To think DH is missing so much of the good stuff

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

Let me start by saying DH is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. However, since having DS who is now 10 month old, some of DHs behaviour is really starting to bother me.

One example. Every night we are meant to bath DS together, as DH works all day so it was always meant to be something pleasant for us to do in the evening. But it always ends up being me bathing DS whilst DH is busy tidying up from tea or something like that. Bearing in mind that after bathtime I then give DS his feed and I put him down to bed. So he could always tidy up then.

It's the same on the weekends. If I nip out to do the shopping or something I'll get home and DH will have football on and be tidying up or something along those lines, and DS will be playing. (Our house is already spotless may I add!)

I just feel like he's going to regret missing these early memories. Tidying and all that can wait. Our DS can't. Or am I just being daft?

You're possibly right brown I hadn't thought of that actually

To be honest, he doesn't sound that interested.......

Thought so!
First baby is the only time you can both spare the time to even consider bathtime together for the sake if it.
I would let your husband bath your son and have a break downstairs with your feet up!

I think doing the bath together is odd. Why not leave him to it and you do tidying (or just chill).

The reason we decided on doing bathtime together is because when DS was first born he was EBF and we both wanted something that we could do together when DH got home from work. It was much easier back then with two hands! Admittedly now he's older it only really requires one person, but it's just kind of stuck that we are supposed to both bath him. I don't mind at all if DH baths him on his own

I tend to tidy up/do laundry in the evenings while DH does DS's dinner and gets him ready for bed. We both work full time, same hours, at the same place (so are at home with DS for the exact same amount of time) but I don't see the point in us all trailing around the house together as a threesome while there are other jobs to be done. DH is very hands on with the baby, and I'm fussy about how cleaning jobs are done so we play to our strengths.

Bathing the baby together is a nice thing to do, but it's not a massively useful way to spend two adults time so your DH might just not see the point? I would alternate who does the bath and who does the 'jobs', DH might feel like a third wheel at bath time with your current arrangement and that's why he keeps out of the way.

Babies are dull. I can guarantee when you ask him to do bath time you'll still complain because it'll be in, swish about and then out to get dried and dressed. There won't be cooing and playing or any of the stuff you find enthralling.

He's not going to do it like you.

I find these replies shocking really.

*'More boring for dads than it is for the mums' , 'you have a husband who cleans', give the poor man a break'
*
For one, yes he should spend that half an hour bonding with his son when he hasn't seen him all day. Whether the baby is boring or not it's all quality time bonding.

Maybe op 'needs a break', she's been at home with the baby, maybe she would like to do something else for a while.

Why are babies more boring for men than for women? What a cop out. I'm a mum and I find babies pretty boring, but they kind of need looking after, by both parents.

Op doesn't really need to be grateful that her husband cleans. It's normal for two adults who live in a house together to both clean up. The same as it's normal for two parents who both created a baby to look after it.

Op I think yanbu. Bath time can be a chore but it's also a great time for bonding and catching lots of little special moments.

My youngest is 18 months and dh does most bathtimes, dh has hundreds of photos of baby ds in his towel, in the bubbles and now videos of him running around after his bath. So many funny little moments.

Have a chat with your dh and ask him to come and help with bathtime more often.

I imagine he's tidying up whilst you bath ds as otherwise you're doing it after bedtime and he doesn't get to see you. So I'd suggest saying to him that you'll tidy as he baths DS

Why don't you just get him to bath the baby? That way they have bonding time and you can have a break!!

Thankyou for all your replies. I will definitely have a little chat with him. I think we will alternate the bathtimes. And maybe weekends could be his turn. Yes I agree babies can be boring, it's very boring spending all day with DS sometimes!

You could take it in turns bathing DS?

Or you could just wait for your DH to find his way, as your DS grows up and reaches different stages your DH will form a special bond with him in all sorts of ways, each parent has different strengths and unique interests that will benefit your DS.

My DH has patience to bake with my DC, he also always fixes their bikes and taught them to ride a bike. I was better at teaching them to swim, and good with anything arty. Etc

We take it in turns to do bath time here, always have done. Whoever doesn't cleans up and sorts the dishwasher, then will go and read the story.

To have to have the 2 of you bathing a 10 month old every night would be a boring routine for most, so why not try taking turns.

Does he interact with him at all?

DH used to take DS out grocery shopping in the evenings when he was a toddler. He wasn't great at baths, but a whizz round Sainsburys...lol.

Honestly, as long as you ensure his Dad has sole care of your DC sometimes, without you as backup, I'm not convinced it really matters what it is.

I'd let your DH do the bathing, etc and do the tidying up just for some baby-free time at the end of a long baby day...

oops my oh does this and I get very cross. I always thought he was bu

Yes nanny he does play with him and stuff, and does his share of getting him down for naps, walks etc. But usually only if I suggest it

What Zara said. When DS1 was in his first year, DH used to steam home from work most nights to do bath time. He recently admitted he never really enjoyed it, but it was one of his few opportunities to see DS and he also knew I was climbing up the wall and needed the break.

Does DH interact with him at other times? It seems a bit odd to me to come home for bath time then not spend time with the DC. I'd also think he was missing out.

X-post, sorry

I am a bloke and the first couple of years are the worst years in my opinion. The best times for you and him are definitely yet to come. Kids become much more interesting to men when they can do things with them. Time is precious and joint bath time is excessive to me. If anything he may feel that you don't trust him to do it alone. I used to bath my children and that gave their mum a much needed bit of peace.

I hate bathing the kids and they are now 4 and 7. It's boring. So I let Dh do it while I tidy/cook downstairs. We both work full time, but I don't feel I am missing anything magical.

You're lucky he helps out
Maybe he finds baby boring
Maybe he doesnt KNOW what to do (is there a handwringing emoticon?)
Let him bathe baby on his own ("LET?!" - does OP say she's imposed a ban?)

This is why I smile sometimes when I see that age old line "its not the 1950s you know" yet some women 100% perpetuate that 1950s notion of it being mum's job to do all the baby stuff, your man does housework so stfu and be ever so grateful, as that should completely null your silly (selfish?) thoughts that you'd love dad to bond with baby during early years too

Boring indeed in a perfect world everything would be interesting for lil men, woulndnt it?

I agree, get DH to do the bath and you make dinner or have a break or whatever you want to do.

JustSpeakSense Sat 07-Jan-17 19:27:06

"Or you could just wait for your DH to find his way, as your DS grows up and reaches different stages your DH will form a special bond with him in all sorts of ways, each parent has different strengths and unique interests that will benefit your DS."

So what if the mother had wanted the luxury of finding out what her special strength and unique interest was- and that hadn't happened to involve washing pooey bottoms?

These are two adults, who between them have produced a helpless child for which they are both responsible and which requires certain types of care to survive. Looking after a baby isn't about what you feel like doing: it's about what the baby needs.

Sometimes I just can't believe the infantilisation of men going on on this forum- and not just by one poster, but by poster after poster.