To think DH is missing so much of the good stuff

[UnbelievablyChocolatey]

Let me start by saying DH is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. However, since having DS who is now 10 month old, some of DHs behaviour is really starting to bother me.

One example. Every night we are meant to bath DS together, as DH works all day so it was always meant to be something pleasant for us to do in the evening. But it always ends up being me bathing DS whilst DH is busy tidying up from tea or something like that. Bearing in mind that after bathtime I then give DS his feed and I put him down to bed. So he could always tidy up then.

It's the same on the weekends. If I nip out to do the shopping or something I'll get home and DH will have football on and be tidying up or something along those lines, and DS will be playing. (Our house is already spotless may I add!)

I just feel like he's going to regret missing these early memories. Tidying and all that can wait. Our DS can't. Or am I just being daft?

Anyway....

Hope you had a chat with your OH, OP and sorted things out. For what it's worth dp and I do bath time together. One gets in the tub with the baby one gets him in and out of the bath drys him off and brushes his teeth. Talked to dp about this thread, we both enjoy it and don't find it dull.

It would concern me too if he once enjoyed these things and suddenly didn't. Maybe something else is stressing you oh out.

I don't think doing things with your oh is controlling. Maybe you enjoy each other's company, and you both enjoy spending time with your baby. It's not unheard of .

I don't really buy all the 'I packed the bag', 'he doesn't know about the rash', 'I'm better at nappies', 'changing facilities are in the womens'.

Obviously it's entirely up to you how you live your life, but it really is just making excuses for a hands off father.

Dh is out 7.30-6 and often later. He also has to work away. That's only more reason to be involved when he is home.

From day 1 he's made it his business to ask what the dc have been up to, if they've slept, if they've been happy or whiney, he does the bath, at the weekends he packs the bag, he notices if we've run out of nappies or wipes, or if the shoes are getting too small.

Changing facilities aren't in the women's, we go to all kinds of places and dh has never found it difficult to go and change the dc nor is he somehow inefficient at it.

Everyone knows babies need nappies, wipes, change of clothes and a bib. You don't need a vagina to figure that out.

It is actually pretty important for fathers to be involved in all aspects of parenting. People should stop excusing men from parenting.

It's funny how it always just so happens that it's always easier for the woman to do the childcare.

There must be times when the mother is having a cup of tea, eating her lunch or taking a bath, and it just so happened that it would be easier for the father to change the nappy.

Women should stop rescuing men from these tasks.

zara I am glad that things work well for you.

Things also work well for me.

So we have that in common.

Mindtrope what I take issue with is posters telling op that she is pfb, controlling and all the rest because she wants her dh more involved.

Because actually she's not wrong, it's normal.

zara- I have said none of these things.

What is "normal" is not set in stone.

Mindtrope your first comment to the op was to tell her she was pfb.

For an average family having an involved father can't be anything but positive.

Zarachristmas - I've never suggested the OP is controlling. I completely relate to where she's coming from because I've been there - 4 times.

It may well be the case that her DH is consciously or otherwise avoiding certain tasks at the moment. I was just trying to say that parenting is multi-faceted and changes over time, so don't worry too much about the bath necessarily. My DH never really did this, nor did he do significant housework either. But these days, he thinks nothing of taking 4 DC into the middle of Scotland doing some kind of bushcraft / survival camping thing for a week. He gives up Saturdays to run a martial arts class which our DSs and their friends go to and generally does the bulk of the ferrying round when he's here. He has a great bond with the kids which is a far cry frim the relationship he had with his own father who was very authoritarian and that's about it.

I think the OP just needs to directly ask her DH why he is avoiding certain tasks because it helps if you can understand the other perspective and that everyone goes into parenting with their own set of preconceptions and emotional "baggage".

Absolutely and there was loads of sensible advice, of course you have to look at the bigger picture with any family.

Mindtrope when I say normal I mean it's normal for a mother to want the father to be hands on. Not that if you have different dynamics you're not normal.

You are right zara- apologies. I did make the pfb comment.

The OPs baby is young, and at the time these things may seem crucially important, but they are not.

Like madinche my OH developed a great relationship with our children, taking them on rugby tournaments, exploring caves, days to the zoo. He still does most of the taxi service with them when he is home.

He has a great relationship with our kids- they are his- and always have been - his number one priority.

That's what counts Mind
Zara - your DH sounds great too btw.

Ye, I mean I don't think he's ever cleaned the bathroom, but I'm not about to divorce him for it.

It's worth remembering that parenting a baby and toddler can be a lonely and daunting place for mothers. I found things change around age 3 when you usually get some freedom back.

I enjoyed mine and wouldn't have swapped my maternity leave with dh, but all the same my second has been especially hard work, it can be very intense 24/7.

So sharing the workload and little things like dad bathing the baby or taking over on a Saturday morning,, can make all the difference.