bitch. She should join MN and all the pearl clutching moralistic cows on this thread!

She was very rude to everyone. It's no ones business but yours. If she has got issues with women having children and then forming new loving relationships she needs to travel back to the 1950s where she might feel more comfortable.

[peroxidebrown]

Your SIL is out of order and incredibly rude! YANBU.

[DearMrDilkington]

navy Just over a year, I did a search to see if op was a regular user or not.

[DeathStare]

The OP didn't ask for advice about what her DS should call her DP. And given that she didn't ask, that's her business.

For those who are judging her, her DS could have been the conceived through rape, he could have been conceived with donor sperm or he could be adopted. In fact we're all assuming the OP is female - maybe the OP is male and the biological father.

And given that this wasn't what the OP was asking about they shouldn't have to explain themself.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

Bet there's a huge back story here.

Yep me too.

[OwlinaTree]

You have a young baby who is at the babbling stage and you're engaged to another man already.

And your point would be? How is this relevant?

[MyNewBearTotoro]

Lots of judgemental people on this thread - OP hasn't even said how old her DS is, many toddlers will still be at the babbling stage at 18-24 months. Not that it matters how long OP and her fiancé have been together but could have been 2+ years if they met when she was pregnant.

My DD was 8mo old when DP and I got together (we'd been friends for years) - I was pregnant with DS when DD was only 15mo old (not planned but still) and she's always called DP Daddy. I'm sure people raised eyebrows at this but we are happy.

My parents were pregnant with first DC 5mo after meeting and were married 4mo later, they and are still happily together after over 30 years so time isn't everything.

OP, I think your sip was rude. Family's come in all shapes and sizes nowadays and there's nothing unusual about your DS calling your partner Dada - I would only be cautious about it if his biological dad is involved, but otherwise there are many, many children who have a non-biological parent they call dad/ mum.

[PigletWasPoohsFriend]

And given that this wasn't what the OP was asking about they shouldn't have to explain themself.

Maybe, but context is everything.....

[CherryChasingDotMuncher]

Blu and Miss, that's why I said that if that's not their plan (and I didn't say it was ) , all she has to say is that no he won't be calling him daddy, and that's it. It's hard to tell from the OP if the bio dad is involved, which I think is relevant

[pictish]

Depends. If your son has regular contact with his father I could possibly see why she might say that, even if I think it was forward of her to do so as well as inaccurate as it's really not that confusing.
If he doesn't have regular contact I think she was being mean and obviously harbours some dubious feelings about her brother being a dad to your son. I don't know why that would be.

[Bluntness100]

Hang on, there is nothing to say she is going to lie to the child, in fact her op suggests the opposite, and there is nothing wrong with her future husband bringing the child up as his, there is a world of difference between a parent and someone who only provided sperm.

The child can still look on her partner as father and still know the truth he's not biologically his, adoption is not uncommon. The only confusion could come in if he will also be in contact with his real father.

Some judgemental comments on here that are not ok.