Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a night nurse

181 replies

doublerainbow31 · 05/01/2017 02:23

so.... a celebrity has told the awful story of her son being dropped on his head by the night nurse. glad everyone is ok but slightly shocked people have day and night nurses. Now I know why celebreties with newborns look so good.

OP posts:
cornflowerblu · 05/01/2017 23:54

I had a night nurse for all 3 of mine. She did 3 nights a week for 4 weeks starting when each of them was 2 weeks old. It meant that I got some decent sleep, I could still BF, she gave bottles of EBM between 11-6 and I wasn't exhausted. Expensive, yes but fantastic. I even had a private delivery with my 3rd and the combination of the 2 made the most incredible difference to my mental health

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/01/2017 11:00

Read the blog. A very unfortunate accident and extremely unlikely to ever happen again. Never known a mn to fall asleep 'on the job holding baby'

Part of me thinks the mum /blogger has other emotional issues - maybe pnd - to then imagine the worst in all situations

  • dropping baby over 2nd floor sb level or freaking out when child fell off slide and she was ok but Mum still freaking out what could have happened - means she has some serious issues that need to be sorted

Whether counselling or mild antidepressants to calm her down - I don't know the answer but knows she needs to do something before if a totally neurotic mum who can't enjoy her children co of what if ......

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 11:57

She did 24 hours, 5 days per week. She had a 3 hour break in the middle of the day when she slept,

WHAT?!

So she was "on duty" 21 hours per day for five days of the week? That's 105 working hours per week. You let someone look after your little one in that state? Bloody hell.

We've looked into having a night nurse as I have epilepsy which is triggered by sleep deprivation... The nurse would literally be bringing the baby to me for feeds and nappy changing - for 10 hours over five days a week (Monday - Friday 10pm until 6am). They'd then have the rest of 24 hours to themselves to rest and have their own lives. Not sure if we will go with it or not.

LilaGrace · 06/01/2017 12:21

MountainPeaks- what do you mean "in that state"? I wasn't aware you were present in my house to see what "state" the maternity nurse was in. She was in a good "state" if you must know- I am not an irresponsible parent leaving my children with people who are dangerous. She told me that if she's had a particularly bad night with the baby, she might need a longer rest, which she would ask for accordingly. She never needed to. As I'm sure Blondes will verify, maternity nurses frequently work 24 hours a day with a rest break. That's what they do. They are trained professionals, in the case of my nurse with excellent references from other parents they have worked the same hours for.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2017 12:24

mountain - when I had my DS my epilepsy nurse advised that I wasn't home alone with the baby for 6 weeks after the birth as that's when I would be at most risk of seizures due to sleep deprivation and hormonal changes in my body.

As a result my DH had his two week paternity leave, my mom then came to stay for a week whilst DH was at work, then my dad came for a week, then my MIL for a week, then FIL for a week and then my DH took another two weeks (unpaid) off work.

It was a lot cheaper than a night nurse but I did have my own space. It was lovely having a spare pair of hands throughout the day though and I found it much easier to catch up on my sleep during the day between feeds knowing there was another pair of eyes on DS.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2017 12:25

Lila - so was she paid by the hour and for 21 hours a day?

LilaGrace · 06/01/2017 12:29

She was paid per 24 hour period.

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 12:33

lila we'll beg to differ on working conditions of 21 hours long and 105 hour weeks being acceptable then.

Writer thanks - we are baby going to do similar. Interesting they've said 6 weeks to you - I got told three months (although my seizure control has only just got back on track). Did you have a worsening or were you fine (if you don't mind me asking?)

ElfontheShelfIsWATCHINGYOUTOO · 06/01/2017 12:33

anything is an option if you can afford it - my goodness I would have had one too.

Writerwannabe83 · 06/01/2017 12:41

mountains - by the time I fell pregnant with DS I had been seizure free for 7 years. I had to have regular blood checks whilst pregnant to monitor the levels of my medication which as expected started to drop at 20 weeks and so I just had my dose increased as needed. I saw my Epilepsy Nurse about once a month whilst pregnant just to touch base but I didn't have any seizures during pregnancy. After baby was born my nurse kept me on my heightened dose of medication to act as a 'buffer' for sleep deprivation. I was also recommended by my Consultant to have a CS due to having Epilepsy, which I did.

sparechange · 06/01/2017 12:48

Mountains How rude
A PP who is a maternity nurse has said upthread that those hours are normal and expected. No need to be so rude to Lila

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:02

sparechange And others upthread have said those hours are illegal.

