AIBU to not help out another parent?

[arethereanyleftatall]

More of a wwyd.

Dds best friends mum has just texted to ask if we could pick her dd up every week and drop her home from an activity they're both about to start doing. We technically could, we're going anyway and it would only add about 5 mins extra to do the drop off on way home. But....over the years this will we well over 100 favours we have done for them. I haven't particularly been counting but there's been a term of getting her from school and having her for tea, a term of picking up and dropping at another activity etc. I have had to ask them for a favour a handful of times over the years and every time it's 'we'd love to help but can't because of x'. It will be my dh picking up, and I know he'll just do it no problem, but it's really beginnng to piss me off. Wwyd?

Sorry your dd friend mother is a pisstaker, that's exactly what she is. She double booked her kids as she thought good old op will pick up and collect. Nice she wants things off you, but never helps you, or offers a playdate. I agree withyello I would have sent that response. I doubt you will hear from her, as it's not the desired response she wants! I wod not have suggested alternating, I would have just been straight, said no it does not work for us.

If you behave like she does, takes takes, never gives, or says thank you, people get fed up of it. She's and out and out user!

That is the crux of it. Nobody minds unequal favours as long as there is a good reason for it and people appreciate it and reciprocate when/how they can.

Stick to your guns Op she's a bit of a user

Glastonbury Backforgood it certainly doesn't work like that around here. Why couldn't you have done the dropping as part of a lift share instead of someone bringing your child home for two years?

In that case, because I didn't have a car at the time - we had one between us, and dh went straight from work to where he was volunteering, and I could walk ds to the activity, but not 4 miles away from the activity to collect the other child. His Dad looked on it that he was going past our house anyway, so there was no point in me keeping the 2 little ones up to go out in the cold and dark, to fetch my eldest. Exactly the same as I thought when I offered to do exactly the same favour for another parent in the same boat, over 2 years or so, about 5 years later when my youngest went to the activity. It's about logistics.
Nice to see that I'm not completely alone by today though, and there are some others on MN who would rather see a child being able to take part in something, whatever their parents are like. I don't consider it being a mug - if anything, it's just showing a bit of kindness, but, in truth, I just think of it as normal behaviour. It's what my parents did and what enormous numbers of people I know do throughout their lives here - they must just not be MNers

All tit no tat made me laugh

Me too

What's the Mums situation? For example, if she's a single, working Mum or partner works away/ odd hours or they have other small children and there's genuine reasons why they need some help and struggle to help you then I'd do it like a shot.

Just text her back and say:

"My DD is no longer attending the said activity. You'll have to make your own arrangements."

Leave it at that. You dont need to tell her that your DD changed her mind later if she does ever see you. Because she'll be there at the pick up, so you know full well she can do it herself and you are not her skivvy.

Hissy had the best answer. None of us minds giving lifts now and then or even sharing - but being tied down permanently is not on. There could be times your child doesn't feel like going, or your family have got other things to do, but you would be stuck with it. So politely, but firmly say no, because you don't want to be tied down with it - and don't be drawn further. If the mum wheedles, just repeat your statement.

violet op says she has a partner. Also she can help out in others ways sometimes. Or show op appreciation by saying thank you, and offering some flowers or whatever as a way of thanking op for the time she has helped out this person. If you don't feel appreciated, and taken advantage of, such as op feeling, you just don't want to help that person out! Silence from her when op suggests alternating.

Bloody hell - you've babysat for her several times, yet she didn't even have the manners to reply when you asked her to return the favour, and she doesn't so much as say thank you for all your running about after her DD? She's what my Australian DSIL would call a 'net taker'.

I bet you won't hear back from her until half way through the first activity when you get a text asking if you can collect, relying on you feeling guilty that her DD is left all alone with no one collecting her....!

When is the first one due? I would turn your phone off that evening so you can't be contacted otherwise you will find yourself driving her home!

Still say no, as she will take the piss.

Say something like we can and know you will help us out the next time we need it.

It may not put the OP out that much in practical terms, but mentally this piss taking mother has gone too far.

Even if she asks for a pick up on the day, refuse, with the thought in your mind of your DD never being invited for a playdate.

Ignore the text! Can't go wrong with passive aggressive...

I mean, ignore all her texts that ask you for a favour (she NEVER reciprocates). Use excuses like you left your phone at home or your children were playing games on it & you didn't see the message, etc. You don't have to confront her if you don't want to. She'll soon get the message.

And, for gods sake, stop letting yourself be taken for a mug anymore!

Tess123 is right. Sometimes passive aggressive is the best option. And we know it's a language the other side understands.

You do learn which 'friends' to ignore.
My best ever was "since you don't work could you wash, dry, and bring up to school by lunchtime, my DD angel costume which I've just dragged in the mud" ... I shit you not.

Cheeky moo asking you for all these favours, when she never does anything for you, and fails to ask your dd on a play date to her best friends house, despite having others from the class. Why doesent she go ask those parents for favours. Not even a thank you as a bare minimum. Entitled or what. That would really grate on me, even though it's not putting my back out, I would not want to do someone like tgat anymore favours!

i still can't get over how awful people can be. don't they care it's not fair?????

If she texts on the day, asking for pick up, ignore it, like she ignores you or text no, nothing else.

What drama said, about this time yesterday....

You've done well so far. Ignore anything else from her that isn't a gracious acceptance of the plan to alternate. When you see her, be prepared to say 'That's the only way that'll work for us'. As aero says, ignore any text on the day asking for pick up.

I am surprised that no one who's taken up a favour they can't repay in kind, ie they didn't have a car themselves - like @BackForGood or @mellowandfartful - didn't think about offering petrol money. Mellow in your position of having to walk both ways I'd have asked the other parent if I could give petrol money in return for a lift. Most lift-givers just want their efforts to be recognised, rather than completely taken for granted like OP's chancer does.