to have a night nurse

[doublerainbow31]

so.... a celebrity has told the awful story of her son being dropped on his head by the night nurse. glad everyone is ok but slightly shocked people have day and night nurses. Now I know why celebreties with newborns look so good.

[harshbuttrue1980]

Celebrities will have more than just night nurses - a night nurse, day nanny and weekend nanny is more likely. God forbid someone as important as a sleb (or the daughter of a celebrity in this case) should change a nappy!

[Tatie3]

OP after nearly 2 years of getting by on next to no sleep thanks to DS3 I could weep at the thought of an uninterrupted night! I would totally hire a night nurse if I could afford one

[KimchiLaLa]

Also, I'm fine and actually very happy holding her, but DD is a baby who immediately wakes up when overtired when she is put in the basket.

[KimchiLaLa]

Sure I get that. Those were the only questions I asked her though. I didn't want free tips. If I'm honest the only thing she said to me was that she used a swaddle and a dummy. Not exactly anything new.

[ElphabaTheGreen]

She probably felt you were asking her for a load of tips/advice without actually paying for it, didn't want to talk to you ad infinitum about what she does, only for you to say you didn't require her services. When I made first contact with a sleep consultant, I made a point of not discussing any methods so she knew I wasn't just fishing for free tips, and kept the discussion to T&Cs and payment only. I made it clear what I wasn't willing to do (i.e. leave alone to cry) so she had the opportunity to see if she could work with me, but that was it. I categorically didn't go any further into what her methods were.

And this:

bad habits your baby has fallen in to (eg wanting to be held constantly)

That's not a 'bad habit'. That's a perfectly normal baby, especially at 12 weeks old. Some need closeness to a caregiver to support healthy sleep for longer than others.

[KimchiLaLa]

Actually if there are any night/maternity nurse on this thread I'd love to hear your thoughts on this -

I got in touch with one a week back as my DD sleeps ok at night (12 weeks) but is prone to getting overtired and needs a lot of settling when she does. This is despite me looking out for tired signs etc. She has had some massive meltdowns if she's not able to sleep for whatever reason. Which is fine, she's a baby and needs her sleep.

Anyway this one lady charges around £500 for a 24 hour stay in which she promises to help with any bad habits your baby has fallen in to (eg wanting to be held constantly). I asked her a bunch of questions - does she use a dummy (i would rather not as it just means we then need to remove it but I told her I was willing to listen to her advice) what time will she arrive (so we know when to be ready for!), how much aftercare etc. She then calls me furious. Tells me I'm asking too many questions. That other mothers have had a 5 min phone chat with her before she has walked in to their house to solve all their problems. Tells me the reason my baby "sounds so unsettled (she's not) is because her mother is over complicating things"

Is this normal behaviour? Should I just not ask questions and give away £500 and entrust my baby to them for the night?!

It's £500. I'm not sure why I should just give it away no questions asked.

[LaurieMarlow]

Yep - there are lots of professions that do this (particularly in the junior ranks). Most are rewarded with TOIL, or, overtime however.

Hahaha. Almost choked on my bitter laughter there.

[KimchiLaLa]

-Double if you include family, I'm sure there are lots of people who get overnight help the first weeks. My mom did it for me and I did it for my daughter. Several of my daughters friends had family stay months after their deliveries....to help specifically with night care, meals etc.

Yes same. My mum has helped me immensely at night, I went to stay with her when DD was 5 weeks and she was amazing

[Blondeshavemorefun]

As lilagrace said it's perfectly normal and legal for maternity nurses to work 24/5/6. In that 24hr period they will have a break of 3/4hrs to catch up on sleep

I work as a maternity night nanny (tho qualified as a mn) and work nights. Usually 9-7 but have done 6pm/7am - basically I will try and accommodate what the family need and want to help them cope with the needs of their newborn/s

mrsgb the average mn isn't well paid for the hours they do - unless it's for royalty or very hp families

often can be £180/240 per 24hrs

That works out at 8.50/11.40 gross ph

Which the mn will then pay tax and NI 2&4 out of so maybe leaving her with 140/180 for working 24hrs a day / away from friends family husbands etc

[OhhBetty]

In fact I'd love a night nurse now! Ds is almost 2 and poorly and has been waking every hour for a few weeks! Single mum with limited help!

