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Original poster

To think DH is missing so much of the good stuff

437 replies

UnbelievablyChocolatey · 07/01/2017 18:55

Let me start by saying DH is a wonderful man and I love him with all my heart. However, since having DS who is now 10 month old, some of DHs behaviour is really starting to bother me.

One example. Every night we are meant to bath DS together, as DH works all day so it was always meant to be something pleasant for us to do in the evening. But it always ends up being me bathing DS whilst DH is busy tidying up from tea or something like that. Bearing in mind that after bathtime I then give DS his feed and I put him down to bed. So he could always tidy up then.

It's the same on the weekends. If I nip out to do the shopping or something I'll get home and DH will have football on and be tidying up or something along those lines, and DS will be playing. (Our house is already spotless may I add!)

I just feel like he's going to regret missing these early memories. Tidying and all that can wait. Our DS can't. Or am I just being daft?

OP posts:
Pallisers · 09/01/2017 01:20

*I can't believe some people make such a song and dance about something so easy. It makes me wonder if some contributors even have children in the real world.

You get on with it, no need to wring your hands, you do what you have to do. *

of course. That is how most people feel about changing a nappy for their baby. no big deal. Which is why we are a bit flummoxed that you seem to have actively protected your husband from such a normal small mundane part of having children - and I mean on the weekends and holidays. of course no one would expect you to have called him home from work to change a nappy,

53rdAndBird · 09/01/2017 01:22

I can't believe some people make such a song and dance about something so easy.

Eh?

I didn't ask "how do you manage nappies in your house - they're so confusing!" I asked how you managed on occasions when you had to be out of the house without the child.

But then, other people asked you that also, and you didn't really answer them either, so presumably this is not something you want to talk about?

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/01/2017 02:18

I'm noticing a certain inverse correlation between the amount of nappies changed by the OP's male partner and the use of religious language. Just saying.

Basicbrown · 09/01/2017 05:44

Some of your husbands must have the patience of Job.

HmmConfused. What a strange comment.

poghogger · 09/01/2017 06:05

Well catching up on this this morning and it's all got a bit weird Grin

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 06:46

A man who's never changed his own child's nappy is a pathetic excuse for a father.

What a ridiculous comment.

My OH ( who is out of the house for 80 + hours a week), travels a a lot with work and has never changed a nappy is a brilliant father.
When he is home he is totally devoted to us.
He does all the cooking, will tackle jobs like cleaning out the fridge and freezer, garden jobs, teaching the kids how to cook, taking them on days out.
This "pathetic " father has provided financially for us, giving me the space and freedom to have a lovely life, taking earning pressure off me which allowed me the energy to start my own business which became very successful.

To call my OH pathetic is very anti feminist.

Feminism is about women making their own choices in life, not some prescribed formula. And if that includes men not changing nappies then so fucking what.

poghogger · 09/01/2017 06:51

Feminism is not just about making choices, I'm sure we all make unfeminist decisions sometimes, I know I do, but don't kid yourself that not expecting your husband to take part in the more boring side of child rearing (when he's around) is feminist.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 06:58

poghogger- my OH undertakes a lot of boring things that I don't get involved with.

Decorating, going to the dump, checking the tyre pressure on my car, bleeding radiators, unblocking drains, cleaning the freezer and fridge, clearing out the garage, ironing, home IT, cutting the lawn, gardening, replacing lightbulbs, ( big job in our house- we have 92 light fittings), going to work, earning a good salary.

I do none of that stuff.

All are important in making sure our children have a well oiled home.
It's not so direct as changing a nappy, but still very important.

ph0ebe · 09/01/2017 06:59

Exh wasnt interested until at least two & even then he didn't care for watching him learn to swim or any of that stuff. It pissed me off because he just assumed id do everything because I liked babies Confused if I ever did it again id hand baby over when he got in from work.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:08

poghogger but don't kid yourself

Who made you the authority on feminism?

DameDeDoubtance · 09/01/2017 07:19

There is a twitter account called Man Who Has It All, some of y'all need to follow it. That's if they have Twitter in the fifties.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:25

dame- fine if that's how you view things.

I think I have the long end of the stick.

As a SAHM I was lucky to spend so much time with my kids, time to have carefree days, picnics, hikes, meet with friends. Even when they started school I was at the gym 4 mornings a week, had time to pursue hobbies, cook lovely food every day, my life is a breeze compared to my OHs.

DameDeDoubtance · 09/01/2017 07:39

Why do men get the luxury of waiting till the baby becomes interesting? Why do men get to cherry pick the jobs they want and are praised to the hilt like gods when they do a tiny amount of housework? It's almost as if society allocates the caring/cleaning role to women and when men do it they are somehow stepping down and doing something a bit beneath them.

Hmmm, I need to think about that, I wonder if there is a name for it...

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2017 07:40

As I've said before Mindtrope, a man out of the house 80+ hours a week never sees his children to have a relationship with them. That's very far from excellent parenting in my book. You can call it what you want.

I can see how he's an excellent provider, but as I said up thread, that's not the same thing.

DameDeDoubtance · 09/01/2017 07:43

Mind I was a SAHM for a couple of years and I bloody loved it.

It was necessary that dh was involved with dd as I wasn't a;ways going to be at home for ever and shit happens, both parents need to be able to care for their child.

He isn't being asked to do anything onerous, just spend some time with his child for the brief hour or so before he goes to bed.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:43

But being a good provider meant his children were being cared for in a loving environment rather than a day care facility.

To me that's good parenting.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:45

parenting isn't just about changing nappies and playing peek a boo.
It's also about paying for a home, heating, and putting food on the table.

Zarachristmas · 09/01/2017 07:46

This thread is just weird.

Your dh works 80+ hours and has never found time to change a nappy. Yet you won't change a light bulb, go to the tip or cut the grass?

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:52

dame I was not prepared to keep a 2 year old up well past bed time to see my OH.

treaclesoda · 09/01/2017 07:52

Lots of people provide for their children without working 80 hour weeks. Confused

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:57

zara- why weird?

OH and I are a team. It's easier having prescribed tasks. We keep 12 different types of lightbulbs in the house- I find it tedious in the extreme to keep up with the types and fittings.
OH is a geek, he finds the job easier than I would.

We have a big heavy petrol driven lawnmower. OH is physically much stronger than me. It's less effort for him to mow the lawn than it is for me.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 07:59

treacle he doesn't work an 80 hour week- he is out of the house for 80 hours a week. Most weeks he is also gone for 2-3 nights because of work travel.

LaurieMarlow · 09/01/2017 07:59

If a woman came on here and said she worked 80+ hr weeks, had never changed a nappy, yet still claimed to be an 'brilliant' mother she would be laughed out of town.

Yet you are claiming that for your DH, the other parent. It's that double standard that's so mind boggling and deeply, deeply anti-feminist.

Mindtrope · 09/01/2017 08:02

laurie who made you the expert on feminism?

My " deeply anti feminist" way of life has allowed me massive freedoms.

treaclesoda · 09/01/2017 08:07

Mind sorry, I misunderstood.

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