Aibu to feel worried that I'm 26 and have never had a proper job?

[user1480954406]

I fell pregnant with ds during my second year of university, took a year out and then went back and graduated. Before falling pregnant I had intended to go straight on and do a masters in speech and language therapy, but oh and I decided that it would be easier in the long run (and we wanted two together) to do babies now
And start my career once the kids are at
School. I love being a stay at
Home mum but all my friends from school are really getting on with their careers and I'm starting to panic a bit that when they go to school too much time will have passed between graduating and getting a job. Oh says I'm overreacting but I'm really worried... aibu?

I'm commenting on the societal expectation that mother career/aspirations be put on hold for precious moments
Hardly No one ever says to dads to put career/aspirations on hold and stay home for precious moments

I am always really impressed by young women who have had education interrupted by unexpected children and who have continued to finish that education. To me it shows strength of character and persistence. I would advise you to get experience doing voluntary work in your sector and practice with your CV and interviews. If you spin your story right you will look like a great candidate.

I'm not the OP no, but there is some really useful and relevant advice on this thread, sorry if I've sidetracked it a little! Hopefully it'll be useful to the OP too.

@walkinginto2017, I am a little confused, are you saying a position as a SALT Assistant wouldn't be viewed positively when applying for the SALT degree? Whyever not?!

No. Someone earlier suggested you should do a turn as an SLTA as a way of gaining the experience you need to become an SLT. In terms of applying to uni, they would love it!

I was speaking as a senior SLT who interviews SLTAs and we would be really reluctant to invest time and money in training someone who was only using it as a stopgap so you might find it hard to actually get a job as an assistant. It's the same as newly qualified staff who can't find a job as a band 5 often apply for assistant posts quite obviously as a filler job. Usually they don't make it past first phase of the application process. It might sound unfair but recruitment is expensive and retention and commitment is key.

Not that it sounds like you would be doing that anyway so it doesn't really matter!

I'm glad the thread has got back to helping the OP and giving career advice. I'm sure if the OP was 36, no one would be commenting on her relationship.

Also, those who say it isn't expensive to get married.... It is! I got married the cheapest way possible.

Admin fee £40
Reading the banns x2 £70
Ceremony fee £165
Rings x2 £30

So not as cheap as you might think.

Op I'm 26. I had my DC when I was 20 and 22. I am still with my children's father. I am in a similar situation to you although I will be starting my degree this year, so I'll be even more behind you. Most of my friends did their degrees straight after sixth form but only in the last 6 months or so have they started looking for a 'proper job'. Loads of them went traveling ect and are only just starting to settle down so the only difference between you and them is that you've got your kids. I don't know anything about salt but good luck for the future!

Volunteer at a local SEN nursery / school / specialist educational setting. You will see SLT being used on an almost daily basis and in some challenging situations. It will be tough but equally rewarding as some children have to overcome huge barriers to speak such as global drlay, autism etc. Volunteering in a unit will give you experience of SEN and speech issues & might look good on your cv.

Op - I'm a SaLT service user - and I can tell you the service is on the bones of its arse. Of which I would deduce the following points for thought:

• I would look for shadowing opp (or make contact with people working in the profession) to make sure it's still the job you imagine

• a lot of slt now work private - if you're in a reasonably affluent area people get used to paying because nhs can't meet demand. This is good for being able to work flexibly around kids - since you're obviously choosing your hours.

• I searched and failed to find for a SaLT 'assistant' privately. The job spec was basically to help me with doing the 'homework' exercises the SaLT set - preferably but not essentially including a bit of child minding to give me space with the other DC. Given the expense of private qualified SaLT - and the extent of the needs - maybe this could be something you do? I.e. Set up as a childminder with a special interest in speech and language issues (with your skills built up by the parents explaining what they'd been told to do with their kids and reading yourself)

Interesting post gloriarty
I'd caution op against taking on work (and getting paid) saying she has a special interest in SALT issues.op has had two days shadowing SALT,no other training,and not read specific literature.
The special interest is wanting to apply to train.

Setting up as childminder,yes she'd could work self employed with other parents children. Need to apply to local authority and be approved

I'd advise try get a Role in a setting were communication difficulties are managed e.g. Care home, SEN nursery, day centre, LD. Also Look into NHS HCA jobs locally in stroke, older adult, LD, head injury . Esp as op is limited in times she can work e.g. Evening and school holiday

What about setting up a bilingual playgroup? - this was very popular when DCs were small, not just with parents of that language. If you set it up yourself a church hall or village hall might let you use existing facilities. Using it as an opportunity you might also ask the local Salt team to do drop ins occasionally (they used to do that in somenplay groups we went to)- and also you could bill it as enhancing speech and language as a general thing. Songs and stories in other languages? You'd kill a few birds with one stone because language + responsibility but also more finite and less all-encompassing than being a childminder.

Gimee I agree that OP would need to be careful to not misrepresent her qualification. The idea would be to be a babysitter/CM - but to try to engage with clients whose kids have speech issues. Kids in speech therapy should be doing daily targeted practice - and probably have a suitcase full of special advice about how their day-to-day life should be structured. Anything from tips on how you speak to a speech delayed child through to full on PECS.

