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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have a night nurse

181 replies

doublerainbow31 · 05/01/2017 02:23

so.... a celebrity has told the awful story of her son being dropped on his head by the night nurse. glad everyone is ok but slightly shocked people have day and night nurses. Now I know why celebreties with newborns look so good.

OP posts:
Manumission · 05/01/2017 10:17

I think she'll struggle to sue.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/01/2017 10:18

Why?

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:20

Wow Jerry that is bloody lucky. I do hope you're aware!

My second son has sleep apnea which was only solved at 3. Not just a few months under 1 when everyone expects sleep wakings!

I'm amazed its funded. It would have made such a difference to my health (mental and physical). I've met others in a similar position. The UK seriously has no support anything like that Jerry.

And no many people don't have daily support and do just have to cope. It's truly shit. Id certainly have paid for help if we could have afforded it.

Manumission · 05/01/2017 10:21

I think there's a gap between what she blogs and reality TBH.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/01/2017 10:23

Ah right, Wink

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:24

I'm fascinated now. How many hours support do you get in nz if you have a waking baby? A few nights a week? A few hours for mum to sleep? How long for? Until it's resolved? I think it's amazing.

JerryFerry · 05/01/2017 10:27

G1raffe I agree there should be better support for new parents, and also for young families. The early years are vitally important.

I know your pain, my boy's hourly waking continued until 5. People don't believe it, they all swear by the "leave then to cry 3 nights and it'll be sorted" HAHAHA I wish.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 05/01/2017 10:29

How do I emigrate to New Zealand?

There's a lot to be said for the mother-baby dyad. There is also a lot to be said for supporting the physical and mental health of mothers and enabling women to participate in wider society in ways that might not be allow for them to devote themselves exclusively to the care of a newborn. I'm sure night nurses aren't needed or desired by everyone but for some mothers, some of the time, brilliant.

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:30

Ah yes all the well meaning advice. Even on mn, "if only you'd followed gina ford" doesn't quite cut it! No he wakes terrified because he can't breathe was a great comeback once they diagnose it.

How much support do you get? How long for? I think that's fab.

I think too in days gone by its where mums/sisters/women who didn't work woukd have supported each other. I think we expect a lot of new mums now.

ElphabaTheGreen · 05/01/2017 10:33

Jerry Hourly wakings for a 4-7mo are within the spectrum of normal. Not common, but normal. That's amazing that state-funded help is provided (day and night Shock) but fucking depressing that it was medicalised and a 'sleep specialist' provided for such a young baby. Swings and roundabouts there.

I thought I was going to die or commit murder at the time (3+ years of blocks of sleep of 2hrs at a time max - 45min wakings during sleep regressions) but in the absence of help, I just had to get on with it. Necessity is the mother of all invention.

JerryFerry · 05/01/2017 10:33

I had 24-7

It's a case by case thing organised by maternal health care. Sometimes it's set up from day one if for example the mother has known mental health issues, and then adjusted as she gets well. Other times it's arranged further down the track.

There are other support services, too e.g the govt may pay the child's fees for full time nursery if that helped the mother and was a practical option.

WanderLustingLane · 05/01/2017 10:33

Bloody hell I'm no matyr
I am expecting my third Nd after the horrors of a literally sleepless child last time I have looked into night nurses...
At 150 per night I can't afford it but if I could I would definitely hire someone even if it was for two nights a week.
There's no medal for being so sleep deprived you hallucinations and develop depression!
Not everyone has family that would help.
Non of mine would stay up all night with a screaming baby that's for sure.

I have daughters though and if they have children I will 100% help them at night.

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:35

Elephaba me too. Just knowing you have to face the next day exhausted and that there's no respite the following night and no escape. Makes me panic just remembering it. I put on a heck of a lot of weight and wasn't much good to anyone. Id certainly have enjoyed it so much more with sleep/support.

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:36

24-7 bloody hell. How long for? That's a private nanny. I'm unbelievably envious. I had 2 hours a week volunteer from a charity but that wasn't to childmind.

