To get DDs christened and not tell dad?

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We've been split since DD twins were babies. They're now 7. They see their dad twice a year and he lives hundreds of miles away. He is staunchly atheist and would never agree to a christening.
I've had a baby with my partner (been together for years) and we'd like to get all the kids christened together. DDs do a lot of religious education at school and would be keen.
Basically if I ask for exH permission, he'd definately say no. But frankly- he puts so little effort in (contact maybe once a month on skype between visits) that I'm inclined to do it anyway, even though I know it would be against his wishes. I know I'm probably BU (and ironically that this doesn't feel like a very 'Christian' thing to do!) But I'd really like to do it.

The OP hasn't actually been back to clarify her beliefs though. Just started a rather inflammatory thread then tally ho!

NN he barely contacts them either. Maybe once a month. No matter who moved away I can judge him a shit just on that.

Paul to address a point you made on page one, about reversing it.

If a mother seen her children twice a year and barely bothered to contact them she would be destroyed on here.

NN I come back to you, who suggested telling the children to lie? That would be a shitty thing to do.
I doubt he would find out because he hardly contacts them.

How would you feel if he did something like that without your permission? The kids are old enough to decide what they want. Expose them to your religion, their father's (or lack thereof, rather), and other religions, and let them decide. Do not manipulate them into deciding what you'd want them to.

I'm a minister, and if I were asked to baptise children of this age in these circumstances I would want to know a lot more than the OP has told us in this thread. I do feel that their father would have to be told about any baptism, as this isn't just a one-day event, but a life-long commitment, and given the age of the children it is something that they themselves should be freely committing to. Baptism isn't something to be kept secret, quite the opposite.

all the ninth. Thou shalt not bear false witness

If you want your children indoctrinated into religion then you should at least have the courtesy to follow the religious teachings of said church. Lying to their father just isn't on

PaulAnka I think your posts have been excellent on this.

donquixotedelamancha As others have pointed out it is not discriminatory in the slightest to decide against a potential life partner on the basis of their religion.

I'm an atheist. I have been one since the age of 7. It would be utter madness for any man who was a committed Christian, Muslim or Jewish to consider me , for a nanosecond, as a suitable life-partner or mother of their children.

If I was the man in question I'd be more wary of people attempting to indoctrinate my children into a religious belief than the fact of them taking part in a religious ceremony.

Ceremonies and rituals can be engaged in while meaning little religiously to those engaging in them. Such as celebrating Christmas say. If that is what it is like for the children, then I personally wouldn't be overly concerned by that aspect of things.

Might be more concerned about the more general indoctrination they might be getting as they are raised and growing up.

But then, you don't put yourself in that great a position to keep them on the atheist straight and narrow by living far away and having little contact.

Of course if they feel the call of religion entirely off their own backs and want to do these sorts of things, then I suppose that is a different matter.

It is just that the OP makes it sound as if this all comes from the parents and what they want the children to do.

If I was the man in question I'd be more wary of people attempting to indoctrinate my children into a religious belief than the fact of them taking part in a religious ceremony.

Ceremonies and rituals can be engaged in while meaning little religiously to those engaging in them. Such as celebrating Christmas say. If that is what it is like for the children, then I personally wouldn't be overly concerned by that aspect of things.

Might be more concerned about the more general indoctrination they might be getting as they are raised and growing up.

But then, you don't put yourself in that great a position to keep them on the atheist straight and narrow by living far away and having little contact.

Of course if they feel the call of religion entirely off their own backs and want to do these sorts of things, then I suppose that is a different matter.

It is just that the OP makes it sound as if this all comes from the parents and what they want the children to do.

If I was the man in question I'd be more wary of people attempting to indoctrinate my children into a religious belief than the fact of them taking part in a religious ceremony.

Ceremonies and rituals can be engaged in while meaning little religiously to those engaging in them. Such as celebrating Christmas say. If that is what it is like for the children, then I personally wouldn't be overly concerned by that aspect of things.

Might be more concerned about the more general indoctrination they might be getting as they are raised and growing up.

But then, you don't put yourself in that great a position to keep them on the atheist straight and narrow by living far away and having little contact.

Of course if they feel the call of religion entirely off their own backs and want to do these sorts of things, then I suppose that is a different matter.

It is just that the OP makes it sound as if this all comes from the parents and what they want the children to do.