I suggested this as it is something she could do alongside her kids and also bring in an income. I saw upthread OP DH getting a hard time for not supporting her to volunteer - but it really is hard to carve out childfree and unpaid time out of a young family's life.

It sounds specialist - but I was expected to go off and implement it off the back of twenty minutes every fortnight watching the therapist work with my child. A motivated lay person could certainly provide an equivalent support to the child - and also take the pressure off 'Mum' being the only one that does the exercises - and 'Mum' cringing and worrying about whether she can go back to work when her child comes with so many additional 'instructions'.

And I think it would be gold-plated experience for future career progression - since being able to get kids to engage in the practice is often half the battle.

I'll be 30 when I go back to work - possibly older, and possibly in an entirely new industry- starting from scratch - and I promise you, when I go to those interviews, I'll be telling everyone that my 9 years in a highly pressurised, very public role, were in no way as challenging, exciting or instructive as my time with

Maybe not to you, but potential employers will be more interested in what you've actually done in the workplace.

Aaah yes,mum hardest job in the works speech.that'll go down well at interview
Irrespective of how challenging,exciting,instructive ones baby is,it bears no relation to work
Stridently telling an interview panel that being a mum exceeds any pressurised job is risible

I'm glad the thread has got back to helping the OP and giving career advice. I'm sure if the OP was 36, no one would be commenting on her relationship.

That seems pretty unlikely, given that there are threads every week from women of a variety of ages who are SAHPs whilst unmarried, and they are invariably told they're in a vulnerable position. I suppose the ones who are better off than their partners even without working are more likely to be 36 than 26. But they're a rare enough breed that there's plenty of threads with the same advice being doled out to women older than OP.

when I go to those interviews, I'll be telling everyone that my 9 years in a highly pressurised, very public role, were in no way as challenging, exciting or instructive as my time with the baby

I sit on at least 40 interview panels a month (I work for a huuuuge company in the Engineering sector) and I've never had someone say this in an interview (and I've heard practically everything at this stage!).

If someone said it in an interview, I'd nod along but, once they were out of the room I'd laugh.

Having someone tell me that they've never found anything in an work environment to be as challenging or exciting as having one child for a short period of time, I'd take it that what they're actually telling me is they have no intention of giving 100% to the job as their focus is on getting through the work day to get home to be excited and challenged.

I'd also question their suitability in terms of organisational/team fit as I'd immediately picture a strong team getting very quickly annoyed with the new person pretty much saying "you think this is a challenge? Pffft, wait until I tell you about the time my daughter had croup".

Frankly the op cohabitation status bears no relation to her career aspirations
What is encouraging is she's spoken to oh,and he's agreed to be supportive of her career

JustHere, yes I agree,bet you've heard some belters whilst interviewing.
But that's another thread
Lol, to the hell no,call that hard,well my baby is pure hard core.

Actually OPs cohabitant status makes it even more important that she pursues her career aims, as has already been fully explained and firmly established now. I hadn't thought there was any particular reason for the thread to go back down those tracks again, but it was important to correct the assertion that OP is being appraised of the legal realities in a way that wouldn't happen if she were older.

I did actually have someone come to an interview who used her baby's sleepless nights as an example of how she is capable of long hours.....it was a part time lab tech post.

So is the general consensus from people in recruitment/employers that being a sahm provides zero transferable skills? This isn't really something I'd considered as I thought when I did end up applying it would be more of explaining the gap and being late to the game rather than trying to upplay being a mum...

I mean obviously as I said I don't any experience in an actual work place which is not retail or waitressing. That's a bit sad though if you're a sahm and are applying for something which is less vocational/ has a less specific entry path than what I want to do.

Surely being a sahm must count for something? If it doesn't then I do think the whole system is a bit weighted against us

Loads and loads of helpful advice ladies so thanks.

But I also can't help but wonder whether those of you who are talking about security and me being in a precarious position are coming g from a position where you have more to lose I.e. Owning a house or something? We don't have any savings or really assets to speak of?

So is the general consensus from people in recruitment/employers that being a sahm provides zero transferable skills? This isn't really something I'd considered as I thought when I did end up applying it would be more of explaining the gap and being late to the game rather than trying to upplay being a mum...

There's a good article in the Guardian archive called "Returning to work after children: twelve tips from our experts". Which contains views from a number of different experts. I'm having trouble linking but google it.

But then in terms of independence oh has sacrificed being able to spend time with his kids for his career being able to provide for us. And I've been there for every moment and tantrum and poosplosionand put my career on hold to make our family work. I guess everybody loses something to gain the other.

Except he got his 20s to do what he wanted with, but who's counting?

Anyway, unplanned pregnancies are hard both in the initial instance and in ripwaves ( do I mean rip waves?) throughout life, I wouldn't go back and change anything though. I just have to keep moving forward and keep the same goals, and there's been so much advice on here to help me do that

I'm still v confused about what the problem is with starting your career at 26.

