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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with other drivers 'waving' me on

329 replies

TheresaVGreen · 04/01/2017 08:49

I am quite happy to wait until a natural break in traffic to continue with my turning right manoeuvre thank you. I do not need you to come to a complete stop for me (which is dangerous and against the Highway Code), holding up everyone behind you, to then wave me on and get frustrated with me when I don't immediately take you up on your kind 'offer'.

I think I'm almost getting to the point where I am simply not going to move when I am waved on, and wait for the other driver to continue driving.

AIBU to be frustrated with drivers who take the rules into their own hands like this?

OP posts:
EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/01/2017 09:54

If I can see that traffic is building up behind a driver waiting to turn and moving slowly my side I sometimes let them turn and other drivers have for me

What an utterly bizarre thing to get annoyed about and how is it dangerous if a bike is coming along they will be looking for vehicles turning and cars behind will be watching the cars in front and notice it slowing down

I doubt any drivers follow the high way code to the letter as your driving is impacted by other drivers good and bad

Eevee77 · 04/01/2017 09:55

I could understand if you were turning right onto a main road because there's two directions of traffic to consider, but turning right from a main road? I really can't see what the issue is and would be getting impatient if you just sat there despite there being a gap because you have some issue with the fact they've slowed to let you turn.

There's a road near me which is near impossible to get on from a side road or off, with a right turn, come 5-6 pm. People always let others in/out when convenient and I'm grateful.
Also to drivers who don't flash, I do flash other drivers to indicate I'm letting them in out. It's fucking annoying when someone is letting you out but does absolutely nothing to indicate it except from slowing down. I don't know what is going on in your head so don't get frustrated when I don't immediately move off.

bigmouthstrikesagain · 04/01/2017 09:57

I am a pedestrian - I cannot drive. I understand what the op is saying though. When waiting to cross a road I like to wait for the gap, if there is no pedestrian crossing or lights. If a driver in a stream of traffic unilaterally decides to stop and wave me across I don't always go.
A) the driver will have a different perspective and might not notice what I do.
B) if there are two lanes of traffic, what about the traffic coming the other way, or an impatient car/ bike/ moped whatever that takes an opportunity to overtake and doesn't see me?
C) I don't like walking in front of cars, I feel safer crossing when the car has passed. Obviously different at pelicans etc.
D) I am frequently crossing with my children two of them have Aspergers and need very clear unambiguous guidance, I have told them only to cross when it is safe, and to mainly ignore gestures from drivers as they have to be responsible for their own safe crossing and not rely on a driver waving them across.

It is all very well for people to impose kind gestures on you but if you are in a tonne of metal and I have a few layers of wool, I will risk assess for myself, cheers!

When making decisions about what you think is best then you have to be prepared for someone to disagree, in a road/ traffic situation indecisive behaviour can lead to RTA's. So if a driver is waving you on and you are not comfortable making the manoeuvre - how is that helpful? I can see why people get annoyed their 'helpful' pause is ignored, but waving I distracting and unhelpful imo.

TheMortificadosDragon · 04/01/2017 09:59

I was once in a right turn lane when the driver to the left decided to flash out someone wanting to turn right out of a sideroad across both lanes... yeah, that went well. Hmm

I wonder how often the flash is used correctly versus incorrectly? My pet hate is if you do give way to someone - theres a single lane bridge in our village with no priority where it's frequently necessary - they 'thank' you with a momentary blinding. Its really not polite, its thoughtless.

LittleLionMansMummy · 04/01/2017 09:59

Having seen some of the comments on this thread I've resolved in future to continue to drive past waiting cars in a superior way, raising my middle finger as I go.

wanderings · 04/01/2017 10:00

Remember this about flashing lights, or beckoning: there's always a danger that the wrong person might see it , such as a pedestrian, or someone coming out of the side road. Also anyone who flashes lights (especially if they do it insistently) may be a flash for cash scammer. Although insurance companies are getting wise to this, technically the law is on their side, because flashing lights officially means "I am here" and no more.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 04/01/2017 10:00

I hate it also when cars stop to wave kids over the road on busy school mornings (secondary) because they have no idea what's coming on the other side of the road.

Unless you drive backwards you can see what's coming the other side of the road and those crossing should be able to unless bus/lorry blocking their view or on a bend then then it would be unsafe to cross there

HarrietSchulenberg · 04/01/2017 10:04

It's hardly dangerous to slow down and flash/wave/whatever for another driver to pass in front of you. Unless you're talking about someone expecting you to cross three lanes, or doing an emergency stop to let you go, which is not what you've said in your post.
You dome across as overly, almost dangerously, cautious, whether you think it or not.

