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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to feel worried that I'm 26 and have never had a proper job?

225 replies

user1480954406 · 06/01/2017 10:53

I fell pregnant with ds during my second year of university, took a year out and then went back and graduated. Before falling pregnant I had intended to go straight on and do a masters in speech and language therapy, but oh and I decided that it would be easier in the long run (and we wanted two together) to do babies now
And start my career once the kids are at
School. I love being a stay at
Home mum but all my friends from school are really getting on with their careers and I'm starting to panic a bit that when they go to school too much time will have passed between graduating and getting a job. Oh says I'm overreacting but I'm really worried... aibu?

OP posts:
Christmasmice · 06/01/2017 15:09

Marriage really doesn't have to cost very much though. I hate to think of people in your position because you are so vulnerable. It goes tits up for lots of women who previously felt secure

Have a look at the OU for now too. There are lots of courses. Just studying for a year would demonstrate that you're keeping your knowledge up to date and moving in the direction of the career you want. And keep asking about the volunteering.

OllyBJolly · 06/01/2017 15:09

*Flaming Nora. The OP wanted career planning advice not legal or relationship advice.

She has a clear plan and it doesn't involve living on benefits*

Career planning can't be done in isolation. Her chosen lifestyle has impacted on her career options. At the age of 26, with no real work experience, she's in a precarious position so any advice advocating another few years not earning would be a bit reckless imo.

Also, she has no clear plan - she's talked about teaching, speech and language therapist and academia since half eleven this morning. The only clear plan is babies and deferring a career. It's only right to point out there are flaws in such a plan. And as a PP said, no one plans a life of benefits, and many are surprised that's where they find themselves.

Manumission · 06/01/2017 15:12

Her chosen lifestyle has impacted.....

Fucking hell. She's not a smackhead or a pole dancer. She's a MOTHER, who ran with an unplanned pregnancy and made a happy family. We're here to be supportive aren't we?

MoreBushThanMoss · 06/01/2017 15:15

OP - I'm 29, and have worked my way up the career ladder in my field (in a media business) from intern to quite a senior freelance role - and now am taking time out to look after my baby. When I go back to work, it may well not be the industry I'm in now- and am currently wondering whether to go back to uni, do teacher training or set up a consultancy business.

I'll be 30 when I go back to work - possibly older, and possibly in an entirely new industry- starting from scratch - and I promise you, when I go to those interviews, I'll be telling everyone that my 9 years in a highly pressurised, very public role, were in no way as challenging, exciting or instructive as my time with the baby.

So don't do yourself down - raising children is hard work, and has lots of transferable "skills" many employers would kill to see in a university graduate- you just have to have the confidence to sell yourself and your skills!

BarbarianMum · 06/01/2017 15:15

I am sure you could afford to get married, even if you can't afford a wedding. In fact I can't see how you can afford not to!

Original poster
user1480954406 · 06/01/2017 15:18

I don't think he can take the time off work, were struggling as it is and the immediate cost of living is the priority. I think in the current climate if I sat him down and said "you need to take some time off so I can volunteer/work" his response would be "how are we going to pay the bills then".

It's not upsetting me I just genuinely don't think there's another option other than waiting till dd is at school which is sept 19. But in the meantime I'm going to try and get some experience while my mum can have the kids i.e. Weekends or school holidays.

It's less about him having an unimpeded carrer, I mean don't get me wrong, he has and I resent it a bit, but more that the fact of the matter is that we need money to live and he can earn far more than I would be able to. And these were things we had to take into account when deciding whether to have a second baby.

OP posts:
MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2017 15:19

I think you're being a bit unfair here, manumission. 'Supportive' doesn't mean 'giving false reassurance'. It isn't particularly 'supportive' to tell OP that she'll definitely be absolutely fine if she doesn't work until she's 30 (which, given she's waiting for both children to be in school and the older one is still in preschool seems to be an option) and that she'll definitely go straight into a graduate job as soon as she does decide to work - in fact, maybe employers will even prefer her once they see that she's helped to organise a toddler group! No one's telling her that she's in a hopeless situation or that she's a bad person who made bad choices - they're just pointing out that 'do nothing and assume it'll all work out in a few years' isn't a great plan A.

GimmeeMoore · 06/01/2017 15:19

Supportive isn't superficially jollying along,it's taking a look at what's going on and commenting
Op is very well qualified,wants to be SALT. has no experience,needs to get experience either volunteer or paid
No recent study I'd advise some OU online,brush up on life sciences
Her oh won't commit time to undertake parental tasks to support her career. Despite his career and business being completely unimpeded
Contact the admissions tutor about the MSc get position what they look for

MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2017 15:21

I promise you, when I go to those interviews, I'll be telling everyone that my 9 years in a highly pressurised, very public role, were in no way as challenging, exciting or instructive as my time with the baby.