I'm also struggling to understand why being a sahm has no relation to work.

The problem with older entrants is usually that they have more life experience and are therefore used to more autonomy. They may have been in the army, been a mother or done TEFL abroad.This can translate into resentment at their junior role. Is that the problem people are getting at?

You explain your career gap factually as being with your kids. But no I don't think it constitutes experience or transferable skills to prepare for work/masters.Your sahm status has limited relevance to your career aspirations. Being a parent won't render you a better SALT candidate. Just as not being a mother does not render other candidates less able SALT candidates.

Sahm is not a job,it's not standardised or undertaken equally by all mums.
Why does it have to count?im not being provocative I'm trying to understand that premise as I fail to see the logic

No system is weighted against sahm/housewives.but equally you cannot equate not working looking after own kids,as equivalent to a job,or bestowing transferable skills

Working is an activity for remuneration,to an external generally understood standard with a JD

As Sahm you set your own timeframe/tasks to your internal standard.unpaid no JD

Sahm is essentially quite insular an individual choice that a couple or individual chose.suits those concerned no particular external impact.and not a job, and proclamations about motherhood being hardest job in world are risible

But I also can't help but wonder whether those of you who are talking about security and me being in a precarious position are coming g from a position where you have more to lose I.e. Owning a house or something? We don't have any savings or really assets to speak of?

It's not just about assets. It is true that the entitlement to shared assets if a marriage ends isn't relevant when you don't have any. It's about having a way to support yourself and any DC if things go tits up, because all your family eggs are in one basket at the moment. FWIW I'm a few years older than you, yes we do have a bit more than nada but we're not wadded. We also had sod all when my DH was 26, and not a massive amount when I was!

But basically, I think take steps sooner rather than later to get into work. I don't mean you have to panic and start tomorrow, but think about what you need to do to get yourself on a preferred course in 2019. Have a plan. As you'll need to apply in autumn 2018, you need experience before that, so if your youngest isn't entitled to free hours until Sept 2018 you might have to be creative and/or use some childcare. Based on what you say, there are a number of avenues that might be open to you- you're not in a bad position. And I wouldn't necessarily discount SAHMing either. In all honesty I can't think how it would be that helpful in my field (as opposed to voluntary things people have done whilst SAHMs, which can be) but that's not to say it never is, or that you will be in any worse a position than someone with similarly low experience a few years younger than you. Really I think the main issue might be being less inclined to relocate than someone with no ties- but then you probably wouldn't need to as an MFL teacher anyway. I am also wondering if you'd consider a primary PGCE with a language specialism?

I agree, it doesn't give you the upper hand over other candidates and I personally wouldn't up play it, but in terms of transferable skills for generally jobs, having a baby durint my final year has definitely tought me time management as I had to make every second count doing the last year of my degree in two days a week , and also being at home has made me realise just how much I love my subject because despite loving being at home I do feel a bit of a void from not doing something involving theoretical linguistics or language somehow. This is not something I would say in an interview at all but I just think Being at home is not a time where you stop growing and learning stuff which is helpful generally at work. I get that being a sahm is not a job and they are all really good points but in the same way somebody who had experience in childcare or working in a school could say they engage well with children and parents, while sahms don't all "work" he same way, surely that's still something that shams could say aswell.

This is not argumentative at all, it's very interesting as there are a lot of conflicting ideas on the responses here from both people who have been employed or employed when mentioning mumming or pta stuff etc. Maybe it literally depends on the interviewer and job description, but all good to take into account when I do eventually start interviewing.

In terms of the security and getting into work, as discussed im doing everything I can and I think I've also got to expect it may take a few years to get onto the masters.

Did somebody say they had done the bsc instead of the
Masters/pgdip when they already had a degree? How does that work in terms of funding?

I would actually love to do primary Sen but I had only looked at the pgce secondary for mfl because it's bursaries £20000 (last time I checked which was a while ago) for students with 1sts. Also attractive about that job is that I know what to expect, have q a lot (albeit five years ago) of work experience in secondary mfl and work hours. I believe primary isn't as well bursaries and any post grad I did would have to be both financially accessible (as I can't get a career development loan) and lead to an actual job.

A bit of detail about my interests- I did mainly theoretical linguistics modules but I what really brought it alive for me was the neuro/psycho side of it all and seeing how language functions in the brain, and how it can break down. So I guess the next natural step is how do you help when it does break down, which is why I'm drawn to SALT.

I did actually do one of my research projects for psycholinguistics on syntactical processing and dyslexia which I found really really interesting and I think dyslexia is something that I find really fascinating and complex. It's weird how the more you study the more you realise there is to know.

Even in broader topics I was always erring towards the psycholinguistics side and I did my dissertation on the parallels between language loss in native Deaf signers (bsl) and speaking-hearing stroke sufferers and the implication that had for the neurological representation of a language which required visual processing. god writing that down makes me miss it a lot.

That made me really really want to do something with either sign language or stroke survivors with aphasia. A lot a lot, but then I had another baby.

(Sorry if that bored anyone)