I have often noticed that on here, if someone expresses a desire to have their child baptised, this is deemed inappropriate, even inexplicable, by many, unless the parents of the child are regular church attenders.
In real life my experience is very different. I go to church most weekends so have seen many, many infant and child baptisms, and hardly any of these have involved families who regularly attend church - and yet nobody has appeared to question it - not the vicar, the regular congregation, the scores of family and friends who attend with every appearance of approval/ enjoyment. Nor would I presume to know whether or not the parents concerned are Christians. Presumably, they have some faith, or at least think about it, if they want their child baptised. Regular church attendance is not the only marker of faith ( indeed I'm not even sure it is one).
OP, I would assume that, as your twins are 7, their own view on this is much more important than their father's. Do they want to be baptised? Depending on the school, I would say that, even if they have learnt about Christianity through school alone, they may well have had sufficient exposure to wish to make such a decision.

Ask them! If they want to be, fine, if not leave it for them later if they wish. Dad is not involved very much tbh, and would not give him a second thought.

It has nothing to do with either of you. It's up to your children what they want. This is why I'm against infant baptism.

Not to go against most people here, and I'm not at all religious myself but I know of someone who did this. Had christening booked and Dad changed his mind then night before. He buggered off after a few weeks and has had very minimal contact with child since. Mother had a quiet christening for child and Dad has since decided(years later) that he wants one done so child can go to his school.
In ROI though and I'd say 90% of christenings/baptisms are done for school places so I don't see it as any more than some water on the childs head and a bit of paper.
IF the girls want it done and know what it means then it's up to them at this age though .

If you are worried about them dying outside of the sacrament of baptism, you can do it very simply yourself. No need to tell anyone, no need to have a certificate just a very simple sign of the cross in Holy Water on forehead. This is theologically sound and affords the child the sanctuary of baptism that you crave. Plenty of babies have been baptised by midwives.

It won't get a secondary faith school place though - although that wouldn't be why you'd made the decision to do it at this age rather than earlier?

Baptism should only be performed with the full informed consent of the person being baptised.

I was unfortunately baptised as a baby and am now on the church records as a member of the church. You try getting off these records ...it's close to impossible but the church uses them to prop up its claim to have a say in the government of this country.

If you are regular churchgoers and this wish comes from a genuine faith then I don't believe a priest will object. If a child is old enough to understand and respond to the question, the service will include "do you wish to be baptised?" and I would think that would be enough. Best to do it in a low-key way in a normal service though. As a pp said if the priest won't agree then baptism is valid whoever says the words and wherever it is done. You can do it yourself saying "(name) I baptise you in the name of the father and of the son and of the holy spirit" and it is then done and can never be un-done or re-done.

If what you are after is a big family get-together and you aren't particularly religious then have the party and work with either a priest or a non-religious celebrant to create a ceremony of thanksgiving fir your family that is meaningful for you.

I really struggle to equate

"Sees them twice a year, talks on Skype once a month or so"

With

"Someone who gets a say."

My parents live hundreds of miles from us but see / speak to my kids a lot more than that. And they are "just" grandparents. And have no say on bringing them up.

Personally I would go ahead if the twins are keen. And let him know. (But not ask permission - after all presumably he doesn't comment on or even know what they normally do on a Sunday morning!) If he cares enough to go to court then you will have to re-think but if he can't be arsed to phone them then he probably will have a big froth about it and send a couple of cross emails and then not bother.

I may be doing the OP a disservice because she's given very little info but from experience of recent drip feeds by other posters it's not beyond the realm of possibility that the OPs ex is (for instance) in the forces, hence the infrequent contact/visits.

It would be unreasonable to judge him unless the OP is willing to explain more about the circumstances in which her DTs father has such little contact - branding him a lousy father if he's serving his country and the OP moved away seems harsh.

But the OP isn't lying or suggesting anyone lies. She's wondering whether she has to inform someone who has minimal involvement in the children's lives and upbringing.

Not telling the father is a lie of omission, especially given that OP believes he'd refuse to consent to the DDs being christened.

I have a prohibitive steps order in place regarding religion (I'm against it). Please don't do it

Why thank you Lass

Hello OP please come back!
I think it's important to understand whether it was you or exDP who moved away.
Personally I wouldn't do it as religion is not important to me.
When you were pregnant with the twins did you not have a conversation about religion if it means anything to you?
Also it doesn't sound as though you take the girls to church, if they what is the point? Are you doing it to improve their chances of going to a good secondary school??

PaulAnkaTheDog my point was, of he does not believe in God how can he see baptism as any kind of threat? The mum can and will educate as she sees fit. But the ceremony has no 're power on his mind and denying his children this experience, of they choose it, is only more likely to drive them towards Christianity and away from him.

No real power

In this sort of scenario I always wonder how the OP would feel if the father took the children and had them "baptised" into a different faith to her chosen one without her knowledge or consent.