About being pissed off with mum about what she said about childcare?

[PyongyangKipperbang]

Firstly....I have not asked her to do any childcare. I am not saying that she should have my kids so I can work, my kids, my choice, my problem. So..

I am looking for a job but it is a right PITA as DH works changing shifts and the only jobs I can find require before or after school childcare that would mean that we would end up with less coming in than before, and me out of the house all day. But all the kids are now at school full time and we need more money, so far so normal for most families.

Mum asked how the job search was going and I explained this to her (not dropping hints, we were just talking) and she said "Well I managed it!" as if to imply that I wasnt trying hard enough. Except that my grandparents babysat every Saturday as she worked a weekend shift, and twice a week during the holidays to cover her midweek shifts too. She brushes that off as no consequence ("They helped out during the holidays sometimes")and says that if I really wanted a job then I would find a way to make it work "But dont ask me, my childcare days are over" Which is fine, I get that, but it really fucking pisses me off with the way she suggests that she just made it work for herself when the fact is that without my grandparents she wouldnt have been able to work.

AIBU to be pissd off at her selective memory and implications that I am somehow not trying as hard as she did despite not having on tap childcare as she did?! She thinks that I am!

And sadly alot of people of this generation don't really understand how many breaks they get that we didn't.

Free childcare hours? You are joking and many of the nurseries and creches that had opened in the 40s so women could do war work were closed in the 50s so very hard to get nursery places.
Child benefit for first child - no and we got less for 2nd child then 3rd. Inequality in pay for women was massive - not equal yet but a hell of alot better than the 60s and 70s.
Free school meals for KS1 - no didn't get that.

Breakfast clubs and afterschool care - never heard of it when mine were at school. Your child your problem so sort it out however you can.
Single mother boy did they have it rough. In my city if you had to collect court ordered maintenance you had to queue up on Friday lunchtime, no one hurried as you were scum so waited at their convenience. A friend of mine was late back from lunch every Friday, frequently got threatened with disciplinary and no concessions, her child, she was a single mum and it was her problem.
Free contraception, no I had to get a private prescription which lasted six months and cost the equivalent of a weeks shopping and then 55p every month for the months supply. My pharmacy were kind and let me pay month by month as £3.30 on top of the private prescription was too much for me to find.

Different times, what is the point of going on about how unfair it is? It is different. I always had to work, nothing easy for me in the 70s. We didn't have a car or a phone or a washing machine or central heating or double glazing and it was hard working fulltime and oh boy did you get judged for working.

So I have a house and a pension but no one handed it to me.

Sorry child benefit was none for first child, reduced amount for second child and full amount for 3rd and subsequent children.

Can I just say again that I am not bashing any boomers! I am moaning about my mothers attitude to my childcare problems because she totally denies having childcare on tap in my grandma, the grandma who would take me to work with her so my mother didnt have to!

It sucks- . My MIl lives 5 mins away , is a widower and she has always said she doesn't want to help with the dds. DH and I split working hours and shifts. We are lucky that we can so one of us is always available for them , about twice a month we have to pay for a babysitter . Its hard on us as a family but its the only way we can do it . The kids are ours and we have to find the solutions.

Pyongyang, I know you didn't start this as a boomer bashing thread but some people have that attitude. You are perfectly reasonable about your mum.

One of the first things my MIL said when she saw her first grandchild, after complaining that she didn't like her hair!, was that we should never ask her to do any childcare. We took her at her word, she never offered and we never asked. When she died and we were sorting out her stuff we found a note she had written saying how sad she was that she had never had the children on her own, never once babysat them or collected them from school. That is why I think your mum is going to be sad one day when it is too late.

Not much comfort for you but all you can do is ignore her, it doesn't sound like she will ever admit the truth.

Pyong absolutely, and likewise!

I am a grandmother and I do understand the difficulties that young families face now, which is why we help care for our GC for nothing and are happy to do so.

But there is an element of swings and roundabouts here - we did indeed have full uni fees and maintenance grants, but we did not have all the gadgets and modern appliances that parents have now. God, how I remember those blessed stinking nappy buckets and dripping washing - no drier; and we could not have worked from home using the internet etc. Mortgage rates were absolutely crippling - my children can hardly believe that anyone was brave enough to take one out!

This is beginning to sound like the Monty Python sheds sketch - time to stop I feel!

Ah yes we had three children under 4 and all 3 in cloth nappies at night - the wringing out, the drying (luckily their father did all the nappy washing) but it was quite a thing.