How do they afford that. Id have so loved that. That must have been amazing.

JerryFerry · 05/01/2017 10:37

elphaba it sounds as though you could have done with some help too. Crazy that mothers are not better supported.

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:38

Do most people know someone whose had one? Surely there's tons of people with waking babies. Especially under a year as well as those of us whose kids had additional needs. And many mums whose mh would benefit. Are there really low rates of postnatal depression compared to here I wonder.

JerryFerry · 05/01/2017 10:40

G1raffe I had 4 months but again it's a case by case thing. Some families will have 3 weeks, some months and months.

It wasn't one nurse, there were 3 who did shifts. The night one stays awake all night. People used to ask me where they slept but they don't, they're on duty (like in a hospital)

ElphabaTheGreen · 05/01/2017 10:40

G1raffe YY. We went away for the first time with our DSs a few months ago - they're now 4 and 2 and sleep brilliantly. DS2, however, did not sleep brilliantly in a new place - screamed until he passed out at 11pm in bed with me then was up for the day at 4am. I literally had a vivid PTSD-style flashback to the sleepless years and ended up a sobbing, hyperventilating mess with DH and have refused to go on any more trips away with the boys until I know DS2 will be mature enough to cope sleeping in a strange bed. I have definitely been left permanently scarred by the experience.

G1raffePicnic · 05/01/2017 10:44

Elphaba - solidarity though the Internet. Ive been similar when my seconds woken up with a night terror or similar since his operation. I panic. Or even thinking about that year. My husband worked away and I didn't cope well.

I can't believe the extreme from no help (after 3 years of not sleeping) to 24/7 help for a baby that sleeps and cries...

SarfEast1cated · 05/01/2017 10:45

I think a night nanny would be fabulous if you had money and space for one. If it helped you be a happier and healthier mum during the day why not?

Birdsgottafly · 05/01/2017 10:53

"" just shocked to see people hire others to be the mum""

I see that others have rightfully pulled you for that statement. If you've pumped enough, or aren't BF, then why is it Mum's job?

In this case, they are both working Parents. She's the one talking about it, because she's the blogger etc.

All of the research shows (and it's proven), that Women suffer more from sleep deprivation. It carries on affecting us, in the future, if you can alleviate that, then you should.

That includes Dad taking over, when he can, which still isn't happening enough, in general.

I used to take my GD, from five weeks, sometimes two nights on the run, so my DD could have unbroken sleep. She pumped well. There wasn't an issue with her bonding with the baby. I helped out a lot because I see first time Mums, not enjoying their babies, in a way that they should.

My DD has since split with her Partner, which I see more of, thankfully, than happened 'in my generation'.

Some of the tiredness etc you've got to get on with, but a lot of women don't have the help that they could have, I don't see the issue with buying it in.

NothingMoreThanFelines · 05/01/2017 10:59

There were nursery nurses in the SCBU in the London hospital where my DD was born just under 3 years ago, so they're definitely still a thing.

itsallbollocks · 05/01/2017 11:00

I would have loved some help with my first dc. He didn't sleep until he was about 2, and I couldn't stand up most days. Dc2 was great.

WickedGirl · 05/01/2017 11:10

I work as a night nanny

Lots of my clients are very wealthy and lead very busy lives. Knowing that they can get a good nights sleep before a hectic day can (quite literally) be a life saver

I know a twin mum who was a surgeon and hired a night nanny to look after her twins so that she wasn't tired to operate (heart surgery)

Some of my clients hire me due to health issues

It isn't my place to question them, it is my job to support them as best as I can

"Night nannies" and "Eden" can supply cheaper maternity nurses

"Miskin maternity" and "Mortimer nannies" supply more high end

LilaGrace · 05/01/2017 11:34

I had a maternity nurse for 3 months after the birth of my second baby this time last year. It was wonderful. She did 24 hours, 5 days per week. She had a 3 hour break in the middle of the day when she slept, and then my baby slept in her room and she did all the night feeds. She would do the baby's laundry, sterilise bottles etc and generally look after the baby. She was great company and it was an all-round great experience.