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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not apologise for being me

150 replies

AtSea1979 · 04/01/2017 11:37

My DF told me I had anger management issues, in relation to my DC, because I yelled at my boss who has been bullying me. I wasn't personal or abusive just frustrated and raised my voice whilst still maintaining my point (to my boss). I then yelled at my dad I don't have anger problems I'm just at breaking point with work. To which he replied "see, you are even shouting at me now" I said yes because you know the pressure I'm under and you are accusing me of things that aren't true and have serious implications when you have DCs. He said I was being ridiculous so I said ok let's ring my social worker and tell them I have anger issues and see whether they think it's serious. He refused to see my point of view so I told him that unless he changes his POV about me then we are done. Now I'm home and sobbing and wish I could articulate how hurt I feel that my own DF implied I have anger issues in regards to my DC.

OP posts:

WussyWat · 04/01/2017 11:40

If I have read that correctly, you were the one that brought up your DC, not your dad

Sounds like you all need to step back and calm down, really. Sorry you've been having a shit time at work and well done for standing up for yourself there.

NavyandWhite · 04/01/2017 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 04/01/2017 11:41

Father or fiancé?

Regardless; there isn't enough for us to judge if you have anger problems, and most people would think it was disproportionate to shout at bosses - but everyone raises their voice. If you genuinely don't think you have an issue, put it to one side. It's hard to read whether your DF was trying to be helpful and is genuinely worried or was being an arse.

I'm sorry about all the pressure. Work stress is the worst.

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 04/01/2017 11:42

so I told him that unless he changes his POV about me then we are done.

Certainly seems like a huge overreaction, on the face of it.

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 04/01/2017 11:45

wussy we were talking about the DC and SW at the time and DF suddenly said you have anger management issues, look at last week when you yelled at your boss. I replied "most humans would have snapped in those circumstances, it's not like I punched her or was abusive. I don't have issues I did what most people might do". I hate that he wants to label me, he also implied I need help when I shouted at him. I've never shouted at my DF before but to imply I have issues, therefore implying that he doesn't trust me with DC is surely unforgivable?

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CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/01/2017 11:45

I really hate to say this but there is a fair bit of aggression coming across in your post, actually. Sorry.

There obviously ARE issues somewhere if you have social services involvement. I don't know what the issues are and you don't need to tell us but your reaction seemed very defensive and OTT with regards to the children.

NavyandWhite · 04/01/2017 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 04/01/2017 11:47

Massive over-reaction. I can't think of many people who would yell at their boss so yes, I would think you either have anger issues or need help coping in general. Not sure what the OTT posturing about your children is about, you brought them up in the argument and blustered about ringing your social worker after all

Wolfiefan · 04/01/2017 11:48

You do sound extremely angry. Most people get cross sometimes. Few grown adults shout or yell at their boss. You do sound like you have anger issues.
Whether or how this would affect your kids only you can say for sure.
As for not apologising for who you are?! You should apologise if you behave badly and if you have anger issues you can choose to do something about it rather than just saying that's who you are.

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 04/01/2017 11:49

DFather is worried, he's not an arse. Well except when he tried to patronise me with "I know your a girl who has problems at work"....to which I yelled "I'm a woman, I'm 38 dad".
He knows I was bullied as a child so I find it hard to talk about work, I was crying through my words too.

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EverythingEverywhere1234 · 04/01/2017 11:50

You are yelling at a lot of people for someone who considers themselves to not have an issue with being angry and like PP have said, your posts are coming across rather aggressively. Sorry.

PurpleDaisies · 04/01/2017 11:50

I'm sorry, but reading your posts it does sound like you've got some issues with anger. Regardless of what's going on, most people don't end up shouting at their boss. It's unprofessional.

It doesn't sound like your df brought it up in the most sensitive way but I'd try and take a long hard dispassionate look at how you've been relating to other people and see if you like what you see.

WussyWat · 04/01/2017 11:51

Did he have any other examples of your anger issues besides your boss and yelling at him?

Do you think perhaps you are a bit shouty with DC? It's quite strange otherwise to be talking about your children and go on to mention your supposed anger issues with other examples of them if he has no reason to link the two iyswim?

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 04/01/2017 11:53

Ok so I'm wrong then. It's normal for a DGP to imply I need help with DC because I yelled at my boss? SW unrelated but I'm sure would react if they thought I had issues.
My DPs have listened and supported me about work up until now but I'm shocked that my DF thinks I need help because I yelled at my boss.

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Clandestino · 04/01/2017 11:53

Your posts read like you have some anger issues and you came here to justify your behaviour.
Is there a reason for the social worker to be around? What sort of behaviour cause this outburst at your working place?

Soubriquet · 04/01/2017 11:53

You certainly do appear to have anger issues here..

user1480946351 · 04/01/2017 11:53

He said you had anger issues because you shouted at your boss, so you screamed at him and threatened him? Sounds like he's absolutely right about you.

I know someone who "doesn't apologise for being herself". Fine, but herself is horrible to everyone, selfish, nasty and abusive. She really should apologise.
Don't be that person.

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 04/01/2017 11:55

But YOU brought up your children?

Soubriquet · 04/01/2017 11:55

Are you sure the shouting stays at work only?

My dh is an arse at work. Really shouty. At home he isn't so I have no concerns but if he started to be I would make him seek help

EverythingEverywhere1234 · 04/01/2017 11:55

And you are still being unreasonably aggressive!

CurlyhairedAssassin · 04/01/2017 11:55

"...to imply I have issues, therefore implying that he doesn't trust me with DC is surely unforgivable?"

There is a lot of IMPLYING in your post. Did you just fly off the handle at an implication or ask him what he meant by his comments?

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 04/01/2017 11:55

I was crying in my bosses office, sobbing finally saying what she'd done to me, she denied it and the frustration of the denial had me crying and yelling but you did do it I have proof but you won't listen etc.
Ok so what do I do now?

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Bluntness100 · 04/01/2017 11:56

Why do you have a social worker please?

As for anger management issues, well from what you've posted, it does seem like you do a lot of yelling so you may have. Do you also yell at your kids? You seem to think yelling is ok, but maybe some councilling in trying to communicate in a more calm manner may be beneficial.

user1480946351 · 04/01/2017 11:57

Ok so what do I do now?

Apologise to your poor dad for a start.

Original poster

AtSea1979 · 04/01/2017 11:58

We were talking about work and DC at the time. I asked him to clarify and he said like at work.. then said to me it wasn't important, I said course it is, if you honestly believe I have anger issues and would take it out on DGC just cause I yelled at my boss..

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