AIBU to think I wasn't rude?

[cherrycrumblecustard]

DD is 2 and this morning threw a tantrum outside the supermarket and was refusing to go in her car seat. I was juggling shopping and keys and phone and trying to manage it all. It's fine, it happens, and I had it under control after a fashion, if you see what I mean.

An elderly woman stopped and STARED (which I hate anyway, it's so rude) but I just ignored her, thinking she'd go. She didn't. I then had this exchange where she tutted and sucked her teeth, then said, "are you all right?" I said cheerily 'yes, thanks, are you?' Which was my way of trying to get her to see all was OK. Or normal at least!

She then said to me, all of which I ignored.
"You can't get her in. You can't get her in. I'd smack her legs if she was mine. You can't get her in!" She kept doing these little titters as well which were really annoying. So in the end I just said "look, to be honest, you're not helping, can you give me a bit of space?"

DH came wandering along at that point (he'd been getting money out) and said I was rude to her! I wasn't, surely?!

Why are you being mammalist?

Organismist? At least I make myself laugh :)

I just think it interesting that nobody is prepared to address the "if all that's happening is painting the picture, why is OK old and black not?" question.........

Bert, I did. Twice. Seriously, can you drop it?

Depends what you mean by 'a lot'! I do find certain humans (!) are more likely to make observations about your child. But that's me.

Once, today :)

Gosh, don't know, novemberish maybe? Before my birthday.

How is it relevant that it was a human, eh OP?

Yes ... Well. Not unpleasant. Tries to interfere.

Ignoring the age of the interferer,
Am I the only person who thinks it is ok to be rude when people trample on your boundaries? MummyofA if people are polite to the people who stop you in the streets, they might start thinking they are in a job that we appreciate, rather than being a pain. Yes, it pays the bills, but I don't have to condone it! So being rude was basically a public service, they might realise that their job is to annoy people, and consider doing something useful. OP you were not as rude as she was. Try harder!
I came to this conclusion after everyone was pussyfooting around someone (of no particular age, ethnicity, sex, gender or disability). I decided to treat this person how they treated us. Others were then asking me how come this person was so nice to me and not a pain. Because she needed much stronger social cues than others, bordering on rude, to accept boundaries. We have a decent relationship now, we wouldn't if I had been politely compliant.

I think he was winding me up! He always says I'm really shy round people so I think he was just annoying me by saying I was rude

Live on the continent for a bit. Staring (particularly by old women) is really common in some countries and you just get used to it.
I agree that she was more rude to you than you were to her.

*Why is old okay and black not?
*
My thoughts. Not okay as in 'all old women do x' 'MIL is an old bat probably jealous of your youth and beauty' or 'why do women become x when they hit 50'.

But in terms of behaviour, saying things about toddlers, teens, Generation Y, 30 somethings or the middle aged or the elderly clearly not the same as saying things about black people. For one thing, none have suffered the same systemic abuse as black people, but more importantly, some behaviour is related to age in ways it isn't to race. My 92 year old grandfather says and does things I wouldn't, and my 15 year old the same wrt my 63 year old mother! That's just obvious. My mother doesn't have tantrums, my niece does. My grandfather calls all women 'girls' and addresses Christmas cards to mr and mrs dp first name and surname (we are not even married). My 19 year old wouldn't.

Plus, of course, age isn't fixed. The 80 year old behaved like a toddler when she was one, the toddler now might well hold beliefs that will seem outdated when she's 80.

So no, for me, not at all the same to note tendencies in an age group as of a racial one.

Bertrand You're being very over sensitive on this thread, no-one is saying ALL old people do this.

But what OP is saying that old women are virtually the only people who do this - which is just as ageist as saying that all do.

It's very simple. Take the quote "I don't know what it is with some old women, and sorry but it always is old women, who make completely inappropriate comments" and substitute "black people" or "disabled people" for "old women". Would anyone seriously think it acceptable?

Seek- but the OP said that "elderly" was merely setting the scene. Local colour, if you will. Nothing to do with the behaviour of the person concerned. So, why not "black"?

it sounds to me like you were rude to her,
unnecessary.
be nice to people. it makes you feel better.

I think I would have told her to FO

i remember my ds refusing to leave playground, as per usual, and put his shoes on, and a stranger had to help me,
i wasnt rude to their offer.

and a lady same age as my dm had a right go at my youngest dd, tbf, my youngest dd was being Very challenging.
so I accepted it.

i dont understand why you should be so unfriendly to strangers.