[HookandSwan]

Mountain I think what your forgetting is maternity/night nannies are trained professional who are choosing to work those hours and do that job and get paid very well to do so.

So I really do understand you rhink it's wrong and that's fine but it isn't for the ppl who choose to hire them and the ppl who choose to do the job.

[MazDazzle]

If you need/want help and it's on offer, either paid or unpaid, by all means take it and you shouldn't be made to feel guilty for doing so.

There are no prizes for doing everything single handedly.

I have a cleaner who comes round a couple of times a week. When on maternity leave, just having someone else in the house, someone who is smiling and supportive and coos over the baby, is so reassuring. She mops the floor and changes the bed sheets too, but it's the support I value the most. Also, in an emergency (a lost key or even a delivery etc) I know I have someone to fall back on.

If maternity nurses were an option for me, then I definitely would have had one!

[MrsGB2015]

Ok when they are 'on call' they still sleep for a few hours, sit down for lunch etc. They aren't working all the time!

[sparechange]

Haha, a lawyer having TOIL or overtime pay!

[megletthesecond]

A night maternity nurse sounds very civilised and a huge help. We've got it very wrong in this society when it comes to babies. Isolated new mothers, miserable postnatal wards and if they're lucky a partner who can take two weeks off work. Maybe other family around but that's it. It's far from ideal.

[OhhBetty]

I would have loved a night nurse if I could have afforded one! I don't think it is replacing mum at all In fact, I probably would have been a better mum if anything as I would have been well rested and focused. Although would have had to wake to bf but would have been able to go back to sleep after!

[MountainPeaks]

21 hours - with no break as they are on call though ? Being on call is not a break.

Yep - there are lots of professions that do this (particularly in the junior ranks). Most are rewarded with TOIL, or, overtime however. And most are not looking after tiny babies. Why not employ two people and split the job? Means they both get adequate rest breaks to refresh and rest.

[MrsGB2015]

Maternity nurses are well paid, have frequent breaks throughout the day and chose when to work. It's sweet that people seem genuinely worried about their wellbeing though. Should we start a just giving page for all the over worked maternity nurses out there?

[sparechange]

Oh, and pop over to the threads about careers in law, and see what posters there say about working in a top City private practice, where you will see another profession where people regularly work 100+ hour weeks, get a few hours break per 24 hour period and are 'on call' 24/7 for weeks and months at a time...
Again, adults with free will to pick the job they want to do...

[sparechange]

I completely agree, Mountains
And you will also see from the countless posts on this thread that Maternity Nurses are never employed by the families
They are self-employed and therefore set their own hours, their own breaks, their own pensions, and their own tax
As is their want and right as an adult

[KondosSecretJunkRoom]

My kids are 9, 7 and almost 3. If I win the lottery I will pay a night nurse just to intercept them on the landing and fetch drinks and turn the bathroom light off when they are finished and remind them to pee in the toilet and not around it. I'll even wear a bad mother badge if it appeases the offended.

[MountainPeaks]

sparechange I'm not saying there is anything wrong with "mums at breaking point" (or any mums) having help in their home. I do think that if you employ someone, you should treat them well - that means good breaks, sensible working hours, pension, tax etc. all sorted. If you need to have coverage 24 hours a day - employ two people (which a lot of families do as well).

I can't think of another profession where it's deemed acceptable to have someone working or "on call' for 105 hours a week with three hours rest breaks in 24 hours over 12 / 16 / 26 weeks.

[EthelEgbert]

Sorry. I was referring to maternity nurses. They are in high demand in my area. They usually work 2 weeks but some mums use them as long as 6.

[sparechange]

But you can see this is a vanishinly rare accident though?

And if you trade that off against how many accidents haven't happened, because mums that would be sleep deprived and dropping their babies, crashing their cars and losing their minds aren't, because they've had help...

I can't really follow your logic. We should insist mums of newborns are kept at breaking point, even if that puts their babies at risk, so that an adult with free will and choices, doesn't take a highly-paid job that they really want to do and are totally capable of