Do you work an 105 hour week? With 21 hour shifts?

Even hardworking doctors wouldn't think those working conditions were acceptable.

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:06

Thanks writer. That's really helpful to know how it worked out for someone else - well done on being seizure free! I am totally living in hope that my medication now is the correct dosages, types and levels and I can remain seizure free... Lucky that my neuro team are fabulous (and we have a specialist consultant obstetrician for women with epilepsy).

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 06/01/2017 13:07

The maternity nurses sleeps just as a mother would- as and when plus usually has time during the day in a solid block. They're self employed so can set their own hours surely?

sparechange · 06/01/2017 13:09

No Mountain, as other people assumed upthread that those hours are illegal and then had it pointed out to them by someone who works in profession that the hours are neither illegal nor uncommon.

They charge per 24 hour basis, and one of the main recruitment agencies for maternity nurses spells out on their website that "A maternity nurse is expected to be on duty for 24 hours so it is important that they have time to rest so that they can remain pleasant and effective at all times. The nurse should be given a two-three hour break in any day which should be by arrangement with the family."

So PP giving 3 or 4 hour breaks was generous!
www.edenprivatestaff.com/resources/maternity-nurse/introduction-employing-maternity-nurse/

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:11

Dame - i live in North London and here it's 10 hours overnight or 8 hours overnight. That's the norm. I know maybe 25 sets of parents who have used night nurses and no one has ever done 24 hour shifts with a three hour break. Even parents that heavily rely on nannies don't have them on "usual hours" of more than 50/60 hours per week.

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:12

"A maternity nurse is expected to be on duty for 24 hours". This is where the issue is.

This is wrong, just because something is legal doesn't make it morally right. You only have to look at the doctors debates we've had recently to realise that.

JellyWitch · 06/01/2017 13:14

I very nearly dropped my eldest, trying to settle him asleep in the middle of the night when i drifted off. After that I coslept properly with him and did from birth with my youngest so that I was safe position to doze off.

LilaGrace · 06/01/2017 13:14

Thanks spare and dame! I live in north London too, and know many people who have had maternity nurses for both 24 hour periods and nights only. There is no need to make me look cruel just because it's not what you've chosen to do yourself. It's perfectly normal for maternity nurses to work 24 hours.

sparechange · 06/01/2017 13:18

You can see the distinction between someone who does complex surgery, and someone who sleeps in between feeding a baby though, right?

And the rate that they are paid means they don't have to work 52 weeks a year, so can take time out to rest

It is quite weird for you to describe as 'immoral' something that most mums do, without being paid nearly a grand a week to do it.
Their choice to have a baby, maternity nurses choice to pick their profession

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:18

It's perfectly normal for maternity nurses to work 24 hours.

Something being normal doesn't make it right (and if you live in North London, you'll know that most people totally agree that this is not acceptable and we need to improve on childcare standards in private homes). No one should be working 105 hour weeks regularly.

If you think it's acceptable, that's your choice.

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:20

sparechange - but with mums (and dads) it's their baby, they've bonded with it, it's not a "job" - it's part of being a parent. You sleep when the baby sleeps, you ask for help etc.

MountainPeaks · 06/01/2017 13:21

spare - you can see this thread is about a nanny who was exhausted and broke the skull of a baby she was caring for because she fell asleep right?

You don't need to be carrying out surgery for things to go wrong.

LilaGrace · 06/01/2017 13:23

Absolutely right spare, they sleep overnight and take a minimum of 2 weeks between jobs (mine did, anyway). Never once has anyone said to me that it's "immoral" to have a maternity nurse, much less one who sets her own hours and contract which I agreed to. I suppose there's always one... Hmm

sparechange · 06/01/2017 13:24

Mountain
I'm really not sure why you are taking this so personally.

You don't like that maternity nurses who do 24 hour shifts exist. That's fine, don't book one.

But you haven't really come up with any good reason for others not to, other than you don't like it

As others have said, having one saved their sanity, mental health and physical health, and are glad there are qualified and highly experienced people out there who enjoy doing this as their job