Maybe check with a few recruiters before going with this as your interview technique!

Manumission · 06/01/2017 15:21

Supportive isn't superficially jollying along,

No but isn't a doom-laden pile in or criticism of past decisions either.

GimmeeMoore · 06/01/2017 15:23

So,you only have weekend and school holidays to gain SALT experience,that'll limit you
You will have to wait til 2019?its a considerable gamble
In that case have you considered bank HCA experience with local NHS or care home and work evening and holiday

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 06/01/2017 15:24

A really simple thing you could do is start reading journals related to your field - keep your knowledge up to date.

OllyBJolly · 06/01/2017 15:25

We're here to be supportive aren't we?

It wouldn't be supportive to say everything will be perfect and someone with no work experience will be welcomed into the workforce with open arms. Life is tough. You have to be realistic.

To give a direct answer to should the OP worry about being 26 and never having a proper job then my 35 years of hiring people suggests that yes, this is an obstacle. It's bloody competitive out there at entry level. If she wants a career then she has to focus on firstly what she wants to do and secondly, what she has to do to achieve that. OU courses, volunteering, public service work may all help towards her aim.

Manumission · 06/01/2017 15:25

It isn't particularly 'supportive' to tell OP that she'll definitely be absolutely fine if she doesn't work until she's 30 (which, given she's waiting for both children to be in school and the older one is still in preschool seems to be an option) and that she'll definitely go straight into a graduate job as soon as she does decide to work - in fact, maybe employers will even prefer her once they see that she's helped to organise a toddler group

But she has said 2 years is her timeframe until the MA. And the fact that the MA is essentially vocational training with placements and that the NHS will be her likeliest employer, mean that getting onto the MA is the highest hurdle. She won't be in the general graduate job market and she'll be freshly trained in a specific profession. It's not a gloomy picture by any means.

GimmeeMoore · 06/01/2017 15:25

No one is doom laden,it's pragmatic advice how to get on a competitive masters
Inc
Get experience
Evidence recent study
Shadow SALT
Bush up on life sciences

Newbrummie · 06/01/2017 15:26

Manumission doomy ? On mnet? Surely not Wink

Sundance01 · 06/01/2017 15:27

I got my first proper job at 30 - had kids in my teens lived on bens for a few years then did o levels a levels and uni.

I found I was promoted far far quicker than I would have been if I had stared work younger. End up in senior management in 10 years and semi- retired in 20.

It can work out much better doing things this way round. You may be older when you start at the bottom but Once you get to an age where you are more likely to get promotion you will not be struggling to juggle caring for young children with the need to be flexible or work longer hours.

Life will be what you make it. Doing things differently to the 'norm' often works out better. Good luck

Newbrummie · 06/01/2017 15:27

I do think you have to consider the implications though of staying at home, wish I had. I'm about £200,000 down with 12 years to go before the last little treasure leaves home.

Manumission · 06/01/2017 15:27

I'm not arguing with any of THAT advice gimmee. I said much of it myself early in the thread.

It's the detour into marital status, family law and the welfare system in raising an eyebrow at.

Manumission · 06/01/2017 15:29

Brummie I know Grin I forget where I am sometimes Smile

lubeybooby · 06/01/2017 15:29

user1480954406 how about starting a small business - then it will either grow into your full time job or you'll have experience to refer to in cv etc

MargaretCavendish · 06/01/2017 15:30

Given that OP genuinely seemed to have no idea that cohabiting as a SAHM is a vulnerable position, I think it was actually pretty lucky that the conversation veered that way!

GimmeeMoore · 06/01/2017 15:34

Her marriage status is irrelevant,although I'd make sure house in joint names
being a mum isn't considered hardest job in world by employers.it simply isn't.
Attending a toddler group,raising your own kids isn't great experience for courses/job
It's overstating it to say being a parent confers an advantage going for jobs.and a bit naive. Periods of not working cumulatively become a hurdle,that's why recent study, relevant work experience, shadowing a SALT are all recommended

Original poster
user1480954406 · 06/01/2017 15:37

*oh can't commit to undertake parental tasks to support her career as two little mouths need to be fed.

Oh is infact not a monster who has deliberately gotten a first class honours student barefoot and pregnant against her will and won't take time away from making business deals at the golf course to stop her getting a job.

Appreciate the advice but it's all gotten a bit apocolyptic. I'm not silly at all, but a security blanket is a luxury not everyone can afford.

I would love to be married and have established my career before kids, have a mortgage and have something to go back to at the end, but that's not how life turned out.

OP posts:
WitchesGlove · 06/01/2017 15:37

Could you do voluntary work?

Apply for internships when kids are at school?

With a first class degree, you have a big advantage, and are you in London?