Roussette · 04/01/2017 10:06

How weird. So polite and thoughtful drivers letting you turn right are an annoyance OP? And you are happy for no one to ever do this which would then mean huge queues building up behind you on a busy road because no one has waved you across.

No wonder I get annoyed with some drivers out there, you're one of them! Is it a control issue?

Raines100 · 04/01/2017 10:07

Bizarre thread.

I second what pp said about not daring to leave the house...

toomuchtooold · 04/01/2017 10:09

Typically round here (southern Germany, quite conservative) I get waved over angrily by guys in their 60s and 70s who drive with hats on. My prejudice is that they are still making their mind up about whether women driving is one of the harbingers of the end of civilisation as we know it, but in the meantime, they want to get me off the road and back in the house as fast as is safely possible Grin

I think there's a time and a place for waving on - if there's a massive queue behind you and no gaps in the oncoming traffic then it makes sense, but generally I think if you step away from the normal system of rules and priorities there's always a risk of crossed wires, so it has to be worth it.

Deux · 04/01/2017 10:11

Goodness, there I was this morning trying to turn right thinking, won't some bastard let me out.

NavyandWhite · 04/01/2017 10:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
TheresaVGreen · 04/01/2017 10:22

This is not about being let out of junctions

OP posts:
Original poster
TheresaVGreen · 04/01/2017 10:23

It isn't a control issue, or a nervous issue. I will quote a previous poster:

"Did he just wave me on? "
"Jesus Christ, man - I just waved her on. Is she going, or what?"
"Oh yes, he did wave me on. Great - I'll go then."
"Oh FFS, she's not bloody moving. I'll just go then."

CRASH!!

And in this instance, it's you that was getting waved on that would be found at fault for the accident. You can't say to an insurance company, "oh, but I thought he was waving me on".

OP posts:
Megatherium · 04/01/2017 10:24

YABU. I really can't understand what the objection is to people driving considerately, or why you think it's dangerous. If I slow down to let someone turn, of course I still expect them to check that it's safe to do so. I regularly do this when I can see there's quite a lot of traffic up ahead so it won't ultimately make any difference to my journey, but obviously I only stop or slow down if it's safe to do so. I've never seen any driver screeching to a halt for this purpose. I suspect people flash or wave to let you know that yes, they intended to stop for you so they're not going to start off again suddenly.

raindripsonruses · 04/01/2017 10:25

If you are in a queue of traffic aren't you supposed to leave a gap with the car on front to avoid blocking an entry/exit to a side street. oncoming traffic that is turning right into it can make the turn or cars joining from said side street can join the main road unless they drive a BMW or 4x4 in which case they can feck off?

NavyandWhite · 04/01/2017 10:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Roussette · 04/01/2017 10:28

If that instance happens OP, it means you have taken advantage of a kind driver waving you on, but at the same time not checked that it is OK to do so. Your fault.

If a driver stops, to let you through, it is pretty obvious what he is doing as he is stopped! If there is confusion it's because you are an incompetent or nervous driver who is not watching and looking and being decisive, I'd imagine you are dithering.

I frequently show courtesy on the road and allow drivers through by slowing or stopping. They are grateful and it stops bottlenecks behind them.

Katy07 · 04/01/2017 10:31

Having seen some of the comments on this thread I've resolved in future to continue to drive past waiting cars in a superior way, raising my middle finger as I go.
Nearly had a "tea over keyboard" incident Grin

IToldYouIWasFreaky · 04/01/2017 10:34

What's wrong with driving at 28mph in a 30 speed limit?

triskellionoflegs · 04/01/2017 10:34

Manumission : It's almost always men and (as you say) they're almost always wrong.

This would be awful if it wasn't so funny Grin
Really? Seriously? Can you imagine how annoyed you would get if someone generalised like that about women on here? Blatant sexism if I ever saw it..

Potnoodlewilld0 · 04/01/2017 10:35

YANBU

If you were on a test and stopped and waved some one to go you would fail. It's actually really dangerous.

I actually failed waving fucking pedestrians to cross the road Angry but in reality it's not up to you to make other drivers decisions.

My pet hate is when people stop in ridiculous positions to let you past if it's tight. I just find a safe spot and wait it out 🙄

SirChenjin · 04/01/2017 10:35

In my 27 years of driving and letting people in/being let in by other drivers I have never had a crash as a result. Anyone else? If you have had a crash as a result, how many times v the number of times you've let someone in etc v the number of years driving?

I see far more dangerous examples of driving on a daily basis. Letting someone in is so far down the list of 'WTF did that driver just do' that it doesn't even register.

raindripsonruses · 04/01/2017 10:35

Op, sounds a bit Road rage-y to me. Maybe you should think about how that is affecting your driving. Is it something that has wound you up so much that you are fuming about it enough to start an MN thread about it?